Mother of Bride Troubles

One thing to keep in mind is that no-one will be as excited for your wedding as you and your FI. With your wedding a year away still, she might be thinking that there isn't much to do right now for her. Maybe try to relax your expectations of her a bit, it might help you to feel less frustrated and unsupported.

RE: her clothes, unfortunately you don't get to tell guests what to wear, other than the wedding party. What's wrong wth her dress choice? You have a year to figure this out luckily.

I hope things improve for you!

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I understand that no one will be as excited as my groom and I but when I am specifically trying to involve her in wedding planning and she isn't interested. Am I supposed to not notice or care?

1 year for a 200 person wedding isn't that much time when you already have a full schedule.

Re her dress: She is in the wedding party, she is now walking me down the aisle. Please do not forget, I did not want this. She forced her way there. The dresses that she's looking at are for a much more relaxed wedding. Ours is formal black tie.

I suppose you are right on relaxing my expectations on her however her lack of caring is still hurtful.

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I understand the hurt, and I'm trying to help you process it. The only thing that's in your control is your own reaction to her behaviour. That's what I'm pointing out.

Usually the wedding couple doesn't tell the parents what to wear, only the BM/GM. At the end of the day, you'll have a great wedding no matter what your mom wears, and I'm just wondering if that's the hill you want to die on here. If she's underdressed, will it really affect the quality or enjoyment of your day?

It would have been OK for you to say no to having her walk you down the aisle, and maybe boundaries would be a good thing to work on when it comes to her. Unless she's paying for it, she doesn't have the ability to "force" anything. However, I think you can now just make the best of it.

Sorry your mom is not reacting the way you hoped she would. Wedding planning can be so stressful and it can be frustrating when family is adding to the stress. While weddings are such a joyful occasion they can also bring up lots of emotions especially for the parents. Your mom maybe feeling a mix of emotions she just doesn't know how to process over this transition and is just not handling it well. I'd tell your mom you love her and are excited to plan this special day with her and maybe ask her if there are any specific area s she s interested in helping you plan ( flowers, seating arrangements, invites, good, cake, music etc. It can be so tough give her some extra grace and be extra kind to yourself. It could also help to plan a day with your to just hang out and not do anything wedding related. Planning a wedding can feel all consuming but sometime everyone needs to take a little break from it.


As far as the dress goes if you live close to her maybe you can plan on a fun dress shopping and lunch day together.
Wishing you the best. Happy planning 🩵

People get so weird at weddings. My mom and sister, for example, are incredibly outspoken and always share their opinions. They were so quiet whenever I asked about anything related to my wedding because they were afraid of overstepping. I think you need to have a clear conversation with your mom about what you expect from her and what your boundaries are. Don't let her change the subject, but also be prepared to hear something you don't like (like she doesn't want to help plan). Good luck!

There are any number of possibilities here from not feeling as if it’s her place to inject her opinions when she’s not paying to not being totally on board to not having much in the way of advice or interest at this phase, to fear of losing you, to mixed feelings based on her own history. To me wanting to walk you down the aisle IS showing interest and that she cares.


As MOB, she’s not in the wedding party just because she walks you down the aisle. You have no proper discretion over her dress. If she’s willing you can suggest options or a shopping trip but ultimately she’s adult who can dress herself.

Trust me, I have a difficult relationship with my mother. She can be overbearing when she wants to be and isn’t shy to tell you how she feels about something if she wants to. Don’t let your mother force you into letting her walk you down the aisle. My mother wanted to do the same as I don’t have much of a relationship with my own father but I set the boundary that walking myself was important even though she mentioned what she wanted multiple times. My wedding was not going to be the day I let myself get pushed over. I would not look back at my wedding day upset about things I didn’t want that I let happen. Because at the end of the day, you’re not setting your own boundaries and you’re the only person to blame for that.


On the dress front, most people don’t tell their parents what to wear. I didn’t. My mother picked her own dress. Truthfully it isn’t like she’s in that many pictures anyway. 90% of my photos are of me and my husband.
I know you’d like your mother to be more involved but clearly she isn’t. Use this time to plan with your soon to be spouse. The more you try to push it with your mother the more you’ll be disappointed that she isn’t involved like you’d like her to be. I understand it can be hurtful. I hope you’re able to enjoy the rest of your planning. You’ll have a great day regardless as long as you’re not focusing on what you’re not getting from your mother

I am sorry your mother is uninterested and demanding. Maybe you, your mom and the groom’s mom can go shopping for wedding attire at the appropriate stores. Maybe speak to the groom’s mom and fill her in on your concerns. I don’t know the type of relationship you have with mog, but it is a thought.

My mom is aloof and cold. It is so hurtful to me. We talk on the obligatory holidays and on rare occasions when she needs medical advice from me. Try to find support from people who can give it to you. My mom can’t fill this role for me. It is much better to seek help from people who can and want to provide it. Best wishes to you!

Amber, I am sorry to read all this, especially since your mother isn’t as interested and cooperative regarding your special day. Just know that you are not alone! As you have read in most of the comments, many people are going through similar things, and I am too. I even started therapy because I was starting to feel like nobody cared about me like I was not worth it. But I have learned that people are just like that, and you have to accept how they are and not let anything get to you for your mental health. I agreed with Taylor when she said your wedding is an occasion you shouldn’t let yourself be pushed over. It’s important to set boundaries with people because, unfortunately, Kelly said, “People get weird at weddings” Trust me, you’re not the only one dealing with hurtful family problems. I am dealing with my uninterested mother and sister. And I have to deal with my too way interested, pushy and controlling future mother in law which wants to dictate my guest list. But on top of this, I have had trouble with my fiancé because of him supporting her. Trust me isn’t easy, but I strongly think that it will be your wedding and at the end you want it to be like you’re dreaming of despite others opinions or actions because at the end you are the one who can choose and move things around how you want it.
Regarding her dress, if she hasn’t bought it yet, I will talk to her or go dress shopping for a better dress that suits more the dress code of your wedding, making sure she’s comfortable with it too.
Good luck with everything! And have a phenomenal wedding.

Some people simply have no interest in wedding planning, and couldn't care less about all the details. Planning a wedding is the responsibility of the couple and wedding planner (if you choose to hire one) only, not anyone else. You may need to manage your expectations around this.

The movies and media have really done a disservice to everyone by making brides think that everyone close to them should be super excited and willing/able to help with everything the entire time from engagement to wedding day, when that is not the way things work in real life.

View Quoted Comment Ouch, this hits close to home! Sorry your engagement period hasn’t been the most pleasant for you either
I thought this was supposed to be such a happy, family oriented time and I too find that it’s not! It’s been such a sad and stressful time! I’m sure we will feel the love on our wedding day and forget all the bs we put ourselves thru leading up to it!
Even my bachelorette was full of bs leading up to it but then it turned out to be such a magical weekend that I’ll always look back on and cherish!Good luck on your remaining planning days and I wish you a “perfect” wedding day How often do you ever hear anyone talk about how lame their wedding was? Pretty much never