Mother calling you way to much

Signing your marriage certificate has nothing to do with who you talk to on Facebook. I would just say Mom, I’m not discussing this with you anymore and then don’t. If she whines just stand firm.

You're both adults, it's none of your mothers business who you or your husband are talking to on Facebook. She is way too involved in your personal lives at this point. This thing with your father and his wife has absolutely nothing to do with your mother. If she wants to ruin her relationship with you over something like this that has nothing to do with her, that's on her not you. I'm sorry she's being this way, but she sounds way too worried about herself than you in this situation.

Your husband is way out of line talking to your father’s wife when you don’t want any communication with them. He should absolutely be following your lead on dealing with your family members and even if he has the best of intentions, it’s not his place. However, just rpdont discuss it with your mom - just say “I’m not going to discuss this with you” and if she continues, end the conversation/phone call/visit. But your husband is more of the issue here.

KiwiDerbyBride! My husband is not the problem here. He is tired of me being bitter and angry all of these years because my father was very physically and mentally and emotionally abusive to me and to my Mom and to my sister's. He wants me to tell my father and his wife how I really feel about them once and for all

View Quoted Comment But it doesn’t matter what he wants, that’s not his call to make. I can definitely see why your mother would be upset that your husband is talking to your father’s wife when your father abused all of the women in your family. Sure, it’s not her place to tell him what he can and can’t do, but you really can’t see how that’s hurtful? I would be really upset if my FW said that I was a bitter and angry woman because my father abused me. OF COURSE you’re angry. Like PP said, your husband is really overstepping.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I’m on team mom here. I’m sure there’s more to the story than we’re getting here, but on the very basic level that “husband is in contact with alienated abusive father’s family and mom is upset by that” ....mom has every right to be upset. Sounds like drama that was more or less signed and sealed is getting stirred up. I’m not really understanding why husband is reaching out to these people and why it doesn’t bother you. If it’s because he’s trying to “fix your bitterness” ....I don’t think this is his place and I don’t think he necessarily knows what’s best. He may have your best interest in mind, but it doesn’t sound like he’s a therapist and it’s safe to say his solution might not be the best solution for you. It is mettling. And sometimes it’s not better to have that confrontation— it may not help in the way your husband hopes. It already just seems to be dredging up drama and unpleasant feelings. Personally, I’d request that he stay the heck out of it. But that’s me 🤷‍♀️

Okay, you're mom shouldn't be telling you what to do. It is your right to be in contact with whomever you want. However, your husbands behavior is atrocious in my opinion. I don't have contact with my biological father. He and my mother were married and had 2 kids. He was a psychopath. He probably still is. If I found out my husband was reaching out to my bio father or his wife, I don't think I would ever trust him again. If your husband thinks you're a bitter and angry person, why would he marry you?

Your mother is hurt. That's what it boils down to. Talk to her. Tell her you didn't approve of this. Then have your husband apologize for hurting her. That doesn't mean he has to admit guilt or say what he did was wrong or out of line. That means he apologizes for hurting her feelings unknowingly, as I'm sure that wasn't his intention. I'm sure this is a very sensitive situation. I wish you luck!

You have to stand your ground. whatever happened between your mother and father should not ever be put on your shoulders. and she shouldn't be making you chose sides. you're an adult and can make your own decisions.

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I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. only you in your heart know truly how you feel and what you want. follow that. do what is best for you and your husband.

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I agree with this. OP, it is not your husband's place to do what he is doing and he should respect your feelings and follow your lead on this. Then limit how much and what you share with your mom.

How does your mom know he is talking to them over messenger. Those are private messages, right. Are you venting about your relationship to your mom. If so, stop now. That's not fair to your FH and will only invite meddling and drama. Set some boundaries but I heard a good analogy once. Imagine that you and your FH are on one of those cruiser motorcycles with a big windshield. This is your s*** shield from everything in the world. You two need to be behind that shield together and get that in good shape. Then you can work on your relationship with your mother. I might be misunderstanding the situation.