Mother in Law is Inviting Guests without telling me!

First, your FI needs to deal with his/her mother, so when it comes to delivering your response it would come from him/her. Who is paying for the wedding? If she's not contributing, then feel free to say "we cannot accommodate your guests at our wedding". Don't give reasons or she'll try and fix it. She's clearly not respecting your feelings, so I wouldn't worry about upsetting her. She'll need to tell her friends they are not invited, and if they show up there will not be seats or meals for them.

Ugh, this kind of stuff infuriates me! Sorry this is happening to you.

OMG this is awful. Agreed your future husband needs to deal with this as it's his mother. And also agree, say it's a week from your wedding and it's physically impossible to add more guests at this time. It's your wedding! You shouldn't be forced to have people you don't like there!

Ugh my MIL did this too with 2 weeks to go until our wedding, except it was for our dinner rehearsal. That event, she planned and payed for so there was nothing we could do, but if you are paying for this wedding, ABSOLUTELY your FH should sit down with his mom and firmly but politely tell her that these people she invited just can’t be accommodated. No why or reason so that she can’t “fix it”. Just simply “they can’t be accommodated”. Agree with Jacks. This makes me LIVID when I hear stuff like this because me and my parents were pissed when my MIL did this.

Your FH needs to explain to his mother that these guests are unable to be accommodated at your wedding. There will not be seating or food for these people. It will be much less embarrassing for her to let them know ahead of time than when they show up at the event only to realize they are not actually invited!

I would skip your MIL and call these people directly. Explain that while you would have loved to invite everyone to your wedding, space and finances kept you from doing so. Further explain that they were not invited for this reason, and that you were unaware until this late date that your MIL extended an invitation to them. Being so late, they cannot be accommodated at the venue, and meals cannot be added to the final count, and you are very sorry MIL invited them without asking you about it first.

If this upsets or embarrasses MIL, tough. She had no business inviting people behind your back.

“I’m sorry we already turned in our final numbers. They can not be accommodated”

LMAO. I would literally flip my s***. Have FH speak to FMIL, and you should reach out directly to the guests you did not invite. Be nice, because this is a harsh thing to have to do. I would say "X and x, I am so sorry for the miscommunication but FMIL's invite was not formal nor did she inform us that she was doing so. We have already turned in our final numbers and would not be able to properly accommodate you. Again, we sincerely apologize for her mix-up."

Echoing everyone that it's your FH's job to speak to his mom about this. If there's no way for you to contact them, then she's going to have to do it (and frankly, she SHOULD have to be the one to have that conversation since she's the one who went behind your back and did this).

I definitely agree with Jacks that your FH should just keep it to "we can't accommodate them" and not offer any further explanation so she can't try to "fix" the issue. If you say it's because of costs, she'll try to pay for the extra guests. If you say it's about space, she'll offer to squeeze them into another table. If you say it's past the deadline for final headcounts, she'll tell you to just contact your vendors. Simple is best in these kinds of things.

View Quoted Comment I think my FH is more upset than I am because he’s the one who knows these people and has the grudge because he knows how awful they treated the family his whole life. And they had issues with alcoholism and he does not know how they are doing these days with it. I’m going to get their contact info from another family member and reach out directly because I feel like I only trust myself to make sure they get the memo. And I probably will never meet them so I’ve got nothing to lose. I am just alarmed that someone would go behind my back and do this to me!

View Quoted Comment Oh I have flipped my s*** , I’m also 3 months pregnant so , I think that has driven me to do what needs to be done at all costs ! I refuse to let a wedding get me more stressed than I should be. If I embarrass someone who did something they shouldn’t have… oh well. It’s pretty liberating.

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I think you're handling this perfectly. As you said, you'll know it was done properly if you're the one doing it, and there won't be any miscommunication. And you've definitely got the right attitude! Less stress is the way to go.

Congrats to you and your FH on the wedding and the pregnancy! Best wishes to you both.