Aly
Just Said Yes September 2021

Multiple Moh?

Aly, on June 14, 2021 at 9:37 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17
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My MOH lives on the other side of the state, so she hasn’t been able to help as much with the planning as a MOH typically would. I have a friend who’s literally helped me plan the entire thing and I don’t know if I could’ve done any of it without her, and she wasn’t in the bridal party at all. I asked her to be a co MOH because I felt she really deserved that title and recognition. When I told my MOH it would be 2 MOH she got upset. What should I do? I want my friend to be something more than just a Bridesmaid because realistically she’s helping with MOH duties.

17 Comments

Latest activity by Melissa, on June 17, 2021 at 8:38 PM
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    I would start with apologizing to your original MOH. Unfortunately, the damage is somewhat done now but you can apologize. Your MOH is not responsible for wedding planning. It’s not their responsibility. Your other friend was generous and excited to help, but that doesn’t make your MOH bad. You should have made her a bridesmaid if she wasn’t even in the bridal party but again, damage is kind of done.
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  • Aly
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Aly ·
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    Ya and I get that, but in every wedding I have gone to where there wasn’t the funds for a planner—a MOH helped and also helped make decor.
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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    That’s definitely not the norm or the expectation. You should have the wedding that you can fund and personally DIY decor. If someone offers to help, great. It is not up to your MOH.
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  • Aly
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Aly ·
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    Then we will certainly agree to disagree, a MOH should definitely be assisting me so I am not as stressed
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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    Your fiancé should be helping you. It’s his wedding, not your MOH or bridesmaids.
    Why is there this belief that the bride’s side does all the legwork/labor/planning? The groom is really getting off the hook!
    Are the groomsmen helping plan the wedding or is that not something you would expect? I’m curious as to the reasoning on the answer.
    • Reply
  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag

    That was an incredibly hurtful thing to spring upon her, and I understand why she is upset. It is not your MOH's job to plan your wedding - that task falls to you and your future spouse. If others offer to help, like your other very sweet friend, that's fantastic! Maybe she just enjoys wedding/event planning. I would apologize and try to make sure she knows her value to you extends beyond what she can do for you in terms of wedding planning. Your FUTURE SPOUSE should "definitely be assisting you, so you are not as stressed."

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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    Employ your fiancé then so you’re not as stressed.
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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
    • Flag
    Did your MOH say what’s making her upset? Does she feel like you’re telling her she’s doing a bad job so you need another MOH?
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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    If that is what you think, then why in the world did you choose an MOH who lives on the other side of the state? Did you expect her to drive across the state weekly to fulfill her MOH "duties"? And PPs are correct, the MOH is not required to assist you with anything. If they'd like to, great, but it's not their duty.

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  • Sabrina
    Savvy September 2022
    Sabrina ·
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    I agree with you. The MOH is who traditionally steps up to help the bride with anything she needs through out the wedding planning process. I personally don't understand why she is so mad. It's not like you removed her as MOH you just added another MOH . I would just explain to her that it means a lot to you to have them both be your MOH. It's your wedding if you want to have a million MOH's and that's whats gonna make you happy on your day then do it! Ppl tend to forget it's not about them it's about you! As long as you weren't rude or disrespectful with it then I really don't see the issue.
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  • Piper
    Dedicated April 2022
    Piper ·
    • Flag

    I'm not sure why the original MOH got upset.

    Having 1 or 2 MOH(s) is up to you, this is not her call,especially since you're adding another girl but not removing her.

    Her reaction is as childish and selfish as someone who complains for bot being asked to be a MOH,bridesmaid/man, best man/woman or groomsman/woman.

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  • Janet
    Devoted October 2018
    Janet ·
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    I can sort of understand why she is upset. Our wedding party members are not free unpaid wedding planners who need to drop everything and be available for the entire length of your engagement. They are your nearest and dearest friends, and the MOH is (usually) the one friend you have the strongest relationship with, not the person who has all the time in the world to help plan your wedding. That's what your spouse and/or wedding planner is for. Ask them for opinions on colors or flowers or other small things, but that's about all the "planning" they should be doing

    If you were looking for a free wedding planner, you shouldn't have picked the one who lives that far away.

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  • Aly
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Aly ·
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    I want to be clear that I didn’t demote her in any way though. After the last year of COVID I haven’t been very close with anyone, so I chose friends I felt I would have forever regardless of how close we are. Now I have a friend whom we see each other often and her wedding is 20 days after mine, so she gets it. She’s been helping me so much that I wanted her to be part of the big day. It didn’t make sense for me to make her a bridesmaid because she’s doing way more than the average bridesmaid does. So I thought co MOH would be perfect. My best friend for life and my current closefriend—who talks to me on a more regular basis. I didn’t want a free wedding planner but I made it clear I wanted help navigating some décor questions, help making my Cricut signs, etc. I knew she wouldn’t be here for everything that’s why I didn’t see the issue of splitting a MOH duties
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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    Again, you’re choosing people based on what they can for you and “honoring them” with a title.
    Your original MOH didn’t do enough so you added another one. This is yours and your fiancé’s wedding. You are marrying your fiancé. Where is he in all of this?
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  • L
    Lisa ·
    • Flag


    Since you follow my post, you’ll notice a trend: I’m tired of bridal parties being treated poorly by brides who expect free labor, especially when there is no mention of the fiancé or what his groomsmen are helping with. I will continue to comment on those posts. The wedding is the couple’s responsibility, not the bridal parties.
    And most importantly, your MOH is not responsible for your stress management.
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    There are not MOH "duties" despite what all the wedding industry companies try to sell. The "honour" part of the title is for you to honour them, not the other way around.

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  • Melissa
    Savvy August 2021
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    I have a similar issue. My MOH lives in a different state, and has NOT been helpful at all for me. But to nice to tell her she is LACKING.
    So if you want to have two MOH then GO RIGHT AHEAD
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