Multi Purpose Save the Dates? (tentative Headcounts, Addresses, Etc.)

We didn't give blank "plus ones" to anyone but the wedding party (all the single members opted not to bring anyone anyway). But we did invite all couples, so we didn't need to ask yes or no for plus one. So that's an option! Does this mean you'll have to collect everyone's emails anyway? It seems easier to just collect addresses? What if someone doesn't have an email?

I feel like electronic save the dates are fine since save the dates aren't a necessity in the first place. Collecting addresses that way seems convenient and efficient. I do think that you need to take control of your guest list and tell people whether or not you're giving them a plus one, not have them tell you. If it's a person in a relationship, you should be addressing the invitation to them and their significant other by name. If it's a single person, you can offer them a plus one or not. It's not their decision.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! We'd like to offer the plus one to our single guests (and of course they don't have to take it) but I wonder is it tacky to ask on the save the date vs formal invite? Of course we wouldn't not send an invite to anyone who didn't get a save the date, but would like a general idea about the plus 1's because we may then be able to expand the list if some don't bring a date

No, you don't ask them if they will have a plus one, you tell them whether or not they can have a plus one.

Plus ones are for truly single people, and often only given if the particular guest won't know anyone else; it's a nice gesture to let them bring a friend/date.

But whether or not people have plus ones is your decision, you and FH, not the guests. For every guest who gets a plus one, that's two people you need to account for, not just one. So, adding plus ones can seriously affect your budget. These are things you need to consider before deciding to allow plus ones for your single guests. Another potential problem is that it's something that can really blow a budget out of control. How many people can you realistically afford to host? If that number gets blown out of the water by allowing plus ones for all single guests, you'll probably need to rethink that plan and do something else.

Look at how many truly single people you are inviting, to get the real number of plus ones. If you can afford that many guests, then by all means give everyone a plus one. But if you can't, then don't give the plus ones. A lot of times single guests will have other family and friends present, so don't really need a plus one.

But all of this is YOUR decision, not the guests.

View Quoted Comment Ah makes sense! We're totally fine with having the option of plus 1s for our single guests, but are.more curious about if it's appropriate to ask this question on a save the date vs actual Invitation

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I guess it's fine? But I would say that would change for a lot of guests in the span of receiving the save the date and the invite.

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I wouldn't find that to be appropriate. Especially considering save the dates typically go out 6-8 months before the wedding. Guests aren't going to know if they're bringing a plus one at that point. They might give you an answer, but there's a pretty good chance that your count is going to be off by the time invitations go out. I would plan your guest list like each person you're offering a plus one is going to take advantage of it, that way if they decline later, it's just saving you money.

View Quoted Comment That makes sense. What are the thoughts on strategizing adding additional people if some don't take advantage of a plus 1?

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No. This is B-listing and is generally considered pretty rude. You get one guest list. If people decline, you save money. That's it.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think it’s TACKY so to speak, just that you won’t get meaningful answers. The big problem I see is if I got this question when I was single I’d say no (I wouldn’t bring a random date), but if I met someone between save the date and invite— then what happens? Have you given my plus one’s seat away? If you had addressed the save the date to “and guest” I think most people would presume that their date would still be invited, if their situation changed, even if they answered a tentative no ! So despite all your careful calculations, you still have to find a way to squeeze the guest in in the end. I think it’s just easier if you want to give plus ones with your invites to do just that.

View Quoted Comment Hmm, I see what you're saying. I was someone's Blist and of course was told like 2 weeks before the wedding, didn't get a formal invite, but it ended up being ok. Of course, not my favorite, but it didn't bother me too much. Coworkers usually arent high on the list unless others decline...

View Quoted Comment That makes sense especially since we're sending save the dates earlier than normal