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Just Said Yes May 2020

Mother & Sister drama

Chicky2020, on July 26, 2019 at 1:34 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

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Back story: My sister lied to the family about not coming to Christmas with her two daughters. When she finally told the truth that she wasn't planning on coming to Christmas at my parents house, that offended my mother so much so that she called my sister and cussed her out. This highly offended my sister but she was sticking to her guns. However, on the day of Christmas she did end up showing up for less than an hour to allow just the girls to open their gifts, then they left, hardly saying a word the whole time. Since then my mom has repeatedly apologized for the outburst but my sister refuses to forgive her. This has put a huge strain on the whole family, because my parents force my other two sister and myself to try to talk to her and convince her to forgive my mom. Which we all have done to no avail. My sister has completely blocked my parents off from communication and my siblings and I refuse to talk to her unless she forgives/forgets this whole fiasco.

Its been almost 8 months now and my sister still refuses to speak to my mom. I am now engaged and plan on getting married next Spring. I really want my sister to be one of my bridesmaids and my two nieces to be flower girls. How do I get her to stop holding a grudge, forgive and move on from this long, drawn out fight? I just cannot allow myself to invite her, much less let her be a bridesmaid if she continues this behavior.

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Sarah, on July 26, 2019 at 4:07 PM

VIP April 2019
Nikita · on July 26, 2019 at 1:44 PM
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You cannot control her behavior or her feelings. You can only control your actions. My family has a lot of no-contact. The more you push, the more damage it causes. They have to solve it themselves. All you can do is point out how it hurts you and how much you need everyone there for you. Let them decide for themselves how they want to behave. If you're not comfortable with their choices, that in itself is a choice.
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Super July 2021
Alycia · on July 26, 2019 at 1:50 PM
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Tell her everything you just told us. It’s causing a wedge, it’s gone on long enough, and you really want her to be in the wedding but not if it’s going to make your wedding day awkward. She’s an adult. I’m sure she has said things she regrets before. If she can’t forgive after 8 months, she will be missing out on a lot of family events. Worse, her kids are going to miss out.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on July 26, 2019 at 2:19 PM
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I agree with PP. All you can do is tell her how you feel. She should be able to move on at this point. I will say this, without knowing the entire situation, sometimes parents have a hard time accepting their children have a family of their own. I know that if my mom lost it on me because I couldn't spend the actual day of christmas with her, I would be so mad. Again, I don't know all the circumstances of this situation and odds are neither do you. We don't always know what drives other's choices. Good luck!
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on July 26, 2019 at 2:20 PM
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You can't.
It sounds like your mother was kinda terrible to her and she was hurt. Just because your mother apologized doesn't mean she isn't still hurt.
Ask her to be in the wedding party or don't. She doesn't have to forgive your mother, and you shouldn't demand that of her.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 26, 2019 at 2:50 PM
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Sadly, you really can't change her mind. Go ahead and ask your sister to be a BM if you'd like, but be prepared for her to be reluctant. Good luck!
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Super March 2019
Alejandra · on July 26, 2019 at 4:02 PM
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I agree with this, she doesn't have to accept the apology and if she's so badly hurt by your mother then thats just the way she feels. The one who needs to try and convince her is your mother and no one else. My personal opinion is that you should ask her to be a bridesmaid and let her and your mom work our their stuff at their time. Put yourself in her shoes and ask how you would have felt if your mom told you what she told her. Your sis and Mom are adults and need to put their ish aside or just be cordial and done.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on July 26, 2019 at 4:07 PM
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I agree with this.

Honestly, if my mother called me and screamed at me and cussed me out because I was choosing to miss Christmas and spend it with just my child(ren) which is my prerogative as a mother, I’d probably never forgive her either. Your mother had no right to lose it on your sister over her choice as an adult and you have no right to demand that your sister forgive your mother.
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