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Savvy March 2021

Mother-in-law

Emily, on September 1, 2019 at 11:07 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 12

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My mother-in-law has tried to control everything thus far!! We got engaged in December of 2018. Our wedding is November 2020! She has told us she’s going to invite all these people (when we want small and intimate), she doesn’t like our date, she thinks we need to push it back (mind you we have switched the date twice for her!!) we have our deposit down for ceremony and venue. I told her we can’t change it!! She has upset my fiancé to the point where I’ve never seen him that upset before! She is only paying for our cake and honeymoon...and she’s already trying to control our honeymoon!! She has sat us both down and screamed at us for no reason! I know she’s upset I am taking her son away (the youngest) but I can’t handle this anymore! We are moving into our new home 4 months before the wedding. I have been staying away from his home because of her! What can I do to try to work with her. I try to include her (even though she says I don’t..but I do!) I am to my breaking point. This is only some of what she has yelled at us for. She’s not paying for anything but what’s listed above. I refuse to apologize for how she yelled at us and treated us adults!! What have y’all done?

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Lara, on September 3, 2019 at 10:19 AM

VIP May 2015
KiwiDerbyBride · on September 1, 2019 at 11:16 PM
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Give her the money back, if you can. Then stop
telling her anything about the wedding. Use phrases like ‘we’ve got it under control’ ‘we’ll consider that in our decision’ ‘thanks but that won’t be necessary’ ‘our guest list is finalized and not up for debate’. If she throws a temper tantrum, get up and leave or hang up the phone. Say ‘you seem to be having some trouble controlling your emotions. We can continue this conversation when you’ve got your emotions back under control.’ Basically, don’t pander to her and just say no. It’s a complete sentence. If you establish good boundaries now, your life will be a lot easier, particularly when or if you have kids.
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Expert November 2019
Keri · on September 1, 2019 at 11:29 PM
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Agree with PP. It seems like she "gifted" money with strings attached. Cut the string. Don't accept/return the money. No pay, no say. She is using the money as means to control.
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Savvy March 2021
Emily · on September 1, 2019 at 11:30 PM
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She has not given us any money yet! She’s letting us know that she will pay for cake and honeymoon.
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Expert November 2019
Keri · on September 1, 2019 at 11:34 PM
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Your FH is upset by her behavior too. What does he want to do about the situation?
I'd still decline the money so she doesn't have "power" over you, but I understand how expensive things can be.
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Devoted October 2019
Summer · on September 1, 2019 at 11:56 PM
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I told them exactly how I feel, and I didn't sugar coat it at all. I told them that if they didn't back off then they can take there money back and not come to the wedding
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Devoted October 2019
Summer · on September 1, 2019 at 11:58 PM
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I should specify that it was my family behaving the same way, but since it's your FHs family he should be the one to tell her (or both do it together)
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Dedicated November 2020
April · on September 2, 2019 at 8:43 AM
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I agree with the others, I’d give her the money back and just not include her on anymore of the details regarding YOUR wedding. I think maybe FH needs to have a talk with her about her behavior. Hopefully she can take a step back and realize the stress that she is causing. My future MIL has tried to over step a bit but not to that extent, she called my FH complaining about who I chose for bridesmaids so I asked her if she wants to talk about it and she was super upset that I even found out and apologized for calling him about it. Communication is key and this definitely needs to be addressed with her, we’re also getting married in November of 2020 and that’s a long way to go with all of this stress. Hopefully things change for you! ❤️
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on September 2, 2019 at 8:52 AM
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Also agree. I would give the money back and keep things to yourself. She’s going to ruin your day if you keep letting her do this. Pay for things yourself and don’t take the money if it comes with strings attached. Honestly your FH is the one that should be dealing with his mom and setting boundaries with her to avoid this problem. Talk to him and see what he can do to help.
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Master January 2021
Andrea · on September 2, 2019 at 11:37 AM
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This is an unfortunate situation. But seems relatively common. I would decline help from her, and refrain from giving details about the wedding to her. Your wedding is late next year, and she's already behaving like this? Big no no. This has to be nipped in the bud from now!! So sorry you're having to deal with this. Your FH really needs to sit down and have a conversation to establish serious boundaries!!
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VIP November 2021
· on September 2, 2019 at 12:00 PM
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You need to put your foot down. I know it’s hard but sometimes you just have to!!! It’s your wedding !!!
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on September 2, 2019 at 12:20 PM
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I agree with PPs that giving the money back or revoking her financial help is the best option. If she still questions you and FH's choices, be firm that the decision has already been made and isn't up for negotiation. I'm sorry you're having to go through this!
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Devoted October 2019
Lara · on September 3, 2019 at 10:19 AM
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This.
If you really don't want to deal - have her pay for nothing. Don't include her in decisions. Only answer direct questions (or say you are still figuring it out).
This day isn't hers to control.
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