Throughout the planning process so far, my mother has been very negative and hasn't really shown any interest in wedding planning/activities. I made plans a few months ago to come home during the week before and the week of Thanksgiving to make flower bouquets, do invitations, and dress shopping. My mother told me a few months ago while discussing flowers that I could just do them with my fiancé's mom and basically seemed very uninterested. It broke my heart. I still planned on staying with my mom and going dress shopping. About 3 weeks ago my mom told me my SIL needed a babysitter but also had the time off to watch her own kids. I asked my mom to please ask if she would take time off because we have had plans. Last week I called my mom and she said that she's watching the 2 grandkids (4 & 2) and they might need to come with us. I waited until this week to very calmly say that her decision did upset me. My mother freaked out and said "You're making me feel like a crappy mother for wanting to see my grandkids", "What just you and her (FMIL) get to do flowers?!", "Just tell me, tell me how livid mad you are at me", "I thought it would be nice to have the girls since you don't see them, not that it was going to be this big problem". She yelled and cursed at me the whole time I talked to her in a calm voice. This isn't new "news" to her, since she's known I made plans with my FMIL (which was after she blew me off) and expressed my reservations to her before she agreed to watch them.
Any advice to navigate this situation? AITA?
