Background: I’m 25, I have been living abroad for the last 3 years, my partner is Aussie and I’m American.
My partner of almost 5 years proposed to me at the end of April. We have talked extensively over the last year about our lives moving forward and starting the process to move to the US together. I’m going home with him to visit my family in July and he put forward the idea to get married with my grandparents there! I loved the idea, it’s perfect for me since I have always talked about wanting my grandparents at my wedding. And if we were to get married in Australia they wouldn’t be able to come.
When I called to tell my mom, no congrats/no happiness just total cold shoulder and “tell your father what you just told me”. She has been overly against this idea, and I am a people pleaser. It’s really difficult because my partner’s mom (future MIL) is so excited and happy for us. She has bought her flights and accomodation to be there for our wedding but my mother is being so overly negative about it. So much so that I have cancelled 3 bookings for venues because she has made me so negative about wanting to get married with her there… I’ve changed my mind so many times, my poor fiancé is getting whiplash on whether it’ll be here or there.
She thinks I should have a 5-year plan before getting married, that life isn’t a romance novel, this is a huge commitment, etc. I’m financially independent, have just finished my post grad which my parents paid for (even though I begged to get a student loan lol), and have a full-time job in my industry! My partner and I are registered de-facto (common-law) here in Australia. The next step is marriage! And I’m ready to get married, so much so that I’m even willing to just do it at the courthouse now because I just want to marry my fiancé. I could care less about a wedding especially even now lol.
I am really having a hard time coming to terms with my mom not being happy for me and allowing me to do what I want as an adult. I am unfortunately a people pleaser and crave approval from my family, so it has been so emotionally exhausting to go through this.
I’ve decided that I am going to go through with marrying my partner when I’m home since I know my grandparents will be there, my mom would show up begrudgingly since she wouldn’t want to look bad in front of MIL and grandparents. Is this a bad idea if it is going to piss my mom off? Idk it’s so hard for me. I don’t want to burn any bridges with my mom or dad but I have a feeling it’ll happen by just marrying my partner lol.
