Move Up the Wedding?

Guessing you're a doctor. I'd change it. You've worked so hard you shouldn't let anything get in the way of your career. A wedding is ONE DAY. Listen to your mentor.

I absolutely think that if your venue is available on a date in June that you should move it up. We'd like to think that things like that shouldn't matter if we are good at what we do, but reality is that they do. I agree with "laying low" and if that means moving the date up, then definitely consider it. You also still have LOTS of time to plan, it's not as if you are moving it up to June of this year.

I would change it. Like many people say on here...no one cares as much about your wedding as you do, especially your job. We moved out date due to DH's job up from April to March. It wasn't a huge deal other than the flowers I wanted being too expensive that early in the season. As important as my wedding was to me, ultimately I wasn't going to allow it to affect my career which is also why I only took 2 days off for it.

Would FH be okay with changing the date? If the date does not have that much sentimental value to it then I would listen to your mentor. I agree with Robin... the wedding is just one day and your career is the rest of your life...

Do what works best for you and your FH. Talk to your venue to see if an earlier date is available. If it is and you want to move it, do so.

I chose our date based on my work schedule. We had originally wanted a September wedding, but my job is highly based around quarters and end of Sept is end of Q3. I didn't want to leave for two weeks and dump all that work onto a coworker/come back to what was sure to be a shitstorm...

Agree with the ladies above! If you're able to move it- do it! What's a few weeks earlier in the grand scheme of things?? Plus sounds like you've come a far way to get to this point! Wouldn't want to start off the wrong way!

I think if it's going to impact your career and you have the time to move it, if I were you I would move it. You are entering a very competitive field (I'm sure you know that) and anything that can make you vulnerable people are going to jump on it to get ahead over you.

This is your situation, but I can let you know what I did in mine.

I wanted a May wedding. It was our anniversary. About 1 month after getting engaged I got a new job. The job was finally in the field I wanted to be in, but was temporary for only a year. I work in education so we decided it would be best to get married during the summer. I thought let's get married in June because I want to get married, sooner the better. We started hunting for venues. Then I realized a June wedding won't give me much time for last minute stuff. FH didn't want to get married in July. Something about that's when his parents were married. We moved it to August. It had to be early August because I work in education. Schools start around mid-August here.

It is not uncommon to move a wedding date for professional reasons.

I disagree with all prior viewpoints. Why is transitioning into a second year something that would make you move up your wedding? Would a man consider doing that?

I didn't think so.

Honestly, if your career is very important to you I would just move the date. You're far enough out where it should be a smooth transition to move everything up a few weeks. Like others have said, your wedding is not as important to anyone but you. If your date doesn't have any sentimental value and it will better your career, I would move it.

Thanks for the responses ladies! I agree a few weeks isn't that big of deal in the grand scheme of things and I am moving UP and not back (I waited 10 years to get to this point and adding to the almost 2 yr engagement would SUCK) but when I told some of my friends they reacted like @LivelyBride. I've contacted the 3 vendors I did book to see if they were available for a June 11 wedding but its still up in the air. I just wanted to see what the stance was because I'm definitely a girl power type of chick (hence the career choice) and I was struggling a bit. I agree though one day for the wedding is wayyyy less important than my entire career.

@Robin- yup, finally got that lovely MD and will be becoming an orthopedic surgeon (total boys club).

@Kayla FH basically said that mentor and I were overthinking but if it can be done and I was really worried he'd be fine.

@LivelyBride Honestly, if I were a male she wouldn't have looked at it the same way because she thinks they wouldn't look at it the same way. Transitioning to second year makes me more important to the team (the new interns would be coming in and as a 2nd yr, I'd be managing them and helping them adjust). The old boys club still thinks the man just shows up but as the woman, making all the decisions and planning, it would have been something that I could have easily done in June instead. It wouldn't derail my career but I'd have to live with the constant "well you are the one who decided to get married in July" when I could just kill the noise and do it in June. And she felt like that would be strike 1 and then when I get pregnant in a few years it could be something else for them to nag me about.

@Victoria, are you in the south?

Trust the opinions of your peers more so than brides on WW. This isn't a slam to the WW brides...(love them and you can trust them on most things) but medicine is very different from other professions and until you're in it (or on the periphery) you are clueless to it. Is your mentor female? Is she a physician? Are you specializing?

Are you concerned that you'd be passed over for leadership positions?

I'd listen to your mentor before I'd listen to anyone here, no matter how well meaning.

As a raging - and proud - feminist, I see nothing wrong with acknowledging reality. There are a LOT of things that go into selecting a wedding date: school schedules, work schedules for family, whether the bride (or primary planner) will have time in the weeks leading up to the event, etc. Just because a man in your position won't also have to deal with the nagging of colleagues who may judge because of your wedding doesn't mean you should ignore it.

I, too, scheduled my wedding around the needs of my male-dominated field (law). I pushed mine BACK 6 months so I could marry in between positions, that way I didn't need to request time off for something as "frivolous" (their attitude, not mine) as extra time for the wedding week and honeymoon. There is nothing wrong with arranging your life so you can have all of the pleasures of a rewarding career and the wedding of your dreams, while also minimizing any blow-back.

Congrats on your residency, and happy planning!

If you want to move up your wedding, do it, but I think you're teaching your male colleagues that you will make adjustments to your life that they don't have to make. I wouldn't do that.

I worked as an exec within the largest health system in my state for ten years. Before that I worked in medical/healthcare focused organizations. Never met a female chief resident in my life. I don't even live in the south. Discrimination exists.

Don't change your life around to suit anyone. That's my view. I think you'll be more respected for NOT accommodating anyone. Never explain, never complain. If your mentor is a female physician, how old is she? Get a lot of opinions from female residents. Then decide. It's hard enough without second-guessing yourself.

As I said before and Celia seconded, don't get career advice on WW. Good luck. Let us know what you decide.

I agree with the others. It sucks that weddings and babies can screw you over in your career, but it is a reality. I've been there, done that, and I would definitely move a wedding to accommodate my career.

I definitely agree that if it doesn't hurt to push your wedding up a little, go for it! Working at the hospital, I think 99% of all the residents who are getting married do so during that June "summer break".

I live in DC but am from Florida originally. That being said, the DMV considers themselves Southern (although I don't). Also, I know better than to trust strangers over my peers but I thought it was an interesting question and I wanted to see if the opinions were skewed because the people I asked knew me or if it was purely because of their stance on the issue at hand. I didn't make it this far by trusting everything that came my way

My mentor is a 40 something year old female orthopedic surgeon who went through residency and practiced for a few years before having to put the knife down due to her health. She now runs a non-profit organization to increase minority and female presence in medicine and specifically orthopedic surgery (i.e. she knows lots of program directors and higher ups so I definitely value her opinion).

I am definitely not afraid of being passed up for any leadership position. They may be a bunch of guys and say sexist things but they respect hard work, regardless of who it comes from. If I perform, they will acknowledge it. Period. If not, I'll take it. Women in surgery is a growing trend and while orthopedic surgery is slow in catching up, they are catching up. In my program of 20 residents, there will be 7 female residents (compared to the 6% average nationally). I was definitely planning on talking to some female residents further in there career (I know one in particular who recently got engaged and want her opinion for sure).

As far as what I plan to do, I think I am going to move it because like I said I'm not overly attached to my date and like many of you mentioned, I am far enough out that it shouldn't be that hard. I still have a few more people to talk to but I agree that my career is very important to both FH and I and it would be foolish to compromise that for one day. I can also be more effective in changing the culture from the inside and in good graces. Thanks for all the well wishes and support

This is a touch one, I'd probably listen to your mentor. It may have certainly helped my career if FH had proposed sooner and we were married already. I am from Florida and when you are looking to practice in a new area an interview question you get a lot is "Why do you want to practice here?" or "Why aren't you going home to practice?" Then I am forced to give a generic answer about opportunity blah blah blah. Instead of well, my husband/fiance lives here and he is already established and we are looking to start out life together here. Even at the job I have now (I didn't interview/ I got an offer over lunch) one of my supervisors asked at the lunch "are you still with your boyfriend?" "Ok, good so this want be the only reason you're still here." I mean it makes sense if your in an area you don't like as soon as another opportunity comes in an area you like you're gonna take it.

I don't know if I can give advice on your specific situation other than trust your mentor and any other respected higher ups in your program or department. But I can tell you that I chose my wedding date around my work schedule. Sure, I could have taken time off during our busiest week to get married. But I know I will feel better and not experience any negative repercussions, outright or subconscious, by waiting until the busy season is over. I am a feminist and have a very strong, independent woman personality. I happen to work in education, a female-dominated field, but everyone, men and women, need to prioritize work and personal lives as each individual sees fit.