Mother in law dilemma

Sorry I messed on the last post. I don't want to tell him what his mom said. She's has also been telling other family members that we are spending too much for our wedding. I've just been avoiding her. I stubby know what else to do

If you and fiancé are paying 100% , the budget you set is none of her business. Even if she's contributing, she should give you moneybas a gift, no strings attached eveb though I know most parents want to get a say on the area they are contributing to.

I don't understand what do you mean by " she tells my daughter that in to God for her son!".

Avoiding her is the only thing you can do. The fact you don't want to tell your fiancé what she sais is smart of you, not everyone would act this way, not sure if I personally would.

View Quoted Comment I meant that she tells my daughter
that I am too good for her son and that I can do better. How can she say that about her own son?

What you’re spending isn’t her business, so stop mentioning your plans to her, especially the cost of any of those plans. As far as what she said, are you sure she wasn’t kidding? If she wasn’t kidding, I’d just set boundaries and spend less time with her.

View Quoted Comment I never mentioned how much we were spending. She assumed. She never asked us anything about our plans. I feel like she is against it but she dosen't want to say it

People will always have opinions. Stop sharing information with her so she won’t have anything to say about it.


If she makes comments to you either change to subject or tell her “thanks for your suggestion” and change the subject.
Don’t let anyone change your mind about what you want for you’re wedding. They’ll have their day and you’ll have yours. Let it be as you wish.

View Quoted Comment Ah, family dynamics ... Sure it's weird for a parent to say this but chances are she means the other way around and she doesn't have the guts to tell you so.
However: her opinion about you being too good for him doesn't matter much, as long as you wanna marry him.
An arranged marriage is no longer a thing nowadays, at east in western/occidental culture, this is the reason why her opinion doesn't matter at all. She doesn't even have to attend your wedding if she's not supportive of your and her son's relationship.

Perhaps no longer taking her with you to appointments or sharing links with her is the way to go. What if you simply sent her screenshots of gowns you're considering? Omit any price or store information. She will likely still have comments to say, so when that happens, firmly say "I've decided to finish the search and planning on my own and I look forward to making the big reveal to [your FH] and everyone else on our wedding day." Your budget is your business and you don't owe anyone an explanation or apology. She might be projecting her own financial fears onto the two of you.

As an aside, it's a shame that she is putting down her son. I'm curious if she's saying those things because she is intimidated. Maybe she wanted to contribute to the cost of your wedding, but feels insecure that you might see her gift as "small" in comparison to your budget. Maybe a bit of reassurance that she is appreciated regardless of money or gifts, and asking her to do a gesture that would be meaningful to you (like gifting you a unity candle set, or the cake carving set, or if you're having a religious ceremony, letting you two use an old family Bible, etc.) could help?

Stop sharing your plans with her.

View Quoted Comment I have not shared any plans with her. She makes assumptions and runs her mouth on us.

You seem like an adult woman, you know what you want and how you want it. Why do you care? Just let her speak, let it fly over your head, and forget it right after she's done. Seriously, it's really not important what she thinks. I know we all want our MILs to like us, but they are people we have to socialize with although we normally wouldn't have chosen to. I think of mine like a peculiar family member that can be annoying at times, but who's still family, so you can't do anything about it. She obviously fixates on money, maybe she has a weird relationship with it and is careful about how she spends hers? It's really not a big deal as long as she doesn't try to influence your decisions.

View Quoted Comment She must be getting some sort of reinforcement for her behaviour? Good for you for not sharing with her.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I hardly even talk to her because she is so negative. And I don't want to hear her put him down