Mother of the bride vs mother of the Groom

A mixture of everyone!

Why doesn't she want you to include her? I included both my mom and fmil in a lot of stuff and they love it. They aren't pushing us to choose anything we don't want. They're just there for support.

If Mom is paying.... mmmm you have a tough situation.... if not then STOP telling her when and where your appointments are and with whom....

I honestly dont know why FMIL cant go and do things with you all....

You need to push the fact that FMIL is going to be your family also and she needs to have respect for the woman that birthed and raised your FS. She also shouldn't have the power to say when you can and can't discuss your wedding. Set some boundaries with this woman. You have to stand up to her.

It was traditionally the brides family that paid for the wedding (not so true any more). If they are both contributing, I think both could be invited and you will just have to put your foot down with your mom. You can also keep just certain things to her only, like dress shopping.

Do not accept monetary contributions from your mother. If she is this overbearing, that money will likely come with strings attached and she may use it to coerce you into doing what she wants. Set firm boundaries and do not allow her to emotionally manipulate you. "Mom, I have invited FH's mom to attend XX with us. I would like you to attend as well." *end of discussion*

My mom is a very controlling person and thinks she rules everything. Been dealing with this for years. She thinks because I'm the daughter she should be the one in charge not the grooms mom I've tried to explain to her my wedding I make the final decisions and that just hasent gone over with her. She doesn't necessarily care for my future in laws but that shouldn't matter she should suck it up and put a smile on and do it for me.

Refuse the money from her. I bet a lot of these problems will go away and it'll be much easier to stand up to her since she won't have anything to hang over your head.

Dress shopping is a whole other ball park ladies. That was an argument to!

Why are you dress shopping now for a wedding that's 18 months away?

Take a deep breath. if your mother isn't paying for anything, she doesn't get a say in anything.

I'm not dress shopping by any means. But it was talked about and my mother wants only herself to be there, where I would want my bridal party and FMIL

"I've tried to explain to her my wedding I make the final decisions and that just hasent gone over with her." Another huge indicator that you should not depend on her money.

I agree with PPs that you should not take any money from your mom for the wedding, especially if she's like this already.

You say that she has said YOU should be in charge of the wedding planning, and not your FILs. I would throw that back at her. You ARE in charge of the planning, and YOU have decided you want FMIL involved. You should also note to her that since YOU are in charge of the planning, her thoughts will be taken into consideration, but since she's so keen on you being in charge, YOU will make the final decision.

Time to put on your big girl panties and stand up to your mom. If you're mature enough to get married, you should have the ability to set boundaries with your family members. Now that you're getting married, your FH is your immediately family, and parents and siblings are in the second circle.

In the mean time, stop inviting mom to planning events. For example, instead of asking her advise on what flowers you should have, just pick your top 3 and share with her. Since you and FH want FMIL involved, make sure you tell you mother what FMIL is participating with and if/when your mom doesn't agree, tell mom that you're sorry she feels that way but it's not changing your decision.

Thanks ladies for the advice! I plan to have a positive experience moving forward!

Now is a great time to start building some boundaries with your mom. You are an adult and its time to cut the cord a bit. "No" is a complete sentence. Its YOUR wedding. I agree with others that you should not count on any of her money, because she will probably end up throwing a tantrum and withholding money if you don't give in to her way.

I 100% agree with this! My FH and I had 2 appointments this weekend to visit venues. After a blow up argument at dinner on Friday evening over something so trivial ( who writes out the invites and receives RSVPs) she's given me the cold shoulder and isnt speaking. And now today isn't going to the venues because she didn't like that I feel like it's me and my FH job to write out and recieve responses. It's all become a nightmare, but either she will grow up and act 57 or won't be involved in any part of the planning. My FH and I can afford a good bit. So not worried on the monetary end. And they say this is fun! Lol.

Wendy, your mother is out of line -- totally out of line (and what's up with not talking about your wedding until your brother left? That's absolutely NONE of her business. You've got a lot of work to do). If you do not stand up to her now, you will be fuming in the months ahead. Seriously, you will find this experience to be horrible, and you'll be upset with yourself for not stopping it at the beginning -- which is now.

I know it's very hard to tell a parent that you don't want their financial contribution, but in this case I would tell her that you appreciate her generosity, but not her blatant interference. Let her know that her money does not buy her position and rank. If she ignores you and continues with her bullying, do not take her money. And, let her know that you have no intention of excluding your FMIL from whatever wedding events you want her to attend. Like your brother, your FMIL is a person -- not an idea that she can veto. You have personal relationships with these people, and it is up to you to talk to them and interact with them exactly as you please.

Sure, they'll be fallout from that, but once she realizes that you are totally serious, she'll adjust -- and if she doesn't, she's spoiling a beautiful event for herself.

Nod and smile and then make the plans with who you want and then it's harder for her to argue if people are already invited! And if it's something she's not invited to (like a tasting or whatever) maybe don't mention it ahead of time!