Mother in law problems

What exactly is she referencing when she says that you’ve had too much say?

Your FH needs to man up and stand up to his mother. You're correct - it's not her wedding, and if she isn't paying she doesn't get a say. If he refuses to take your side and help, I would seriously consider if I wanted to marry this man. This could possibly continue being an issue with your MIL for the rest of your life. I'm so sorry you're going through this!

Your fh needs to talk to his mother

Agree with others . And with 4 days away I'd probably just ignore her 😂

Unless she’s paying for the things she’s being annoying about, ignoring her is probably your best bet, but I would definitely have a serious talk with FH about standing up for you and not catering to his mother

You, your husband and your children will have a lifetime with this woman. Don't let her get her way--but dont go off on her. Sure your husband should stand up for you but there will be many situations through the years where he may not be around and your MIL needs to know YOU will drawn a line where you feel necessary. You don't have to like each other but you do have to pretend you do for the peace of the family. I'd work on what to say ahead of time, practice a smile/blank face and say something like "I respect your opinion but this is what we are going to do...." Then act like it was no big deal to tell her that and go about your business. If she reacts poorly, that's on her; you stay the course.

I love my mother in law but she can be a bear. I told my mom from the get go I did not want any help from my in-laws because 1, I didn’t want them to have a say in my wedding and 2, I didn’t want them to hold anything over our heads. Nope, nope, nope! My in-laws already think they have a say in who my FH’s best man should be. I know it’ll be a lot just to get them to the wedding bc we are having a DW where we want to have one and not where they would prefer.

I say tell your fiance you're mad at him for his lack of action, if that doesn't light a fire under his ass then you'll be stuck with problems the rest of the marriage. He should be able to tell his mother politely about boundries.
If he won't fix it tell his mother it's too late to change anything and then ignore her.

There are a lot of things we do to keep the peace with my mother in law. BUT when it counts I completely expect my husband to have my back with her. And I would be honest, if he didn't that would be a HUGE problem for me. You don't have to want him to be nasty to his mother, but you will be his wife and your family unit needs to come first. Now this doesn't mean for little things, or things that dont matter you need to raise hell. But on big ticket items (like your wedding) he needs to be able to say, "No, mom. This is what we are doing.".

FH needs to stand up for you both. FMIL's role is to show up, look pretty, and dance with her son. Not "do things her way" or argue with the bride to be that she's getting what she wants too much. I know it's tough. Try to get your future husband to talk to her and not let her bully her plans into the wedding.

Is she paying for any of the wedding? Your fiance NEEDS to get in the middle of it, he's a grown man and it's his mother causing problems.

My mother in law has been a struggle as well. Except she agrees in my face then goes behind my back and complains to my fiance and his father (who is footing majority of the bill). My fiance has been having my side but it has been annoying for her to complain about every choice I make. Your fiance needs to stand up to his mom and let her know it is you wedding and it will be the way you want it.

Too much say, in your own wedding??? Oh, hell no. I would have told her there's no such thing, and she can think whatever she wants because you're doing what you want for YOUR wedding. Jeez. What a nightmare!!

Also, if FH can't show you he will back you and stand up to his mother, I would be worried. What's going to happen down the road, when you are married, and his mother disagrees with you about something. Is he going to let her walk all over you? I hope not. Now is the perfect opportunity for him to stand up to her, and back you 100%. I'm sure you're right that he doesn't want either you or his mother mad at him. But he doesn't have to live with his mother. If he doesn't already live with you, he will once you are married. So, he needs to set reasonable boundaries with his mother.