Mother throwing money in my face.

Give it back.

She's going to use that money to manipulate you. If she doesn't want your FS to use it, but she's going to complain about how you use it...

It's not worth it.

I'm sorry, my mother is toxic, too.

It's really hard to know your mom's intentions based on your post, but from what you've shared, it sounds like being able to give you this money is something she worked hard and perhaps sacrificed to do? Given her short list of suggestions -- emergency, house, wedding, etc. -- it seems she wanted the money to be a special gift for you and maybe kind of a "security blanket"? Depending on how she normally interprets things (some people joke and tease a lot, others don't), I can see how she may have been hurt by your "boob job" response. To her that might have seemed like a very frivolous use of money she sacrificed to give you. (Again, this might depend a lot on how she views things like elective plastic surgery, etc.) I agree with Sexypoodle and Tiger Bride that perhaps the two of you are looking at the situation from very different angles. It's not like she's said the use of the money is restricted to something like inviting her 200 best friends to your wedding or something else self-serving; it seems she wants it to be a special gift that provides you with a cushion/options you otherwise wouldn't have. I'd try to step back and see things from her perspective, and then I'd talk with her and sincerely apologize for joking about something she clearly takes very seriously. If you're concerned about this coming up again, I might also talk more specifically about what kinds of things she'd like to see the money spent on. If it becomes clear there are restrictions you don't want to abide by, then maybe consider giving the money back.... Personally, I have a hard time imagining a downside to having some extra cash set aside for an emergency. I say that as someone who was gifted a relatively modest financial asset 30+ years ago; other relatives immediately cashed their gift in and spent it on furnishings or travel, etc., we held on to ours and it's now worth at least sixteen times as much as when we received it.... Good luck!

I agree with this. I think maybe you meant the joke as "oh my goodness, i am really grateful for this extra financial security, and i would never be frivolous with it, and to illustrate my point, i'm gonna say something so ridiculous and frivolous that it'll be totally clear to everyone that it's 100% a joke!!!" and then you said it, and (perhaps) she didn't realize it was 100% a joke. I can see how even a small joke might ignite some fear in her that her daughter might spend the money on something frivolous...and then end up needing the money down the line....and then being up a creek (the exact situation she wanted to avoid). I think a heartfelt apology and trying to see her side of the story might be good. I truly don't think she's trying to manipulate you.....I think she's fearful of the saying that 'behind every joke, there's a little bit of truth.'

I forgot to mention that perhaps another issue might be your different life experiences and/or financial situations. You mentioned that you are in good shape financially and don't need your mom's money. Compare that to her description of her having "worked hard" for that money. Those different perspectives might also be at play in this conflict. To her, it might be a sacrificial gift and to you it's a nice unexpected bonus. Also, do you think your mom has ever felt like a lack of her own personal resources made things particularly challenging for her? For example, was she divorced or widowed or otherwise is a position where a lack of her own resources had a significant impact on her? That might help explain her request that the gift be yours alone -- she hopes to spare you that kind of challenge. The financial gifts I mentioned in my earlier response were given to my siblings and me, in our names only -- not including our spouses. 30+ years later, the asset is still in my name, although, H is the primary beneficiary, if something were to happen to me. Similarly, my husband's family has gifted/bequeathed things in his name only. Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Good luck to you! I truly hope you can work this out with your mom so you are both comfortable.

This. Frankly, I agree with your mom and see where she's coming from. I think your joke was in really poor taste and she let you know that it hurt her feelings and demonstrated to her that you fundamentally misunderstood the nature and meaning behind the gift. Do what you will, but I would be sincerely apologizing to my mother for my thoughtless joke and thanking her for the gesture.