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Dedicated October 2017

Must you reciprocate invites?

Jessie, on September 11, 2016 at 5:16 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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Hey all!

I have an etiquette question I'm hoping you all can help me with. My FH and I are planning a small-ish wedding (75-100 people). Mostly family, wedding party,close mutual friends...no coworkers, that sort of thing. How do we handle invitations to weddings in the upcoming year from couples we aren't planning to invite? For example, a coworker and a college friend invited us to their weddings but we weren't planning on inviting them to ours. I know they are both having large weddings (more than 200 people). I know everyone says "oh you have the excuse/reason that you're having a small wedding", but how would they know that?! I feel weird going to their wedding and not reciprocating. What would y'all do?!

ETA: do we go to the weddings or is that bad form? Do we just decline and send a gift?

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Elphaba, on September 11, 2016 at 7:20 PM

VIP May 2022
Ashley M · on September 11, 2016 at 5:19 PM
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Following, have the same issue
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Super December 2016
DT · on September 11, 2016 at 5:20 PM
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No, you do not have to reciprocate invites! Don't talk about their wedding to them. If asked I would say that you are having a small wedding and limiting to family, etc.
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Master May 2017
BeachDreams · on September 11, 2016 at 5:20 PM
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Wedding invites do not have to be "tit for tat."
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Super October 2016
Futurepullen11 · on September 11, 2016 at 5:22 PM
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I personally feel if you want to have a small leave it at that. You don't have to reciprocate Just say it's family.
That's what we wanted until my parents offered to pay for the others they wanted to invite then we were okay with it.
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Master March 2018
Orchids · on September 11, 2016 at 5:35 PM
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Nope, you don't have to reciprocate invites. I have two good friends who had small weddings that I wasn't invited to who are definitely invited to mine. I'm not taking it personally that I wasn't on their 15 and 25 person guest lists.
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Master July 2017
BookcaseHat · on September 11, 2016 at 5:38 PM
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You do not have to invite them, and you should feel free to go to their weddings if you want to! Don't over think it.
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Master April 2016
LizzyC · on September 11, 2016 at 5:41 PM
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You don't have to reciprocate and you don't have to automatically decline. Just don't talk about your wedding with them and if directly asked where their invite is (which would be super rude) you're having an intimate wedding wth family only.
We were invited to wedding two weeks before ours and we didn't invite the couple. There were also people invited to ours whose weddings we weren't invited to. It's okay
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Super June 2018
AnnaKay · on September 11, 2016 at 5:45 PM
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Agreed you don't have to reciprocate. Just stick to small wedding unless you feel like without the couple there you would be missing them on your special day.
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VIP January 2017
Natasha · on September 11, 2016 at 5:57 PM
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Just because someone invites you doesn't mean you have to invite them. Everyone's wedding has a different budget.
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Master July 2015
annakay511 · on September 11, 2016 at 7:13 PM
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Weddings are not tit for tat! However, they might still feel slighted. For your coworker, you can explain you made a "no coworkers" compromise to save money. For the college friend, they will probably feel hurt they didn't make the cut.
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