Mother of the Bride

I don’t really understand what you mean by back up mom though? Like I guess I’m wondering what you need the mother of the bride role to really DO at your wedding?

View Quoted Comment I am confused too. Is your concern whether or not to invite her? You can have other women support you but do you mean to walk in the procession. I wouldn't have a back up anyone rather someone you want to support you genuinely.

Hi! Sorry to hear about your mom and she not wanting to be really involved in your wedding and etc. I would just invite her and have zero expectations. Sometimes when we give ourselves zero expectations of that person we can't end up getting upset. So if she comes good if not oh well. You'll still have a beautiful wedding.


Hang in there 💙

I agree with the above. I wouldn’t have any expectations for her involvement. It seems like you have other people that will be there to help support you on your big day. I’m so sorry she isn’t being supportive or involved. Keep your head up!

I would invite her and just remain skeptically optimistic... maybe she'll pull it together for you, but don't set high expectations internally as she may disappoint. Sorry you're going through this!

Thank you very much for all your input. It’s just really hard because I want a mother/daughter relationship and support me for the big day. I’m just praying. 💜

View Quoted Comment If someone who has stepped in before, a relative, foster mom, or just someone taking that role, ask her. She already knows your background. And likely would like to be there for you, as moral support. Just call or pay a visit, and ask.

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Thank you!

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I really hope she shows up as much as I really want her there.

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I really want a formal wedding with parents on both sides.

View Quoted Comment After I got out of the service, and started grad school, I took in a runner, child of a military family that had been on base. She just got rides and went east, Seattle to Boston I -90. And I saw her on the street. She was caught in one of those custody battles where no one if three sets was a fit parent, gambling here, Al ohol there, all irresponsible, somewhat abusive. She only stayed with me 9 months, long enough to become an emancipated minor, get a live in school job that included educational funds. I was 25 and school or work took 80 hours a week. And we only kept in touch loosely. But five years down the line, she called, was marrying a great guy I had heard about in a few letters. Looking for a stand-in mom. And I wouldn't say I loved her, or was like family. But in the couple of months before the wedding, and on wedding day, I found I was so proud of the person she had become. And the life she was building herself, and her truly wonderful guy. And it must have showed, because people from her distant family, and 1 parent and step parent were there. They did not quite know where I fit. But treated me as though I belonged at K's side. And I remember it as a warm and wonderful day. And it showed in pictures. We were beaming at each other. We live a distance apart, so she and her husband visit now each summer. I was so happy to see her come out of a real emotional mess, and make strong new relationships, and display the wonderful, funny, bright young woman who had emerged from a withdrawn, prickly, poorly socialized young teen. If you have people who have taken time with you before, they might enjoy it as much as you want it.