Mother of the Bride

Honestly, I would quit talking to her about the wedding. Do what you want to do and if she asks you about something tell her my fiance and I have already handled that. If she buys things you don't want, you aren't under any obligation to use them. It's not your fault if she spends money on things you don't want.

Im Sorry, I Wish She Would Be More Understanding. I Would Do As PP Said, Don't Bring Up Anything About The Wedding. Honestly If I Was In Your Shoes I Would Cut Her From The Planning All Together, It Seems To Be Added Stress To An Already Stressful Experience.

You're in a difficult situation, it's your mom, you love your mom, but - she's controlling. I'd take her out to lunch or do something with just her, sit her down and tell her that this is the last time you will bring this up that it's yours and your FH's wedding and while you value her and her opinion, at the end of the day it's your wedding and the two of you would like to discuss first what you want and how you want it.

Let her know when it's time, you will definitely reach out to her to seek her advice, but right now for the next few months you want to enjoy your engagement without worrying about all the details.

Now, I will ask you this - is there a specific reason why she is being so controlling about your wedding? Did her mother do that? Did she not have the wedding of her dreams and is now trying to make up for it with yours? Keep these things in mind when you're talking to her, maybe there is a specific reason why she's being so controlling (I'm by no means saying it's right, but maybe, just maybe she's trying to make up for something in her past).

Thinking of you and hope things get better.

Unless she is paying for your wedding, she can't be making these decisions (especially purchases!) I'll repeat what others have said, I recommend you stop talking to her about the wedding. Once you have a better idea of your budget and specific vision, maybe assign things to her that are very straight forward so that she feels involved - researching bakeries, finding white table cloths, very specific items. At the end of the day, it's your wedding and it is about you not her.

Stand your ground! That is crazy. This is not her wedding. The marriage is not about your mother. I would be so mad lol. Well I am for you! My mom has been slightly pushy about a couple things, but after I say it’s not happening, she drops it. I honestly would just not allow her to participate in the wedding decisions. You can still involve her and stuff just send her pics and texts of the final decision. “I decided on these flowers, and they are paid for, Unable to change” This is you and your mans day. It should be what you want. Don’t compromise.

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Thank you for the reminder to take a look from her perspective. To my knowledge, she paid for her own wedding. She's been proud of that and expected that of me until I actually got engaged. then it flipped a switch and she's now trying to pay for everything. I think it's more a sense of obligation and pride for her. My relationship has always been very tense with my mom, the different love language thing is a huge deal, but typically we've always been able to come to some sort of compromise for any of our disagreements. I truly think that in her mind if she helps me pay and plan my wedding, she will have fixed a lot of our issues with each other and she'll be "better" in her mind than her mom was. My grandmother was getting remarried and rebuilding her life from a divorce the year that my mom got married, so she didn't have the mother-daughter experience. Thanks to you, I'm starting to wonder if she's holding resentment from not being able to do the wedding experience with her mom, that she's trying to make sure she gets it with me? I'm not sure... Sorry to reply with such a long comment, just trying to think it out and maybe give more insight to what I know of the situation. I don't want to cut her out of the wedding planning, but i do need her to take a step back and i just have know idea how to do that.

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Thank you for your empathy and encouragement!

This is also very besides the point, but your profile picture has me rolling! I love it!

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Hahaha thanks! He’s a character 😻😻

Good luck with the planning 😁😁😁

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Mary-Jo from your response I get the impression that she is indeed trying to make up for the missed mother-daughter experience with her own mom and maybe regret for not having THAT relationship with you. Remind her in her love language that you love her no matter what and her helping pay for the wedding isn't going to change that love, but you need her to respect that it's your wedding and you promise you'll include her when she needs to be included. Find something that will be special to the two of you and could help rebuild the gap.

Stand your ground or you’ll be having HER wedding, not YOURS. Have a “Come to Jesus” talk with her and any time she acts up, cut her off of communication.

Don't tell her a thing about the wedding. She has crossed boundaries, and until she learns to respect them, she doesn't get to be involved at all. This is not about her, it's about you and your FH.

If you don't draw this line now, she will attempt to interfere in every other major event in your life, from house buying to raising any children you may have.

I'm sorry, I understand toxic mothers.