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Just Said Yes June 2023

Mother son dance

Georgie, on May 8, 2023 at 3:21 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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So I have a question about the mother son dance. I am the bride and I want to clarify that my future mother in law is great! She has been wonderful in planning, helpful, kind, encouraging and not overbearing at all. But my problem is the mother son dance. Me and my fiancé have planned over a year that we were doing to do a fun dance. Start out with a slow traditional dance and the dramatic Lu switch to an electro swing song and dance. It’s a surprise but my fml knows about it. Last week she came up with an idea for her and my fiancé to do their own chronographs dance with three song switches. I feel like a jerk but it’s really bothering me. It feels like it will upstage the couples dance we have been planing and it’s making me very upset. I don’t want to ruin this for her but I don’t think it should be ruined for me either. What do I do? Ps my fiancé thinks the two dances are a great idea and doesn’t get why I am upset.

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Jasmine S., on May 9, 2023 at 2:51 PM

Super October 2023
Alyssa · on May 8, 2023 at 6:45 AM
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From a guest point of view: if I have to sit through 2 long dances with multiple song switches I'm going to be annoyed. It is really boring to watch people dance even if it's more than swaying side to side.

From a brides point of view: why does she need to do a 3 song Mashup dance? You and your fiance need to be on the same page. And if he wants to do a second really really long dance with his mom then just let him. It's just odd that FMIL wants to do a choreographed dance.
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Super December 2022
LM · on May 8, 2023 at 7:44 AM
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Nope, no twinning at your wedding. As a guest, I would be very creeped out if the MIL tried to match the bride.
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Master October 2023
Cece · on May 8, 2023 at 8:32 AM
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Agreed. I would find it a bit over the top (and quite frankly, boring), to have to sit through 2 choreographed dances. If your fiancé really wants to do it though, I guess I would oblige. It’s not worth starting an argument over. I would just make sure your dance is first, and that there is some time lapse before the mother-son dance (ie, do yours immediately after your reception entrance, then they do theirs after dinner to kick off the dancing portion of the evening). Doing them back to back will definitely take away from your dance, and will be unpleasant for guests.
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CM · on May 8, 2023 at 9:01 AM
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These routines have only become trendy in recent times. I agree that the risk here is coming across like it’s a competition. It’s a first dance, not a performance or show.

But IMO that can also be true in more general terms with couples feeling the need to upstage other couples. Some of the highly choreographed routines you see at weddings these days would be right at home on film or stage. Guests are not necessarily interested in being a captive audience.
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Savvy January 2022
Mallory · on May 8, 2023 at 9:14 AM
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Agree with PP about not wanting to sit through two choreographed dances. Ultimately, I'd say you should go with what FH wants but maybe you can better articulate what about it bothers you. I know it can feel silly, but clearly stating that you feel it takes away from what the two of you are doing could make it click more for him. Good luck.
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on May 9, 2023 at 2:51 PM
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I agree that that sounds like too many dances and too long for guests to sit through. Is she willing to switch it to a slow dance, or just make it shorter? You and your FH could do a short first dance (like play the song for maybe a minute), then transition to a different song where your family join in. I did something similar at my wedding. Of course his mom has to agree to this. If she's the type who "needs" the spotlight all to herself, then I would suggest having your FH talk to her about just using ONE song and making sure there isn't much "choreography" that looks like it's copying yours.
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