My boyfriend is in a wedding and I'm dreading attending for various reasons

I think it’s totally fine for you to sit one out and not be seen as a Debbie Downer! I can definitely see how attending a bunch of weddings for people you don’t know, especially when your partner is in the wedding party, would just not be fun. It also sounds like you’ve already attended a bunch of them, so his friend circle shouldn’t judge you for missing one (and of course they would even need a reason), and if they do, that’s on your partner to stand up for you. People get wedding fatigue when they have a bunch of weddings in a row for people they’re super close to. You shouldn’t feel guilty about your feelings.

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I've already pretty much committed to going to wedding in a way to support my boyfriend. As I said in my original post, it just sucks in part because I get to have the experiences he has of having friends who think highly enough of him to include him in milestone days and I don't get those experiences.

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I'm so very sorry you were in an accident that caused you to be wheelchair bound. But unfortunately there's nothing that can undo that and the more you dwell on what experiences you will or will not have the more upset you are going to be. Does he realize how much you are dreading this wedding? Maybe joining a support group could help you not only emotionally with your feelings of missing out due to your injury but you might actually be able to meet friends through.

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He doesn't know I'm dreading the wedding. I have friends of my own, it's just that they don't include me in wedding parties and other big events. I doubt joining a support group would help with that.

View Quoted Comment Then it sounds like you need new friends who do include you in important events in their lives. Is there a reason that you know of why they don't include you?

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My best guess is that they include me due to my disability. I doubt I'll be able to find new friends who include in important events. I'm 31 and the window of time for those kinds of things is closing in.

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I'm nearly 65 and two years ago we left the state where I'd lived all my life and where most of my family was. In a random turn of events, not long after we moved I took up a new hobby on a whim. I took a class related to that hobby and met two wonderful women there who've become good friends. We've met others and have enlarged our group and meet and interact regularly. I also have made wonderful friends in our new neighborhood. I'm naturally a really big introvert and my very extroverted husband thinks it's kind of hysterical that I suddenly have more friends and a busier social life than I ever have. I share that to encourage you to try not to think your window for making friends is closing.... You're 31 -- that's super young and plenty of time & opportunities to make new friends. I understand your disability may present some challenges, but perhaps there is a local support group (maybe ask your medical professionals if they know of any) you could connect with. It might also help to consider talking with a therapist; it sounds like you've experienced a life-altering change and talking with someone about it might help. Finally, think about an old or new hobby you might enjoy, or some volunteer work that would be meaningful to you, and try getting out (even virtually) to meet new people. Good luck!

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I meant in my previous post that the window to be included in friends' milestone events is closing in. I know I have time to make new friends, but it's doubtful that making new friends would lead to being included in friends because women seem to include their very long-time friends in weddings and other events. I should have explained better in my previous post.

I have done therapy in the past which helped. But, I've had to accept that our society will never totally fully accept people with disabilities.

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Being in a wedding party is not something I think of as something to aspire to by itself. In fact, the way too many couples view it, these days it can be overly expensive and a burden. IMO, a bridal party is more about the bride in this case having friendship and support on her wedding day. But don't forget, there are tons of people, especially now, that have never been in a wedding, having nothing to do with their relationships. Some brides might limit their parties to family only or have no wedding party. Others eloped or were forced to downsize the last few years due to Covid. None of these things, and certainly not your disability is a reflection of you or your worth.

On another note, if you've been with your BF for five years, you ought to be able to talk to him about these feelings or anything. That said, you aren't obliged to attend every one of these weddings.

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The main reason I attend weddings is to support my boyfriend. I keep some things to myself because I doubt he would understand because he's not someone who gets left out of things.

Pre-covid I wasn't included in friends' or relatives' weddings. I do think my disability was an issue in why I wasn't picked. When I don't get picked for things it's just another reinforcement that i'm never good enough to be a part of big events.

I would sit this one out. I know you say you are attending to support your boyfriend, but it sounds like you have already supported him at weddings multiple times, and it was miserable for you. Your spouse loves you and will understand. Besides, tbh when I’ve been a BM or MOH it’s actually been much easier and less stressful to NOT have a spouse there! It’s a long day full of obligations, and not having to worry about whether your date is ok or having a good time without you is kind of a relief. I would share your feelings of discomfort being amongst strangers without him, and stress that you feel it would be more enjoyable for you to not go and for him to be able to enjoy himself without having to worry about you.