Mother of the Groom Tasks?

Is there anything you're willing to put her in charge of? If yes, have a conversation with her about that. If not, have your FH let her know that there isn't anything she needs to be doing.

If you don't need her help with anything, you could say, "[Fiance] and I have the planning covered at the moment, but if we need your help with something later on, we will let you know." Or, is there an aspect of the wedding that you don't really mind if she takes the lead on? Things like, organizing the rehearsal dinner, putting together hotel welcome bags, calling hotels to find out rates for a room block, creating centerpieces, etc. You could always ask her to help with one of those tasks. That way, she feels included, and it's one less thing on your to-do list.

If you’d rather plan everything and make sure you have control over the details, I think it’s ok for your FH to politely tell her “thank you so much for your your offer to help. I think Kelly and I have everything covered right now, but if anything comes up that we’d like your help with, we will let you know.”

I'd just tell her that you haven't really gotten into planning yet but you'll let her know if you need her help or input with anything. If she really wants something to do, you could ask her to put together a list of the people on her side to add to the guest list and start gathering addresses, or to start looking at dresses for the big day.

She possibly figures there are tasks she is not aware of it. But, the mother of the groom often has very little involvement in the wedding day events. Maybe there is some source for her to see that there are few obligations on her part -- if that is her concern. If there are tasks you feel confident to assign in the planning stages, then share those. If there is nothing yet, follow the recommendations given earlier.

Since she is asking your fiancé (I am assuming that's her son), then I would just have him thank her for asking and assure her that you both have everything under control. Repeat as needed throughout the wedding planning period. Just because she is asking doesn't mean you need to delegate anything to her.

I would only involve her in things you actually want her input on. For example, my mother-in-law insisted on my two nieces, who were our flower girls, dresses and I wish I would've put my foot down and said no. It caused many fights with my husband and a lot of stress. The girls lived 8+ hours away and when they got them in the mail after my mother-in-law finished making them they didn't fit and didn't sit right because they were supposed to be poofy, but my mother-in-law didn't add enough tulle because she thought the pattern called for too much tulle. However, my mother-in-law also made our favors which were cakepops and they were amazing. Needless to say, if you have tasks you actually want her to do then I see no problem with assessing whose specific tasks to her. But definitely speak up with she tries to insist on doing something you don't want her to do.

It sounds like the question was asked genuinely. I think saying "google" is a little brisk. Your FI could say as the others have suggested above. If she'd really like to be involved, I would ask her to handle something that's not life and death to you. She will need to "host" her side of the family and friends that will be there and I'm sure her help with that would be appreciated.

It would be helpful to know whether the FMIL was just understanding her responsibilities. We might guess that she has imagined she has necessary contributions she would have to be ready for. If she is not trying to be controlling, the response is better to be softer or mentioning you guys are still early in the planning.

If she is meddling, others have given the useful response.

View Quoted Comment Thank you everyone!!!

I have said multiple times to my FH “maybe she should Google it” whenever my FMIL asks about her role as Mother of the Groom. I found many Google searches said “show up, shut up, wear beige”. I haven’t told him or her that though haha

I had to say “we have a lot to get through and when we need you we will reach out. At the moment we’re enjoying going through the details together”. I’d love to say it worked but it didn’t haha. But using this over and over, she can’t argue that we’re working this through as a couple.

What I did was ask her opinion on things rather than designate tasks for her. For example, i let her come with my husband and I when we toured wedding venues (because that’s a fun experience) and I listened to her opinions but ultimately my husband and I made the final decision. Same with catering tastings. I let her come along and be involved, but my husband and I still made the final call.