Mr. & Mrs. or Dr. & Mrs. ?

I don’t think it comes off as pretentious if that’s the title he prefers and uses in his every day life. One of our friends changed his title to Dr on everything (credit card, IDs) as soon as he got his PhD so I’m wouldn’t be surprised if he uses Dr when he’s announced at his wedding. I’d ask what he prefers. If it were me, I would rather go with Mr and Mrs because I like the sound better but I don’t think guests would find it annoying if he wanted to use his actual title!

Following...my fiance is a doctor in pharmacology but he doesn't use the title often.

Generally, Dr is only used to refer to a Ph.D used in academic or work, if related, settings. Yes, it comes off as pretentious. In any wedding announcement and webcite, you can provide information about education.

I guess my question would be.... if you had a PhD, would you be Mr. and Dr. Last Name? In my opinion, Probably not.

My best friend is finishing her Doctorate so i understand it’s a lot of work, but this day isn’t about that.

I have my doctorate in physical therapy and definitely will not be using it. Yes, I worked extremely hard to earn this title and had to take a grueling board exam, but I would rather be a “Mrs.” especially on my wedding day

It’s really his preference. A friend of mine who is a doctor had the same debate but eventually decided that he has every day of his life to be a Dr. and the whole day is about celebrating becoming Mr. and Mrs.

The most proper is to address someone with any honorific they are entitled to, that they prefer to use. It varies regionally, as well as by individual, what people themselves prefer. In our area, Ph.D. and other doctoral degrees are used in academic or research areas, and wherever credentials in a file matter. But usually not socially. But it is not pretentious to want to use a title you have earned. Let him choose. It likely matters a lot when just earned. And in the first 5 years ir so, getting established in a career, it tells people info up front that may get you a job, which matters.

My opinion would be to use Mr. for a wedding - to me it does come off a little pretentious to use Dr. in that setting. I am sure most people know of his accomplishment and are very proud of him, but your wedding day isn’t about that. It is ultimately his choice on which to use.

I think this depends so much on whether he intends to use "Dr." socially and your preferences (and how you might think it will be perceived by your guests). I'm in academia and personally agree that it's absolutely appropriate for work, but I wouldn't use it socially. I have a work acquaintance who we also crossed paths with through our children's activities. At one point we set up a carpool out of convenience (we weren't close socially). When our then 7-8 year old child thanked "Mr. Jones," for the ride as she exited his vehicle, he sternly corrected her that she needed to call him "DR. Jones!" Even as a kid she thought it was pretentious and he was a jerk (and she didn't at the time know the word "pretentious"... just that he came off as stuck-up and rude; and, she was always a very polite and respectful child, it's not like she wanted to call him "Jimmy" or something). It's been well over 15 years and when he comes up in conversation (we still work together), we all jokingly refer to him as "CALL-ME-DOCTOR-JONES"! (And, at work, most people think he's a jerk....) I'd just think about how this will be perceived and how FH "sees" himself, socially.

How did you send out invites? Did you send invites to Dr and Mrs (or Dr. and Mr, etc) for every guest with a doctorate of any type? And most attorneys have a J.D. Or do you only respect HIS doctorate, not others?

Usually only MDs and DDSs use "doctor" socially. Yes, it's pretentious for others to do so. Imagine if every lawyer (JD) used "doctor"--

View Quoted Comment I do tend to agree with this. I know several Ph.Ds and none of them use Dr. socially. Except sometimes jokingly. I'd definitely roll my eyes at them if they used it at their wedding, even though I'd be rude to do it.

I just commented the same thing on another post, but for announcements how about, "introducing as husband and wife, Dr. and Mrs. Abc!" You could use Mr. & Mrs. as a cake topper and mix and match. Best of both worlds

View Quoted Comment This seems like an oddly aggressive comment, Karen. I don't think she was disparaging other doctoral types.

View Quoted Comment Further, the honorific for a JD is Esq., not Dr.

View Quoted Comment

JD is a Juris Doctor, and is no less a doctorate than any other doctorate. Most attorneys are not so ridiculous as to want to be called Dr. I was not responding to OP, but to the poster who seemed to think that the guests would not regard her referring to her FH as Dr as silly or pretentious.

View Quoted Comment Yes, however as stated, the honorific is not doctor, its Esquire. So to call a JD a doctor is inaccurate, thus why lawyers don't go by doctor. Therefore, to call a lawyer a doctor is silly, as its incorrect. To call a PhD a doctor is not silly, because its accurate. No one was saying anything disparaging about JDs vs PhD, MD etc. yet you've taken it upon yourself to feel attacked on this matter.

Thank you all! This was very helpful! We’ll be going the Mr. & Mrs. route 😊 and to Karen with the aggressive comment, we have many friends and family members with doctorate degrees who we respect and acknowledged every single one of them when addressing our invites. Thanks for your input!

A career title is just that in my mind. Someone just asked this about the female being the doctor and I said the same to her. Does his family refer to him as Dr. so & so? If not, just use Mr. Etiquette says you obviously address envelopes with their correct title and emails and such but if the word doctor isn't thrown around socially I would just use Mr! Seems you decided on Mr already!

Hello, I've worked hard to gain a PhD and I use my title. I am not defined by my gender or marital status and if anyone think it is pretentious then.... up to you! My fiance and I will Dr and Mr and I'm not changing my surname, also walking down the aisle alone. Let the judgements commence!! P.s. I live in Europe.