Mother adding to Guest List

Stand your ground. Sit down and discuss your concerns and vision with her. If she is still insistent, give the money back as it often has strings attached and she is not respecting the boundaries you have. Plan the wedding with your own money based on what can afford.

I would have a conversation with her. Tell her your concerns and that you're trying to keep the guest list small, and while you'd like to invite more people, you'd prefer not to because of space and COVID. If she still insists on you inviting them, then I would return her money to her and pay for everything yourself, since her generous offer to help pay also has strings attached. I don't think you're being a brat - it is your wedding, you should get to have everything how you want it.

Unfortunately, this type of stuff happens when they are contributing towards your wedding which is exactly why my husband didn't want to accept money from anyone for our wedding. You could definitely express your concerns to her, but be prepared for her to get upset or say she won't contribute anymore.

I would tell her that you cannot accommodate any extra guests and expect to have to return the money.

Totally agree - time to sit down & have a lil chat with mommy dearest! Good luck beautiful!

Thank you all! I dont mind returning the money-we can take care of it. I will sit down and have a video chat with her as she lived across the country.

We really want to keep the guest list as small as possible because I don't want to risk the possibility of anyone getting sick.


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If we add those people, I'll also feel obligated to invite [these other people] and I really don't want the guest list to spiral out of control because that increases the risk of spreading COVID and I don't want to look back at my wedding pictures and see people who got really sick/died because they came to my wedding.
If she gave you the money before telling you she wanted to add people, you don't have to immediately give the money back, but you may want to if she keeps pressuring you.

If she’s paying for them just invite them

I think people misconstrue gifted money from family for the wedding as you no longer getting a say in your own wedding. A gift of money is exactly that, a gift, and people tend to forget that. You don’t give somebody a sweater at Christmas and say, “you can only wear it on Tuesdays and with black jeans”. Regardless of who is paying for it, it is YOUR wedding that YOU get to make the decisions about. If they don’t like it, then they don’t have to gift you money. You also have very, very valid points about why you don’t want these family members there.

View Quoted Comment Love this response thank you

View Quoted Comment Very good point! I hope she wont be salty about it.

Have this same issue with my mom. It’s important to stand your ground otherwise she’s not going to stop. Me and my fiancé made it clear, since we are planning to pay for most of it ourselves, we will have the final say in the guest list and have a guest limit that we’re sticking to. We were already inviting majority of the people on the list she sent, but there were some I haven’t spoken to or seen in 10+ years. We’re tired of dealing with guest list drama with her, so we decided to not let her know anything about the guest list and to not accept any more money from her for the wedding. Hope things get easier!

View Quoted Comment All of this. And, if it is true and you want to, talk to her about wanting to get to know her family better, just that you are worried about these Covid times.
And promise you will do something of a family party in 1.5 or 2 years, with her for her side of the family. And unlike a wedding now, it will be one where you and hubby will have time to talk hours and hours, and hug, and bring pictures to look at or swap, things you cannot do at a wedding due to time and other guests, and Covid.