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My boyfriend not receiving a plus one to a wedding?

Lillian, on July 25, 2022 at 5:44 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Hi everyone,

My boyfriend received the save the date to a friends wedding right when we started dating. He recently booked his hotel room with a friend and is under the impression that I “will most likely be invited.”
I can’t help but feel anxious about this event for a few reasons. First one being, I’ve met the bride multiple times and we get along just fine. She is aware my boyfriend and I have been together for quite some time and I have been feeling anxious about the thought of not being included since it feels dismissive towards me as her friends boyfriend when there will be other girlfriends in this same friend group included.
I understand weddings are expensive, but this wedding is going to be huge & very elaborate. My boyfriend considers this couple to be good friends of his but doesn’t want to assume I’m included since the save the date was sent right when we started dating.
Another irrational fear I have, is his ex will be there. They broke up years ago and she is now in what seems to be a happy marriage, but the thought of not being included + that is causing me a lot of anxiety. I love and trust my boyfriend very much but this feeling of anxiousness about this event is overwhelming me. Any advice?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on July 25, 2022 at 8:22 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on July 25, 2022 at 7:24 AM
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When is the wedding? Has he received the invitation? Since he's such good friends with the couple, could he just reach out and confirm you're invited?

Also I wouldn't worry about the ex. I doubt they'll even interact at all unless it's a very small wedding.
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Master July 2022
Imani · on July 25, 2022 at 7:30 AM
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^ literally second everything Sarah said. If the invitations haven’t been sent out yet it’s likely you’d still be invited. Also agree with just asking the couple especially if they’re close.
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Expert October 2023
Bailey · on July 25, 2022 at 8:48 AM
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I completely understand why that makes you anxious, being excluded is the worst feeling. I would definitely just have your boyfriend reach out to the bride and groom and confirm/deny your invitation - some people do the "no plus ones" rule (which I HATE) so I would definitely have him reach out as soon as he can!
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on July 25, 2022 at 11:17 AM
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Maybe because you had just started dating when the save the dates went out that's why you weren't included on them. They probably didn't want to include you without knowing how serious the relationship was. If he hasn't received an actual invitation yet then I would hold off on having him say anything. Once he receives the invite and if it's still only just for him then I would have him ask why you weren't also invited.
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VIP October 2022
Paige · on July 25, 2022 at 1:36 PM
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Some people just don't include "and guest" or the name of a girlfriend/ boyfriend on their save the date, even if the guest does have a plus one or a girlfriend/ boyfriend. Maybe they weren't aware you guys were dating when the save the dates went out? Or they didn't know how to spell your name or have your address at that time? If they haven't sent out invitations yet, I wouldn't stress about it.
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Devoted December 2022
Orianna · on July 25, 2022 at 6:11 PM
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Definitely don't panic until the actual invitation shows up. SEVERAL people that we are inviting got STDs that were sent to just them that are now either with a "and guest" or their partner's name added since they are all more serious now.
If the invite comes and its not "and guest" etc... Have your boyfriend reach out and ask. The worst they will say is no. But if they know you guys are serious they are most likely inviting you.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on July 25, 2022 at 6:21 PM
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You had just begun dating when the STD's went out. I don't think that's unusual at all.
I'm sure you'll be invited to the wedding. Point of clarification, the "Plus One" is given to truly single guests, and are optional. As a partner of a guest, you should be invited to the wedding as part of a social unit. That's not a plus one, and it's not optional.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on July 25, 2022 at 8:22 PM
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Agree with this. There is so much confusion between a plus one which is a random stranger invited to entertain an unattached single guest and a significant other, which is an automatic invite regardless of how long they have been together if they decide they are a couple.

Your boyfriend can let them know you are his partner to be included on the invitation. Some couples will even choose not to attend if only half is invited. Wait until you receive an invitation at 6-8 weeks before you make any definite plans.
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