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J
Just Said Yes May 2018

Mother of the bride issues

Jessica, on January 26, 2018 at 11:36 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6
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Okay, so I am going to try and explain this without going into great detail. My mother and I do not have a relationship. She treats me as if I am a distant relative. Physically and emotionally. I don't even live that far from her. I fought for years to have a mother daughter relationship but she keeps pushing me away. So I barely have contact with her.

My FH and I have been engaged since Christmas of 2016. Our wedding is this May, and she hasn't helped in the least bit. She came to the bridesmaid dress shopping and I could tell she did not want to be there. In my honest opinion, I don't feel she deserves the title as mother of the bride because she hasn't been that most of my life. Yes, I will invite her but she will only be a guest. I haven't spoken to her about this because I know she will make herself the victim and me the bad guy. She wants nothing to do with me but gets mad when I don't involve her. And when I try to involve her, she tells me she doesn't have time.

Should I tell her? Or just let her show up and do some pictures and just keep quiet about it?

6 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on February 9, 2018 at 8:02 PM
  • Jo
    WeddingWire Administrator May 2015
    Jo ·
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    Hey Jessica, I'm really sorry to hear that, sounds like you're in an uncomfortable position.

    What are you considering telling her? Is it something about the wedding, or do you mean telling her how you feel? If it is the first option I would not - there isn't much that a mother of the bride has to do on the wedding day, mothers aren't traditionally part of the procession (usually they are sat just before the procession) and don't need to make a toast or do a featured dance, so if you don't want to involve her in any special way that's pretty standard practice and won't need any formal explanation. Just let her come and be in a few family pictures and otherwise enjoy the day among the guests.

    If you meant the second, that you want to tell her about how you feel about your relationship, that's totally up to you and how strongly you feel about it. Do you think it might help? Could saying how you each feel give you the opportunity to work on your relationship?

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  • B
    Just Said Yes July 2018
    Brittaney ·
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    I’m dealing with a very similar situation. My mom and step dad spilt right before they were supposed to get married and my mother told me to choose him or her... wow. I opted out and didn’t speak to either. I’ve been trying to have a relationship with her. I try to include her but she refuses to do anything. Or says she has a lot going on. I finally snapped at her last night and expressed how I felt and told her if she wants to be involved she must make the effort. I am not asking anymore of her because every time I do she lets me down! Hope things get better for you!!
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  • J
    Just Said Yes May 2018
    Jessica ·
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    I'm not going to say anything to her about it. The first option is the best. Just let her be involved with photos and whatever else at the wedding. I know it will be alot of rudeness on her end if I say something to her.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes May 2018
    Jessica ·
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    Thank you! My mother is the exact same way. I have been let down so many times. I am sick of the heartbreaks. She doesn't "have the time or money" to be involved with anything. I haven't heard from her since the beginning of December. I told my future mother in law and maid of honor to go ahead with their plans for the bridal shower. My mother hasnt expressed any interest in anything so far. So, that's her loss.
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  • Jo
    WeddingWire Administrator May 2015
    Jo ·
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    I'm really sorry again, I hope everything works out.

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  • J
    Just Said Yes May 2018
    Jessica ·
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    It will Smiley smile thank you!
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