Must be my Tom, but…

My fiancé and I do feel the same way.

We capped our budget at $20k and the guest list at 90, we declined parents'money (in fact, we can afford a very formal, black tie/white tie wedding with a plated dinner for 250 but I don't want this and neither does my fiance).

We both think 20k is still too much since the most important part from a bride's/groom's POV, the ceremony, doesn't cost much, you only need to pay the officiant fees and a mariage licence.

But we live in a large city and area , so spending under 20k is only possible are planning to do a ceremony-only event We both want a 'real' reception, so we're planning it together without our parents (our budget would have dramatically exploded because of them LOL and they would have invited people we don't (.or barely) know), we agreed we would ditch all 'nice but unnecessary' stuff. However: I almost fainted twice or thrice at the thought of spending 20,000 for a 5,5-hour event.

I think I cope with it by just... not thinking about it. We live in a supremely expensive city - 15th most expensive in the world, I think? so... we were never going to get away cheap.

We have the money, and it is what it is, to have the kind of day we envisaged, so we're just going with it. But yes, when you stop and think how much money it is and how easy it is to blow through... well, like I said. Better not to, lol.

We've actually had a couple of declines after our save the dates were due and I was a little sad at first, but then I've updated my budget excel with 20 guests less and I was like "who else can we cut out 💶". So yes, totally seeing your point. It is a waste of money and I kind of regret spending it, but at the same time if we are throwing a wedding, we want it to be a fun one... So I guess I try not to think about it too much. Unfortunately, the only way to really cut costs it to invite less people, and we've already agreed that we want our families and friends to be there... We've set our budget at €30k and I thought it was plenty of money to really kind of go overboard, but turns out it's very tight for our 100 guests.

100%. I'm shivering at spending $2000 at our immediate-family-only, at-home wedding! lol

I try not to think about it. We're definitely having an expensive wedding compared to what's normal in our social group with budgeting $35k, so lots of people think we're insane. Most people we know have get togethers at a local hall or family property and do BBQ where everything is pretty laid back and casual, but we wanted a wedding that was a bit more formal. If I think too much about it then I get caught up in the fact that the money could be used to cut our student loan debt in half, but we're not struggling. Plus, since FH will be 30 next year he's itching to get married and have wedding things over with so we can then focus on starting a family, so it's kind of now or never.

Yes!! If you had asked me prior to beginning planning if I would spend $35,000 on a wedding, I would say heck no! I always thought people that spend tens of thousands of dollars on weddings were craaaaazy. We are like you – we don’t have any sort of set budget. We are just doing our research and spending what we think is worth it for each item/vendor. I started out super frugal, but as the planning process continued, I found myself upping the budget and splurging more and more. I think it’s easy to justify spending more once you compare the quality of what you are getting. Plus, everyone simply requires a small deposit, and maybe small payments over a period of time, which makes it seem so much cheaper and more manageable….And before you know it, your budget has doubled 🤦🏼‍♀️😆

Budgets are not bad to have. They are guidelines based on what you can afford, and what you are willing to pay. It sounds like you and your partner, changed your minds. As you're paying for your own wedding, you can create it however you want. Maybe take a full break from planning, and in time revisit how you two want to commit, and with whom you want to share this occasion.

Our ceremony was more significant to us, but was actually .012% of our day's budget and only 5% of wedding decisions. My man had a vision, but no boundaries. So I had to set these boundaries (budget, scope, guestlist) because we had to be a team in our marriage. Overall, our budget was above the Nyc average, but below the Manhattan average. It took a lot of research and negotiation (between ourselves), but we were intentional in our choices and regret nothing.

I love weddings. Like I think I love them more than most people. I think they're romantic and sweet and just the best days ever. But the modern wedding is absolutely a complete waste of money for me, yes. I had trouble wrapping my mind around a few thousand dollars let alone tens of thousands and for what? People who I rarely see and aren't supportive of me, my life, and my family being there for a party? Yeah... no. We invited our important people. The ones we see and talk to regularly who support our marriage. It's such a personal choice though and totally a matter of preference. A lot of things I felt were unnecessary are essential for others . But I do advise that if it's not sparking joy, get rid of it.

View Quoted Comment I’m really hoping that I’m just overestimating everything and… well kind of a bad thought, but I’m now hoping people decline. I’ve estimated everything based on 100% attendance of around 100 guests. I’m hoping it’s closer to 70. The biggest costs so far is food and booze… for the Welcome Party and Rehearsal Dinner. We are basically doing 2 receptions 🙄 I’m going to revisit the budget today and so where I can cut…

We get the blues out budget was 15,000 now we’re 5 in a half months out and we’re 32,000 in but it’s worth it for the memories made

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I seriously hope so. This was giving me major anxiety last night. I sat in the dark and cried a little for a little bit until I was too tired then went to bed.

Every cost is a choice. Couples can 100% have a $2K wedding or a $50K wedding. They are obviously making different choices. If you are saying you would not really be happy with a wedding less than your $50K plan (which is completely ok!), then yes, for you, it might make sense to consider other options. Where are you making choices that are optional? Welcome party, harpist, etc. - can you make those cuts but still have an event that makes you happy?

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We have a Welcome Party because it's a destination wedding for everyone but my fiancé and I. Harpist is only like $300 and after listening to how amazing the harp sounds, the feelings are so amazing! Our biggest expense by far is alcohol and food because we basically have an Open Bar for our Welcome Party (Beer and Wine only) and our Reception (Beer, Wine, and Liquor). Those are things my fiancé said we shouldn't make our guest pay for. I was able to cut it down to $42,000 from other things (like not having elaborate floral arrangements, which I don't really care for...). This estimate is for 100% attendance, I'm sure we can cut it by a lot more if only 70-80% show up and that may bring us closer to the $35,000. In other words, this is how I rationalized it that it's all going to be okay. LOL

ABSOLUTELY.

i remember thinking to myself that i knew weddings were going to cost a lot but i had no idea it would be even more than that. it got discouraging at times to think about because it really was so much money going towards just a day.

but in the end i deemed it worth it and even increased my budget.

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Rationalizing at its finest! Haha. Yeah... I've rationalized it with myself. I also wanted to stop working next year, but I made myself feel better about the cost by just working part time and telling myself that I'll work part time to pay off the wedding. I was able to cut it by $42k by reducing the floral costs and DIYing a lot of that. I found a garland place that sells at wholesale prices with no quantity limits. I've also gotten pretty good at attaching flowers so I'll do the garland runners myself for our head table. I also totally forgot that my venue provided the Bridal Bouquet and a 3-tier cake so that definitely helps! Finally, I did all my estimates at 100% attendance rate. If I do it with a 70-80% attendance (it's a destination wedding for everyone but my fiancé and I), then I'm definitely going to be closer to that $35K that I originally had in mind. The $15K over was just a huge blow to the gut when I finally started filling out the rest of the cost estimates. But, I always overestimate everything for worst case scenarios so I'm probably okay I'm glad I'm not alone in the budgeting blues though!

It’s all about priorities. That needs to be decided long before the date or guest list. Wedding prices are blown out of proportion in many cases because they are not always in line with the quality of service received. It’s mentioned that wedding services are higher quality, better customer service, and more detail oriented than a regular party. But more often than not, the opposite is true. Cut out entirely stuff you don’t care about: favors, champagne, welcome bags, proposal gifts and day of props, etc.


You can absolutely have a stunning wedding with very little money. It won’t be featured in magazines with fancy ones but the focus should be the love, not the price tag.
Also, don’t feel like you are limited to the wedding industry’s offerings only , because that’s what they want to think: that only they can provide you with a quality wedding. But you aren’t allowed to negotiate out various elements that not everyone wants or needs.
Get grocery store flowers and cake. Have your favorite local restaurant provide drop off catering. Get bulk alcohol from a local liquor warehouse and poll your guests before you decide what to serve: your group may prefer a local margarita truck instead of beer/wine. Go on eventective.com for a blank slate venue where you can pick your own vendors and they provide tables/chairs.

Yesss I do I don’t feel like the couple should stress over the party if the couple doesn’t want a wedding

View Quoted Comment We aren’t hard-pressed for money or anything like that. It’s not like we would be struggling in other aspects of our life if we have an expensive wedding, but it just feels wasteful to me. I can just think of a million other things I’d rather spend it on. Whatever. It’s just money. Can’t take it with you when you die so might as well use it.

I was legit just thinking the same thing before I saw this post!

View Quoted Comment It was a bit heartbreaking when it dawned unto me last night. I legit cried for a while, but I’m the master of rationalizing so I feel a lot better about it today. And it was also 100% my TOM since I just started today. I get super sensitive around that time. Probably wasn’t a great time to finish budgeting LOL!