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Savvy November 2020

Mother Daughter Relationship

Shy, on May 28, 2020 at 9:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

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UGH!

So since I could remember me and my mother I have never gotten along for many reasons and never had a good relationship.

But let us talk about her and MY wedding.

I told her my fiance was wearing ALL BLACK because that's his thing so I want him to be the ONLY one wearing black so he too can have his moment and feel special. So like two days go by and she sends me a picture of this all-black dress. not only was it all black but it was completely over the top for my extra casual wedding we are having in the woods of a state park. She is the type of person to make everything about herself which I find to be really annoying.

she wants to be the one to walk me down the aisle but me and her don't talk and we aren't close plus she didn't even ask me she just thinks she's going to walking me down the isle without even talking to me about it. All my friends know the type of relationship me and her have and they all said they see my brother walking me down the aisle which is completely right. but I don't know how do go about telling her she's not doing the job without there being a big blowout.

She called me up and told me she would give me money to change everything about my wedding because she didn't like the way we were doing things. I was so confused because its MY wedding right? she also told me she didn't like my idea of a cake and thought I should do cupcakes but that's not what I want. i dont want a dj and she just told me how stupid it was and said she would pay for one even if i didnt want it. kinda going behind my back.

my mom had also said she would help pay for my wedding. I think it her reaching out to have a relationship with me but anytime she gets mad at me again she says shes no longer helping me. Just like my dress. she said she would pay for my dress but I ended up paying for it... she doesn't keep her word and never really has. I appreciate her reaching out and saying she would help pay for things but she hasn't held her word

I told my fiance from the beginning we should have just eloped but he is from Puerto Rico and absolutely love his family so he wanted them to be there and I can respect that.

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Kayleigh, on May 30, 2020 at 8:34 PM

Devoted September 2020
Mandee · on May 28, 2020 at 9:47 PM
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It seems to me it's time to put Mommy Dearest in a time-out! Don't talk to her about wedding things, don't enable her to put her opinion in on your wedding plans, and for heavensakes DO NOT take any money from her!
As far as the all-black dress, you might have to let that go because you cannot dictate the dress of anyone except your bridal party. You can try and tell her that you prefer she wears something lighter colored, but ultimately this might be a loss.
Walking down the aisle should be someone you're close to, and if that's your bro then that's his job. If your mom is a traditionalist then you play the Eldest Male Relation card because That's What's Done. If she's not, then simply tell her that while you appreciate her offer, you've been dreaming of your brother walking you down the aisle since the proposal.
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Dedicated October 2020
VICTORIA · on May 28, 2020 at 10:59 PM
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My mom and I have an estranged relationship- it's been tough. She made a big deal about various aspects of my wedding too (including the cake AND my dress!).
The only items I accepted money from her for were my dress (which she only paid a part of and I paid the rest) and my save the dates- in total she gave me less than $600.
If you think that having your mom pay for ANY portion of your wedding would give her a "say" then don't accept it. It is YOUR wedding, not hers, try to remember that.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on May 28, 2020 at 11:51 PM
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Ugh when I think about my mom and my wedding day, I think about how annoyed she made me ON my wedding day too! So I feel your frustration. Maybe just don’t tell her any details anymore so that she won’t be so bent on changing them. I hope on your actual wedding day though, you’ll be fine from her.
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Savvy November 2020
Shy · on May 28, 2020 at 11:58 PM
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I ended up doing Just that by not talking to her about the wedding at all but then said got upset that I wasn’t sharing wedding things with her anymore.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on May 29, 2020 at 1:35 AM
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I'm sorry. You're not alone. My relationship with my mother is so toxic, she declined to come to the wedding.
It's beyond time to stop telling her things about the wedding. Don't give her any details, and if she asks, just say you talk about it too much and change the subject. If she presses you on the walking down the aisle thing, say you've already arranged with your brother, the subject is closed. Get your FH to back you up. Have every conversation with a witness, make her aware there is a witness, and stand your ground.
She can get upset all she wants.
It's not her wedding, she's not actually paying for anything, and it's not her business.
If you draw the lines now, it will be less of a problem in the future - if she gets the chance to interfere now, she'll interfere in *everything*.
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Savvy November 2020
Shy · on May 29, 2020 at 1:48 AM
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All well said
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May 2022
Kayleigh · on May 30, 2020 at 8:34 PM
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Have you ever seen the movie monster in law? When I watched that I learned that apparently wearing an all white dresses or an all black dresses to a wedding is considered really rude to the bride. Because the bride should be the only one in all white, and black signifies mourning (not a feeling that should be associated w such a special day)
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