Mother May I?

You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. The conversation may not go well but at least you get it off your chest. I feel that you should tell her you want her to be involved but you need to set some parameters because you feel pressured. It seems with your mom you need to watch your words but you should not feel bad while planning your special day.

I couldn't of said it any better!!

Talk to her. Ask her what she is looking for out of this process and include her where you are comfortable. Be honest. Ultimately it is your choice who joins in on what and when these things take place. There are so many posts on here about people trying to rearrange their life and feelings and whatever to avoid potentially upsetting others...but at what cost? Not being happy during what is supposed to be some of the happiest times of your life? Not having the wedding you and your fiance envision because you don't want to risk upsetting someone? Everyone is always going to find something to be upset/offended over. It's human nature. Some people don't know how to function in a drama free environment. Overall communication is key. Tell her how you feel. Will she be upset? Probably...but you can't control how other people feel. You can only control your response to it. But please don't make yourself crazy by trying to please everyone else.

Confession: My mom thinks she went to my first wedding dress appointment where I found "the one" but really I went in secret with my dad and his girlfriend, then made second appointments to invite my mom and convinced the ladies at the boutique not to spill the beans!! I did it because I knew my mom would've been very upset. And in your case it sounds like your mom knew about the appointment and declined to attend, so if she's upset, that's 100% on her. You don't need to apologize for finding your dream dress at an appointment everyone was aware of! She's upset with herself for missing this special moment, and mis-directing her anger on you.

Moving forward, it sounds like she may be dealing with her own set of issues on wanting to be involved but not knowing how. If your parents seem to be fighting you on things you want, then don't ask for their opinion - don't get me wrong, a lot of communication during planning will keep testy parents at bay - but rather, when they call to talk wedding, tell them about the new items you have already booked/decided on.

Ex: "Hey mom, yes! We just booked the most amazing baker for our cake and decided on Chocolate with mocha buttercream! FH's favorite!" instead of "Hey mom, we were thinking about a chocolate cake but I don't know if everyone likes chocolate even though we do"

One of these invites outside opinions, while the other doesn't. Sound excited (because you are, duh!) and they'll be less likely to argue.

I would also consider giving them a few small items where they can be in control, plan, etc. If you aren't super close, a great bonding time would be to go shopping for a day - pick out HER outfit for the wedding: dress, shoes, etc. and grab lunch together! Ask her how she wants her hair done, would she want a flower corsage she can pin to her dress or wear on her wrist, etc. (or if she lives far FaceTime or have her send dress pictures) Put her in charge of picking up snacks and a bottle of champagne for the morning of the wedding when everyone is getting ready together and let her follow up with people who haven't RSVP'ed to their invite on time. She'll get some responsibility, and a call every other week/every month once you've confirmed a vendor you booked or put the downpayment on the honeymoon and you are too excited not to share Good luck!