Mother of the Bride problems

Details: I am 25, saving to buy my first house after the wedding. paying for all wedding events and such by my self.

I don’t think it’s too much, but I’m a little confused. Are you throwing the showers or are other people? If other people offered and you just are having two showers that’s fine. If you’re throwing them, I would be put off by being invited to a shower by a bride as that would basically be you summoning guests for gifts(the purpose of a shower is gifting the bride). I’ve also never attended a shower that didn’t include a meal though.

If I were in someone’s wedding party, I’d wonder why I wasn’t invited to the wedding (by definition the wedding is when the marriage ceremony takes place and you’re eloping) and so idk if I’d go out of my way to spend that much on a shower gift, attending the bachelorette and all reception expenses to not even see my friend/family member get married.

The showers are desserts and drinks. Originally my MOH was planning the showers. she planned most of it. then found out she was pregnant and ceased assisting. now its mostly me planning and paying for it with her input and insistence.

We are exchanging our own vows with the wedding party present, just not signing with everyone or having a ceremony. the bachelorette thing is a weekend at the beach which they choose..

Basically my bridal party planned everything and insisted on it, then flaked on it. now i have a MOH which just wants to attend, not assist, a BM who does all the MOH duties but i cant call the MOH. and 2 BM who really want me to have the wedding shower and bachelorete shower but are not planning hosting or contributing.

It is not too much, my friends live all over and I invited them to all of those things which are 8+ hours for some of them to get them. Sounds like you made it clear also that no one is obligated to come to anything. People that want to be there will be there. Narcississts will find a way to complain about anything you do no matter what. If you did the opposite she would still complain. Try to ignore her and enjoy your day. Best wishes!

View Quoted Comment It's not too much! My mom is the same way. She's expecting me to have a 5k wedding, but I've been saving and I can afford a 10k wedding, but she makes me stressed because she feels like I'm not being responsible. But, I'm paying for everything myself. She just gives me a hard time when I dont do things her way.

Honestly if all of those fit in your budget, the timeline sounds good. Just try not to let the hurtful things she says get to you. I understand that may be kinda hard since she is your mom, but this is YOUR wedding.

Wishing you all the best!

Dont stress! This is your big day! I dont think that its too much. Just do what makes you happy and that should make the ones that love you happy as well.

Why is this too much? I'm confused.

This isn't too much, and are all normal wedding related things. I think your mom is just being who she is (the way you described her). So it's important to remember that and take anything she says with a grain of salt. My mom is close to being the same way. She is supportive, but always has some sort of negative opinion and cynical outlook. I get to hear "are you sure you don't want to just save the money and elope?" constantly, and I just have to say "ya...I'm sure!" then walk away. At least with my mom, I know she truly does mean well, but the things she says sometimes are just like gahhhhhh...staaahhhpppp why are you like this. In my situation, I just remind myself that she is my mom, my only mom, and I just have to accept her for who she is and understand that she was raised differently in a different era with different circumstances, so part of her "charm" isn't really even her fault.

No, this is not too much at all. Generally speaking, these are all "normal" customs/traditions for a couple getting married. Wedding shower, bachelorette party, reception. It sounds like your mom is just looking for things to complain about. If she is as manipulative and narcissistic as you say, she's probably peeved that you are paying for this yourself, which gives her no say in your decisions. It's ok, just blow it off. There's no changing her now. So, do your best to rise above the complaints, and reassure her that you are planning the wedding you want. I think it's wonderful that you have one BM who is stepping up on MOH duties. And I don't see anything wrong with you taking a part in the planning of these events, especially since others flaked. Just because they decided to opt out, doesn't mean you should have to give up the things/events that you want.

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She hasn't offered, and i wouldn't ask, for her to pay for anything. she still takes credit for my degree, even though i put myself through college. she acts like she gave me money all the time... i did ask if she wanted to host one of the showers and my bridesmaids would just help her, and she refused.. they are still "hosting" the events, but since i make more money i am paying for everything.. i dont expect people to break the bank just because i can afford something.. i told the bridesmaids the color, length and type of fabric and am letting them choose their own dresses...

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I dont know, i didnt think it was but after talking with her im worried. i thought having 2 showers was the problem maybe.. but i clearly state its for people convenience and they dont have to attend either of them, but are welcome to attend which ever one works best for them. i dont know.. its my mom i just want to make her happy but i dont want to give things up...