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Savvy September 2020

Mother-in-law to be

Bethany, on December 9, 2019 at 11:43 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12

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So, I’m still in the baby phase of wedding planning. I knew that I wanted to have it in an outdoor/barn/ranch style venue. And my FH said he liked that as well, so I’ve been calling and visiting venues like a madwoman trying to find one that’s well in our price range and offers some nice in-house services. Probably with these venues is that most of them hold a max of 250. My FH’s mother has been through a lot this past year, and she said she’s really excited to help with this and excited for some good things to happen in her and her families lives. But she’s been really pushing the “banquet hall” agenda, because she thinks more people is better.. more people means more money. In her mind, I think she believes a barn venue is pricey, but every banquet hall I’ve looked at with in-house catering cost almost DOUBLE.

I don’t want to let things get negative between her and I. And I want to still allow her to enjoy helping us, and the planning process. But sheS very opinionated.. help.

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Bethany, on December 21, 2019 at 9:41 AM

Expert March 2021
Jordan · on December 9, 2019 at 11:55 PM
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You have to just tell her what you want, I’m kinda of going through a similar experience but we are only a few months out. If you don’t say what you want it won’t get any easier and you won’t get what you really want.
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Savvy September 2020
Bethany · on December 10, 2019 at 12:06 AM
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I have though.. a few times. Last time she asked me why I wouldn’t have it in a hall I told her if I couldn’t lock down a barn/outdoor venue for 2020 that we’d have a family only ceremony in a field. And hire a good photographer and call it a day. And she didn’t like that. Talked about how her wedding had over 500 people.. but she’s really not paying for a lot for our wedding. We are. I’m just overwhelmed and trying not to be a jerk.
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Super October 2020
Leslie · on December 10, 2019 at 12:19 AM
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Tell her you and her son like the feel of barn/open and that banquet halls just don’t work for you. Don’t talk money as she will give you some and then expect control. I don’t like banquets halls because I want some windows for light. You want close friends and family not her buddies.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 10, 2019 at 5:19 AM
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Actually I would have your future husband speak to her about that because it's something that you both want and I think you both should definitely let her know that you want her help and you appreciate all of her help but that you like to keep the theme that you want and that you want to keep it small. People are quick to tell you what to do with your day when it's not their dime. Definitely be nice about it definitely let her know that you appreciate and want her help but at this is the thing that you do want to stick to.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on December 10, 2019 at 7:45 AM
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Your FH needs to have a chat with his mom and let her know that while you appreciate her help, you guys have a vision for your wedding. That vision doesn't include a banquet hall or a 500 person guest list.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on December 10, 2019 at 8:32 AM
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I agree with PP. Your FH needs to talk to his mom and have her understand this is your day not hers and while you want her involved she has to support your wishes. If he can’t do that you’re going to have problems. Don’t back down from what the two of you want, especially since you’re paying! Good luck.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on December 10, 2019 at 9:48 AM
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I think it is unrealistic of her to expect you to invite 500 people because that would be very expensive. Just because she has had a difficult year that doesn't entitle her to have control of your wedding. Your fiance needs to talk to his mom and explain what you guys want. If you want it in a barn that's where you should have it. It's your wedding not her. If you and your fiance don't put your foot down now, she is going to continue making demands throughout the rest of your lives.
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Dedicated 0000
Springbride · on December 11, 2019 at 2:56 PM
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When I was looking at venues I felt like everything was incredibly expensive no matter the venue style, I would have your husband speak to her since its his mother. if she is helping with the bill then you have to consider her point of view, 250 is a lot of guest, how many are you planning to invite? you should choose whatever makes you happy and excited for your wedding day!
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on December 15, 2019 at 11:38 AM
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250 is A LOT of people. How many more could she want lol. Have you sat down and made a rough list? I know i thought we'd have ~150 to invite so we were narrowing down venues that couldn't accomodate that, and when we finally made our list we realized we were well below 150 and some of those smaller vanues would work. you should make a rough draft guest list to see what your number is and if it's near 250 she should be okay with the barn. If she's still pushing banquet explain your dream is the barn/outdoor venue.
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Savvy September 2020
Bethany · on December 15, 2019 at 12:10 PM
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She wants 400-500.. and talks all the time about her wedding and how there were like 500+ people in a big banquet hall and it was so much fun, they got so much money and so many gifts and blah blah blah.. 200 feels like SO much! I mean, I’m a worship leader and I have a large group of a family and church family that I grew up with, but to me, smaller would be so much better! I’m looking at 175 capacity venues tomorrow! And I like them a lot!
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Savvy September 2020
Bethany · on December 15, 2019 at 12:12 PM
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Thanks for the advice everyone! My FH did talk with her, and we both vocalized what we wanted together. She doesn’t like some of it and she definitely still thinks she knows better.. and I don’t know everything and I’ve never obviously done this before, BUT I think my research and prep has been spot on. So we are doing what’s best for us! ❤️
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Savvy September 2020
Bethany · on December 21, 2019 at 9:41 AM
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The stress from the FMIL has continued... she took it to a whole new level last night when she said she knew a florist after we'd told her that we are doing a mix of faux and dried (because of the flowers we like being out of season during our wedding, and where I found them it IS significantly cheaper than real), we told her how much we put in our budget for flowers and she said "oh that's not going to be nearly enough, your bouquet alone will cost $500" and I said "no it won't" and she basically tried to make a joke that I was delusional.

I'm about to elope, y'all.
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