My boyfriends childhood friend excluded me from wedding

You are not a "Plus 1," the two of you have been together for 5 years and should have been invited as a single unit for that reason. If the bridal couple knows about you and how long you have been together, then it is very rude for them to exclude you. I hope that your boyfriend does not still plan to attend without you. That would be very hurtful, imo.

View Quoted Comment This is not true. You keep saying this, but you’ve never offered a single piece of authority to support it. You’re getting people riled up based on your personal opinions. Plus ones are not platonic escorts. They are for exactly this situation, when someone is not required to be invited as part of a couple because they’re not married, engaged, or living together but the couple chooses (or not) to give an extra invitation. They are not required every for every couple period.


OP, while you and your boyfriend are integrated into each other’s lives, how well do you know this particular couple? There are a lot of lovely people I’ve gotten to know over the years that I didn’t have space or money to invite to my wedding. They didn’t commit any etiquette sin, so it’s just up to you and your boyfriend to decide if he wants to attend without you and if you want to stay connected to them. It’s a personal call for everyone.

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You are the only one who states this. Many on WW find the "no ring, no bring" concept offensive and outdated because marriage should not be a social gatekeeper. If Etiquette is meant to be a set of commonly-known standards designed to not create awkwardness or offense, then this idea has to be adapted to today's couples that are happy without marriage.

IMO the Hosts should have not invited the BF at all as he's not a close friend and they've created a couple's rift and not cared for consequences.

OP, no one outside of you two can invalidate your relationship. But, it seems like neither of you are in the inner circle if not invited to the bachelor party. Childhood friends may just be a courtesy invite and try to lessen your anger as these seem just acquaintances who don't really matter anyway. Talk with your partner about how you feel and maybe you both can sit this one out.

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I have been on here maybe a handful of times in the last 6 months, so no, I don't keep saying anything. I also don't think I've personally ever addressed this topic here before. But that doesn't make me incorrect. I suggest you figure out who your fight is actually with and take it to them.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry I mistook you for another poster.

View Quoted Comment The point of etiquette is that it not about my opinion, or yours, or any one person’s. It’s to give a common floor of acceptable behavior. You are free to do more if you want to, and everyone does that in some area or other. It’s like the rule on receptions — the rule is that you have to provide hospitality to people you invite to your ceremony. If you don’t, you’re rude period. But hospitality could be cake & punch or a five-course meal. You might prefer one over the other, but we recognize that you’ve met the requirements of etiquette and personal taste varies.


You can dislike the concept, but that only means you’re free to invite couples who don’t meet the rule. People aren’t being rude for not meeting your personal preferences. Etiquette rules do change over time — that’s why living together is now part of the rule — but it’s there to provide a commonly known and accepted rule that you can add to but never remove. And when specifically discussing etiquette, you need to be able to distinguish between “this is the minimum requirement” versus “I prefer this.”

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Not a problem. Thank you.