Mother wants to invite to shower but not wedding

You are right, she's wrong.

Just say no

Etiquette on showers must have been different years ago (or be frequently ignored), because my MOH's mother-in-law (a longtime family friend) wants to do the same thing for me. She wants to do a church shower, even though I haven't attended that church/lived in my hometown full-time since I was 18. I felt bad putting the kibosh on the idea to my MOH, because I know they did the same thing for her, but she was 23 and still living in our hometown. I feel icky basically asking for gifts from people I've only seen in passing for the past 20 years.

Just say no or compromise and make sure the invites say something like "no gift necessary , come celebrate bride to be"

I feel you. My mom got it into her head that alcohol doesn't belong at showers (and she claimed that my sister who is an alcoholic might be tempted). Rather than die on the bridal shower hill I conceded, it was a very nice shower but a mimosa would have made it even lovelier.

Stick to your guns on the etiquette about whoever is invited to the shower MUST be invited to the wedding. I ended up inviting quit a few relatives to the wedding who I knew couldn't make it to the wedding (it was out of state) but still came to the shower. I sent out thank you cards right away and that was that.

But alcohol still would have been nice.

I've also heard of a lot of mothers/other family anything to invite their church/work/other friends so I agree w pp that it's probably a newer tradition to only invite those invited to the wedding.

Depending on how many people she wants to invite, do you have flexibility in your guest list for the wedding to send invites to anyone she invites that you didn't already have on your guest list? (I ask because for my situation I could add 5 or 10, because my incremental pp cost isn't too high and we are doing a buffet. I realize that may not work for others!)

We have room to add people to the list, especially since the wedding will be in a different state, I know a lot of my Dallas family will not be able to attend, but this is all great advice!

You're right about the etiquette--if you get invited to the shower you get invited to the wedding. Aren't you in charge of your guest list? If your mom sends the Dallas family an invite to the shower then send them invitations to the wedding

I'm having the same problem with my mom. I live 12 hours away and she is hosting a shower in my home town. She is insisting on inviting her friends and states they don't want to come to the wedding. I have given up. I've told her a hundred times the proper etiquette and that I can't add them to the wedding guest list. If she invites them, she invites them. It is what it is at this point. I have bigger things to handle.

Eh, in the same situation, my mom has a list together and some aren't invited to the wesdding. I've stated what I thought, but since technically, I have no say since I'm the bride and can't plan my own shower....sooo... I left it to her.. no compromise there

That would be No, No and No.