Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Devoted September 2021

Mother not fond of the wedding so far...

Sylvia, on October 19, 2020 at 2:55 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hi everyone!
So I need to go on a rant for a moment here as many of you may understand how I’m feeling.

Recently engaged, we’ve got official plans down (venues and date)!However sharing the news with my mom, she is not happy one bit. One, she’s angry about us having a Friday wedding, claiming no one will show up. (We’ve thought long and hard about this before choosing. Friday will be no problem to most guests)
Two: She’s also expecting us to do an entire traditional Polish wedding as I’m polish, FH is not (he is American/Irish).We’ve both agreed that we’ll be doing what we want. We’re also paying for the entire wedding ourselves. He said we can do whatever we want as long as it’s what I want and I’m happy. Part of this is not doing the whole Polish traditions. It’s just not what I want and I don’t enjoy these kinds of weddings.My mother is not respecting this decision and is not respecting the fact that we also need to include my FH’s family as well, not just the Polish side. Also that “American” banquet halls don’t do the same things as “Polish” ones. Now, I completely understand where she is coming from. All she’s ever known and seen is how Polish weddings go. But at the same time, it’s our wedding and there’s other things to consider for FH’s side.
I’d like to say I don’t care about what she thinks, because in a way I don’t, but it’s just very frustrating and hurtful that she’s complaining so much about what we’re doing (or rather what we aren’t doing) instead of just being happy for us and celebrating this big moment in my life.
On the other hand, my in-laws are ecstatic and support all plans, through and through. So that’s to end this on a good note!
Any words of positivity or advice!!??

Flag
Hide content

11 Comments

Latest activity by Sylvia, on October 20, 2020 at 3:19 PM

Master May 2019
Cyndy · on October 19, 2020 at 3:05 PM
Flag

Hide content
It sounds like you and your FH are on the same page and that’s all that matters. If you are paying for everything then you get to do what you want. I think you should sit down with your mom and tell her how you feel. She needs to respect tour wishes but she needs to know how you feel.
- Reply
Devoted January 2022
Shelly · on October 19, 2020 at 3:10 PM
Flag

Hide content
Girl. I feel you on the traditions aspect! My mother is Filipino, so she is expecting a big Catholic wedding in a church, all of my family being part of the ceremony, yada yada. I just had to sit her down and tell her that I would compromise with her, but mine and my FHs decisions are final. We're having an outdoor ceremony with only 2 Filipino ceremony traditions included. (my FH is American, and I am half American so we've agreed on pretty much every decision during planning). We kinda have the same situation. His family is very excited and supportive of our decisions, but my Mom is very opinionated and thinks she's right about everything.
I know you had mentioned above that you didn't want to have any Polish traditions added to your wedding, but would it be possible to compromise and add one or two of them? If not, then that's totally fine too. Just trying to find a way for your mother to ease off a little bit! I know when I told mine I'd add a couple of traditions in there, she was satisfied.
It is your wedding after all, so if you really don't want to have the traditions in there and she still pitches a fit, I just wouldn't include her in anymore of the decision making or planning. It's discouraging to have a family member not react the way you'd hoped they would, especially since this is supposed to be a bonding and happy experience for you both.
I hope everything works out!!
- Reply
Devoted September 2021
Sylvia · on October 19, 2020 at 3:15 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Yeah we know exactly what we both want!
I’ve tried explaining my feelings to her. She doesn’t understand.. she’s a stubborn lady.
- Reply
Devoted September 2021
Sylvia · on October 19, 2020 at 3:16 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Thanks!
I am having 2 traditional things (Polish DJ and a day after the wedding dinner). But that’s about it.
So there is some parts she’ll enjoy! Everything else is just us and what we want!
- Reply
Devoted January 2022
Shelly · on October 19, 2020 at 3:19 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Sounds like you both have it figured out then, and hopefully those added parts can keep her satisfied! Happy planning!
- Reply
Rockstar July 2019
Veronica · on October 19, 2020 at 4:09 PM
Flag

Hide content
I'm sorry you are going through this. Everyone is always going to have an opinion about your wedding. My advice if she can't be support then to share as minimal details as possible with her. Also, are there are Polish traditions that you would want to include that way you are incorporating both families traditions?
- Reply
Savvy October 2021
Haleigh · on October 19, 2020 at 5:48 PM
Flag

Hide content
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it sounds like you have awesome future in-laws and a supportive fiancé (that helps a lot)! This literally sounds like my life right now. My mom was adamant on us not doing a Sunday wedding (we still are) and threw a fit when we said we had a guest limit we are sticking to and the handful of people on her guest list I haven’t talked to in 10+ years aren’t on it. My fiancé came in as backup and explained that we’re mostly paying for this ourselves and we are inviting those who are nearest and dearest to us. After she realized she wasn’t in control of everything, she’s been nothing but negative. She didn’t even acknowledge our save the date because she thought we were “rubbing her face in it.” I’ve just stopped telling her anything about the planning (especially the guest list). Thankfully I also have amazing future in laws who have been nothing but supportive and happy for us. I hope it gets easier for you! Just remember, it’s y’all’s wedding and don’t let the negativity bring you down. ❣️
- Reply
Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on October 19, 2020 at 6:30 PM
Flag

Hide content
As long as your FH agrees with what is wanted then I would just smile at your mom and say thanks for your opinion, but we are confident that our wedding will be what we want it to be.
- Reply
Super December 2021
Casey · on October 19, 2020 at 11:03 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would sit down and point blank tell her, "your vision for my wedding is not my vision. I do not want a traditional Polish wedding." If she had a wedding I would change to "you had your wedding with your vision. This is not your wedding, it is mine, and I do not want to have a traditional Polish wedding. Why aren't you happy for me to have the wedding I want? Would you be happy if I changed my entire wedding to what you want, at the expense of my own happiness and enjoyment at my wedding?"

I think being clear and concise, expressing from your POV could be eye opening for her.
- Reply
Master August 2019
Rebecca · on October 20, 2020 at 4:23 AM
Flag

Hide content
This is when you stop telling her about the wedding.
If she asks, change the subject. If she won't accept that, simply say you want to keep everything a surprise.
You're paying for it, she gets zero say, and if she continues to push, she'll get less and less contact/information until it's all done.
What helps is your FH and your FILs being on your side.
- Reply

Devoted September 2021
Sylvia · on October 20, 2020 at 3:19 PM
Flag

Hide content
Thanks everyone for the feedback!
I’ve been able to compromise with my mom and communicate to her my wants.
She of course is still very stubborn and persistent, so wishing the rest of the planning to be easy for us!
- Reply

The Best Black Friday and Cyber Monday Deals for Your Wedding — Wedding Services The Best Black Friday and Cyber Monday Deals for Your... The holiday season is the perfect time to score wedding deals. These Cyber...

Speeches & Traditions The Ultimate Guide to Greek Wedding Dances Rompi Rompi to Mavi Mavi, kick off your shoes and get ready to review classic...

Trends & Tips 7 Ways to Learn More About Wedding Vendors It can be tough to narrow down the long list of wedding vendors near you, but...

Post content has been hidden

Mother not fond of the wedding so far...

11 Comments

Related articles