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Just Said Yes October 2019

Mother-in-law & Photos

Sydney, on July 16, 2019 at 8:07 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 9

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I completed my photo shot list, which was very detailed so no one is left out. However my mother-in-law who is paying for the majority of the wedding slightly demanded that extended family photos, sort of like “family reunion” photos be taken by the photographer without myself and my fiancé (the bride and groom). I’m not sure how to approach this, I feel like even tho she is paying this is not an appropriate request. I know how busy the photographer is and asking them to do something the bride and groom have not requested seems like a distraction. Any advice on how to handle this?
PS. My mother-in-laws parents (my fiancé’s grandparents) understood and were happy to have someone take those photos on their phone with them and their siblings/nephews.

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Sydney, on July 17, 2019 at 2:09 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 16, 2019 at 8:12 PM
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I would tell her that, unfortunately, your photographer will be busy with your wedding photos, but you’d be glad to get her in contact with the photographer to schedule a family photo shoot afterward.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on July 16, 2019 at 8:38 PM
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I agree. You don’t want to spend another hour doing family photos or you will miss your cocktail hour and time with your guests. This day isn’t about her.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 16, 2019 at 9:19 PM
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That's definitely not appropriate. It only is if you're both in it somehow and it's just an extension of wedding family photos. you're just going to have to say there's a lot of shots for the photographer already to take so there likely won't be time.
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Expert November 2022
Megan · on July 16, 2019 at 9:27 PM
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I feel like this is bending over too far and trying to please her but is there anyway to add another photographer to the event? And she covers the bill to have another photographer, like an apprentice for the extended family photos. Like don't some photographers when doing weddings have a second photographer to catch pictures from different angles? I might be completely wrong lol
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Expert September 2019
DuttonSandersWedding · on July 16, 2019 at 10:03 PM
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It could potentially be accommodated if you have hired a photographer that brings a second person along to be sure your wedding is captured from all angles. Otherwise she is pulling your one photographer away from the main job she is paying them for and that is to capture your happy moments. Not get her family reunion shots. Is there another family member who has a decent camera they can bring along just for these extra portraits she wants?
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Devoted November 2020
Desiree · on July 16, 2019 at 11:47 PM
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I’m actually having the same issue but my mil is not paying for anything in the wedding.
I did tell her that we will be prioritizing certain photos and she can do the other photos if we have some extra time (we are having a very relaxed brunch wedding so I’m sure after everyone eats she will be able to do them) but I will also let my photographer know to get what I want done first
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Expert May 2020
Erin · on July 17, 2019 at 11:14 AM
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I understand that she is paying, but this is a ridiculous request. Wedding photos are supposed to have the bride and groom, and shouldn't you still be in the family photos?? I agree with PPs about giving her the photographer's info. to schedule a family shoot after the wedding.
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Super August 2019
Michelle · on July 17, 2019 at 12:07 PM
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We attended a friend's wedding a few years ago and the groom's parents did kind of the same thing. It took over an hour and it was super hot and everyone not involved in taking pictures had to sit around and wait. I agree with PP to simply say that your photographer is there to take photos of the wedding and you prefer to not make the rest of the guests wait unnecessarily but would be glad to have it done some other way and time.
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Just Said Yes October 2019
Sydney · on July 17, 2019 at 2:09 PM
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Thank you all for the insight! This defiantly makes me feel less like a jerk knowing I’m not the only one that thinks this.
Unfortunatley I only have the one photographer since my guest count isn’t too high. My day of coordinator told me as well to speak to my photographer about my concern so she can have a professional stance on it as well as me saying no to my mother-in-law. I hate to say it but is it too much to ask that just ONE day be about myself and my fiancé? Thanks again for the advice and input
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