Mother of the Groom

Maybe you can see what she was planning on doing in terms of design, first?

I would maybe ask her why she wants to make her dress and have an open conversation about the amount of work it will take. Has she made clothes before?

View Quoted Comment

I will definitely ask her for design ideas. I just have a very difficult time envisioning something unless I see it in person so until the dress would be done I wouldn't actually know what it will look like one her.

View Quoted Comment

She said it would add a nice personal touch to her outfit if she made the dress. She has made clothes before. She used to make all of her own clothes, but tends to wear large t-shirts and shorts so nothing like a formal dress to a black tie optional wedding. I'm pretty sure most of the clothes she wears now are actually men's clothes.

View Quoted Comment I think, as Melle mentioned, if you see the design it may make you feel better about it. Plus, she said she wants you to pick out fabric with her. Fabric definitely plays a large role in how formal a dress looks, so if you are able to see the fabric and the pattern, that may quell your anxiety.

Honestly, if she has sewn clothes before I assume she knows how much work is involved and that she would plan accordingly. Especially if she says she is going to have you and your FH see it beforehand. I have seen some absolutely beautiful formal gowns that were hand made, nobody who didn't know they were hand made would have thought they were. However, if you are concerned that it won't be formal enough I would just ask her what design she has in mind for it. And as Hannah said, you could steer her towards a more formal fabric if you think that would help.

I think you can make suggestions if she wants you along at the fabric store, but at the end of the day, it's totally her choice. It's really not worth stressing over--if she ends up in something silly or "off-formal," that'll be on her. I'd suggest dropping the rope.

Maybe offer to go dress shopping with her first? Be like "I know you want to make your dress but, maybe we should go try on some dresses so you get an idea." That way it might give her a good idea of what you're going for with your black-tie event. Then she will either find a design based on what she tried on and make the dress or she will release that this is too much for her and just buy one while your shopping or closer to the wedding. I made costumes for the theatre department in college and formal wear can be quite elaborate. She might have made clothes before but not to this scale (especially since you said she's a tomboy). Going dress shopping before fabric shopping might be for the best so she sees what she is committing to.

As someone who has done a LOT of sewing, if she can do pants she can DEFINITELY make a dress. It could be beautiful, especially if she inviting you to help pick the fabric. I'd let her do it. It's a lot of fun and great for stress relief. Plus she can always buy a pattern. And she's gracious enough to say she'll buy a dress if you don't like what she makes. I think there are no negatives here. Let her do it.

View Quoted Comment

My concern biggest is the fact that she procrastinates. She is the type of person to get something done the night before.

View Quoted Comment Just say you need to see it a week ahead. I also procrastinate but I always hit my deadlines. My first garment that I made was a black tie gown. I got major kudos for it from my professor and finished with enough time to help my classmates. I was a TA for that class the next semester. Try to steer clear of difficult fabrics like silk (it slips a lot) and go for fabric that's a bit stiffer (silk Mikado or a satin-finished structured fabric). Living ok at patterns with her as well. Stay away from anything that has to be cut on the "bias". That requires twice as much fabric and is way more difficult to make. Have her buy at least 4-5 yards of fabric.

I agree with several of the other comments. If she has made clothing before, especially pants, a dress is super easy. I also agree with an earlier comment, that this is really her decision. She's offering to get your opinion/advice on fabric.... leave it at that.

I've been sewing all my life (including making my wedding dress), so I can see both of your perspectives. Also, you mentioned you believe she currently only wears baggy mens t-shirts and shorts. Do you think she might not be very comfortable with her body? If so, she might find the idea of going shopping for a formal gown pretty intimidating (think of how many brides post on this forum how uncomfortable they are about going shopping for their wedding gowns...). As a pp suggested, perhaps you can respond enthusiastically about her plan for sewing and ask if she has some ideas about what she'd like to make (style, fabric, etc.). If she doesn't have a super strong vision yet, maybe you can suggest the two of you go shopping "for inspiration" and make it sound like a fun girls' day you'd really enjoy spending with her. I'd also do some homework prior to inviting her or the trip to make sure wherever you take her will likely have options in the appropriate size/styles. Last thing you want is to take her shopping and have her get discouraged because nothing fits her.... Hopefully, she'll find something she loves and will reconsider the sewing project. If cost is an issue (she might think she'll save significant $$ sewing vs. buying ready made), take that into account when you're looking for shopping options. David's tends to be kind of expensive and doesn't typically offer many discounts. However, I found a dress sold at DB also at Macy's -- on clearance -- and paid $20 (when the exact dress would have been $180 at DB). So, if you know cost might be a deterrent for her, look at retailers that aren't strictly "wedding/MOB" dresses. Another option might be Azazie -- it's online, but offers at home try-ons for $10.

Finally, FWIW my older sister made one of her MOG dresses. She put a lot of thought into the fabric, color, a flattering style, etc., and it really came out lovely and appropriate for a formal wedding. So, don't panic.

Good luck!

Just let her do her own thing. She seems flexible if you don’t like it and she should be able to express herself. I tend to think only bridesmaids and groomsmen should be coordinated if the bride or groom wants that. But maybe trust and respect her as your elder And soon to be mother in law.

My opinion - this is not something you can control. You can politely nudge her to take the store bought route if she’s indicating it is hard, stressful or not turning out how she envisioned.


Your MIL’s dress and overall fashion sense are just one of those things you’re marrying into. You’ll potentially get to look back at pictures have a laugh.

View Quoted Comment Why is this your concern? So worst case she ends up wearing an old cocktail dress laying around and it doesn’t match everyone else’s full length gowns in a couple family photos. Your whole day isn’t ruined. It really isn’t that big of a deal.

Does your FMIL make clothes or sew regularly? That's a huge factor.

My MIL loves to sew and suggested she would make her own dress if she couldn't find one. I wasn't a huge fan of the idea but she's made a few dresses for my SIL (albeit more casual ones) and honestly they look fine. Our officiant's mom made her dress for her wedding and while it's not a traditional wedding dress and doesn't look like a designer dress, it also doesn't look like it was homemade. There are tons of videos on YouTube of people making dresses or refashioning thrift shop finds into beautiful and trendy clothing. For someone practiced in making clothes, sewing a dress might be a fine option, but if it's not something she's done before (which seems unlikely if she tends to wear more androgynous clothing) then I'd have the same reservations as you.

What if you offer this: Say "I'd really like to look at Mother of the Groom dresses with you. How about we look at some dresses (ready made/made to order) and we can also look at fabrics too. We won't buy anything or make a decision right away (unless we are both super in love with one option), but just shop around. That way I have a better idea of what you like, and you have a better idea of what I like. Then we can think about it and come up with an option we both feel comfortable with." That way no one is on the spot, but you have opportunities to have a conversation about what the dress should be. Maybe you'll get lucky and find an off-the-rack dress together that you both love for her.