Hannah
Savvy October 2022

Mother of the bride-zilla advice

Hannah, on December 2, 2021 at 11:40 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8
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My mother has been very amendment that she wants her friends at my wedding because they have been apart of my life since I was a baby. Some of these people however i haven't seen in years. I don't want them there and i'm completely over it... honestly we have come to the point already where I going to tell her no and reimburse her for any of her purchases so that she has no say in who attends. Im ready to elope yall, honestly

She only brings it up when we are together and I live out of town so we are usually only in town for large family gatherings. Like birthdays, thanksgiving etc. So this thanksgiving in front of 20 other people my mother decided to bring up that besides the 6 friends that she has invited that she would like to invite 4 others. That she in no way imagine my wedding without her closest friends present... Of course my grandmother is sitting right across from us and took my mothers side and said that was a great idea, there answer for everything is that they will just pay for them to be there. Which if you estimate food, drinks, and dessert that's about 20 per person adding about 200-300 to our wedding for everything. My 70 person small wedding has multiplied and we are now almost at 100 people. At thanksgiving I completely ignored the conversation because I was not talking about that in front of 20 family members. I have told her no many times and it is obviously not clicking my father and I don't get along very well because when i have an issue he wont discuss and says I need to talk to her directly but honestly i just need someone other than me and my FH to tell her no..... Advice please honestly just want it over, this no longer feels like my weddingSmiley sad

8 Comments

Latest activity by Benny, on December 3, 2021 at 4:56 AM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    “Mom, your friends will not be invited and I won’t be having this conversation again.” If she brings it up again, let her know that you’re ending the conversation and hang up/leave. Your mom is clearly lacking boundaries.
    • Reply
  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2022
    Cece ·
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    Yes to all of this. Be firm and do not engage/indulge her in any way on this topic. If she cannot respect your wishes, then I think you have the right idea by returning any funds she may have contributed to the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Heather
    Rockstar November 2021
    Heather ·
    • Flag

    I totally get it!! Wedding planning really is no joke. I considered eloping SO many times lol. But just because she's your moms friends doesn't mean you are obligated to invite them. To me it sounds like she's making it about her.. :/

    When my husband and I first started planning we agreed to fund our wedding ourselves because we knew that once someone starts to pay then they got a say. My parents really really wanted to pay for something because that's just the kind of people they are to help where they can. So, I agreed for them to help pay for the girls hair and makeup. And guess what? My parents definitely had a say in something lol. While it was not what I wanted we came up with a compromise.

    So, just know that this is YOUR wedding. Anytime she brings it up just be firm and use the same words every time. "Mom, please respect my decisions as I will not make anymore changes/modifications for my wedding. This discussion is over." If she keeps trying to bring it up just walk away or keep saying, "Nope. This discussion is over." I really hope she understands so that way you can just enjoy this planning process!! Smiley heart

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I agree with all of this!
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  • Hannah
    Savvy October 2022
    Hannah ·
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    She also wants me to move my fall wedding back til 5pm so that my sister can run her xc race and get there in time in case it rains which was a whole other thing it’s never ending and she always knows to do it infront of others so she gets her way.
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  • Heather
    Rockstar November 2021
    Heather ·
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    What?? Oh, no if that is going to change EVERYTHING and cause a hassle to YOU, then I would just keep it how it is. If that is what you truly want of course.

    And I think it's just because of how I am, but any time there is an inconvenience in MY plans or MY event I always tell said person to figure it out LOL! In this case your mom needs to figure it out herself, but to also stop making it about her. So, just make sure to stand your ground. And as frustrating as this is, it seems as if she will not stop as it seems like she does what she can to get her way (as what you had stated). But as her daughter she should be thinking in terms of your happiness Smiley sad So, do what you can to keep protecting your peace and your happiness. Again this is YOUR day!
    good luck hun!

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  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    If she's paying anything pay her back for it. Have the wedding your can afford on your own and with who and at what time you please. That's probably the only good answer here.

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  • Benny
    Savvy March 2022
    Benny ·
    • Flag
    Do what YOU and and what makes you and your fiancé happy. The wedding is about YOU two, not your mom, family members, or friends. It’s difficult with people don’t respect your decisions and choices BUT remember you can’t make everyone happy no matter what you do SO might as well be happy and satisfied with what you have planned and go with that. No matter what you do someone will have something to say so do exactly what you want and stand by it! ❤️
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