Mother of bride problems

Yikes. It's very generous that she wants to pay but she's also being really manipulative with the money. If I were you I'd honestly just start making decisions and paying for things without her input.

ETA: paying for things with your own money, that is.

Hello. Sounds stressful. First thing you need to do is breath! Next you need to decide on what YOU want. After you settle on what YOU want, don't ask for moms opinion. When you see something you want, dont say I think this is nice. Be firm in your choices. That shows #1 i didn't ask for your opinion, secondly it shows that you didn't ask for an opinion. I know it's your mom, so i definitely want to tread lightly in what i say. It's just not fairn its selfish and not fair. Iys your wedding. I tell myself this every time my fiance's mom shuts down my choices. The only difference is no one has offered to pay for ours. I dont mind paying because no one can hav a say in my day. Write her a letter telling her how you feel. Let her know you want her help, but only when you need it. Let her know that you have dreamt of your big day for years and have ideas of what you want. Tell her your theme and ask her to only share ideas pertaining to that theme. Writing gives her the chance to read without being able to cut you off. I'm sure she's really excited. Just because she's paying doesn't mean its her way or no way. Lastly if your mom is married, tell her that you'll help her plan her vow renewal however she wants it, but for your wedding you want her to plan it how YOU want it. I hope this helps

Best piece of advice I received is to just kindly remind mom that this is your wedding and not hers. She (likely) had hers already. It's your chance to make YOUR day how you want it. My mom and I have completely different tastes as well, but when she suggests something that I'm not particularly fond of I just tell her I'll think about it. :-)

I'm going to have to wholeheartedly disagree with Jessica and Holly. This will all go a lot more smoothly if you stop taking her/grandpa's money.

It's not just *your* day, and your mother has probably dreamt of this day since you were a tiny baby. What Jessica is suggesting sounds harsh - "hey thanks for paying but shut your mouth until I ask for your opinion." Just - no. Pay for as much as you can/the controversial items on your own. You've got a lot of time to save money.

I agree with Sandra. You have to somewhat take her opinions into account because she is paying. I'm sure she isn't trying to be manipulative, though on text it might seem that way (I have no idea what the situation completely is so I don't want to be presumptuous).

There are easier and better ways to say, "I appreciate your view but I want it this way."

If you pay for as much as you can, then that would solve a lot of problems with opinions.

I've been having similar issues, except for your mother sounds nice. We went dress shopping last weekend and I found a dress I LOVE! My mother was so rude and sulked in the corner the entire time- told me it looked like a pageant dress (it's a Pronovias haute couture cap-sleeve crepe dress) and said it wasn't appropriate. (Every detail of my wedding so far has come under fire. My opinion on all things is wrong according to my parents. Aaand I'm almost 30.) After my parents pretended to change their flight time to an earlier one back to my hometown, they preceded to tell me I "needed to think about what God would think about me in that dress in His house" and they are "doing their due-diligence as parents by telling me I don't look good in the dress". I'm 5'6", size 2-4. How can I be myself without getting put down all the time?

Has anyone else had a similar experience? We are just in the beginning stages of planning and I don't know how to reason with my parents. I want to be happy but if it's this much of a battle this early I think it would be better to just purchase the dress without their "help" and elope. If I stand my ground they name-call and say I'm being dramatic. How do I get them to respect my opinion without damaging the relationship? How do I get them to realize it's my & my FH's day, not theirs?