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Courtney
Savvy September 2021

Mother of the Bride

Courtney, on March 1, 2020 at 12:47 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11
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This is a pretty sensitive subject, but I've been debating on asking in the first place. So, I've been with my fiance for going on 8 years in August (got engaged in December 2018), and my mother has never really liked him (she likes my ex husband better). When I was proposed to, she never said anything or even congratulated which I wasn't surprised in the slightest. Since I was in my young teen years, my whole family feels she has serious bipolar disorder. So fast forward to today, she still won't be a part of any planning much less ask how things are going which is still not abnormal for me. My only problem is that she clearly stated that she will not attend the wedding in any way. I spoke with my aunt and she said that she will attend, So, my question is should I wait and hope she will attend or have a back up mom (I have a few moms that have taken care of me due to everyone thinking she does have a mental illness?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on March 7, 2020 at 3:45 PM
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I don’t really understand what you mean by back up mom though? Like I guess I’m wondering what you need the mother of the bride role to really DO at your wedding?
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  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I am confused too. Is your concern whether or not to invite her? You can have other women support you but do you mean to walk in the procession. I wouldn't have a back up anyone rather someone you want to support you genuinely.
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  • Amber
    Savvy September 2020
    Amber ·
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    Hi! Sorry to hear about your mom and she not wanting to be really involved in your wedding and etc. I would just invite her and have zero expectations. Sometimes when we give ourselves zero expectations of that person we can't end up getting upset. So if she comes good if not oh well. You'll still have a beautiful wedding.


    Hang in there 💙
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  • Ally
    Dedicated June 2021
    Ally ·
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    I agree with the above. I wouldn’t have any expectations for her involvement. It seems like you have other people that will be there to help support you on your big day. I’m so sorry she isn’t being supportive or involved. Keep your head up!
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  • Agarb
    Savvy November 2020
    Agarb ·
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    I would invite her and just remain skeptically optimistic... maybe she'll pull it together for you, but don't set high expectations internally as she may disappoint. Sorry you're going through this!

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  • Courtney
    Savvy September 2021
    Courtney ·
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    Thank you very much for all your input. It’s just really hard because I want a mother/daughter relationship and support me for the big day. I’m just praying. 💜
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith Online ·
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    If someone who has stepped in before, a relative, foster mom, or just someone taking that role, ask her. She already knows your background. And likely would like to be there for you, as moral support. Just call or pay a visit, and ask.
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  • Courtney
    Savvy September 2021
    Courtney ·
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    Thank you!

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  • Courtney
    Savvy September 2021
    Courtney ·
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    I really hope she shows up as much as I really want her there.

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  • Courtney
    Savvy September 2021
    Courtney ·
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    I really want a formal wedding with parents on both sides.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith Online ·
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    After I got out of the service, and started grad school, I took in a runner, child of a military family that had been on base. She just got rides and went east, Seattle to Boston I -90. And I saw her on the street. She was caught in one of those custody battles where no one if three sets was a fit parent, gambling here, Al ohol there, all irresponsible, somewhat abusive. She only stayed with me 9 months, long enough to become an emancipated minor, get a live in school job that included educational funds. I was 25 and school or work took 80 hours a week. And we only kept in touch loosely. But five years down the line, she called, was marrying a great guy I had heard about in a few letters. Looking for a stand-in mom. And I wouldn't say I loved her, or was like family. But in the couple of months before the wedding, and on wedding day, I found I was so proud of the person she had become. And the life she was building herself, and her truly wonderful guy. And it must have showed, because people from her distant family, and 1 parent and step parent were there. They did not quite know where I fit. But treated me as though I belonged at K's side. And I remember it as a warm and wonderful day. And it showed in pictures. We were beaming at each other. We live a distance apart, so she and her husband visit now each summer. I was so happy to see her come out of a real emotional mess, and make strong new relationships, and display the wonderful, funny, bright young woman who had emerged from a withdrawn, prickly, poorly socialized young teen. If you have people who have taken time with you before, they might enjoy it as much as you want it.
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