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Just Said Yes November 2021

Most guests backed out of coming to our wedding.

Tiffany, on October 11, 2021 at 3:39 PM Posted in Planning 0 14
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So our wedding in next month and we had invited 140 people, hoping to get around 100 guests which was the minimum of our contract with our venue. If 100 people don't come we still will be paying for 100 people. The date for our RSVPs to be returned has passed and still about 14 have not been sent back but as of right now only 41 people aside from myself and my fiancee will be in attendance. Even my maid of honor dropped out three days ago. I know the world is crazy right now and I can't control that but the excuses we were given were simply, I don't feel like traveling anywhere and I don't like the cold. We live in Florida and are getting married in New Jersey but we have family in Nevada that are almost all coming and family in Maryland and Pennsylvania that are coming as well. None of my fiancees family are coming, almost none of them responded. I don't know if I should be as upset and hurt as I am. I worked so hard to get this day perfect and people are just dropping our left and right. Only one of my original bridesmaids is from my original group...and she's now stepped in as maid of honor. I just can't get it out of my head that this is all my fault and I should never have even planned a wedding to begin with and of we weren't contracted into everything I'd just cancel at this point because it feels pointless when so many people have just dropped out last minute or decided that they didn't want to come. None of them cited the pandemic or the money, they just don't feel like it, that's the answer they gave, the answer my fiancees grandparents gave. I can't help but to be hurt and I don't know how to deal with this without feeling hopeless...

14 Comments

Latest activity by Mary, on October 13, 2021 at 1:45 AM
  • Jasmine E.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine E. ·
    • Flag
    Not responding isn't the same as not coming. Many people wait until the last minute to RSVP or they just forget. I would call anyone you haven't heard from yet (like your fiancé's relatives you mentioned) and say you need a firm yes or no by X date.
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry. Jasmine is right though. If they didn't respond then you to reach out to them and ask them if they are attending. Is there anyone you didn't give a plus one to that maybe you now extend a plus one to that way you aren't wasting money.

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  • T
    Just Said Yes November 2021
    Tiffany ·
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    We've been trying to contact them....the ones we have gotten through to have all said no and that they didn't think they needed to send back the RSVP since they weren't coming anyway...the last few we don't have phone numbers for and when we asked my fiancees mother for the numbers she said if they haven't sent it back they're not coming so don't bother...which is frustrating.
    • Reply
  • T
    Just Said Yes November 2021
    Tiffany ·
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    Everyone that is coming has a plus one aside from two people and they're both single and traveling so they aren't bringing anyone. We even invited the people with plus ones to bring more so my mom's cousin is bringing his girlfriends grandkids so we can fill out a little more. I wish I knew more people to invite to come last minute, but no one's responding. We're not even upset about the money at this point we just feel unloved.
    • Reply
  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
    • Flag
    I’m sorry—that’s rough. There’s no such thing as a “valid” reason for not attending a wedding. People are perfectly within their right to not attend anything they don’t want to for whatever reason they want, and no one is entitled to make them feel bad about that. That being said, of course it is super hurtful to be in your position. To have that many declines to a wedding is extremely unusual.
    In addition to extending additional invites, talk to your venue about reallocating money. Upgrade your entrees or cocktail hour offerings. Can you now afford a premium bar when before you couldn’t? I know you said it’s not about the money, which is totally legit, but there are ways to make the money you have to spend work harder and give you and the guests who are excited to celebrate you an elevated experience!
    • Reply
  • Melanie
    Dedicated November 2022
    Melanie ·
    • Flag
    I know it isn’t really easy to deal with or the feelings that do come along with this situation. It is hard, but you also should consider yourself lucky they aren’t coming. If they don’t really feel like celebrating you and your FH but did come to the wedding, there could be some negative vibes being sent out and that’s not what you want on your wedding day. The people who are coming love and support y’all and that’s the best people to surround yourself with. Plus, you never really know why people aren’t coming. They could be struggling financially, mentally, or have some medical issues going on that they may not want to disclose. This past year or two has really taught me to have grace for others. I truly hope that you are able to relax some and really enjoy your special day with your FH and those who are able to come.
    • Reply
  • JW
    Savvy September 2021
    JW ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry. But you ARE loved. Let yourselves enjoy all the love and well wishes you are receiving from those who are attending. You can now look forward to spending more time with them on your special day and making memories that will build an even closer bond with them.

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  • T
    Just Said Yes November 2021
    Tiffany ·
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    You make a really good point that I don't think I even thought of in regards to my side of the family. I know with my fiancees side if they were there they would be mad with our ceremony and make me feel guilty for what we chose to do/not do. I know with his family they don't do family get togethers, I haven't even ment 75% of them. With my family and our friends it just hurts because they all promised to be there, they all said don't worry we'll be there and they've been saying this since we started planing the wedding last year....so now that they all last minute said no it hurts a lot more. But you're right, those that are there are the ones that matter most!
    • Reply
  • Molly
    Expert August 2021
    Molly ·
    • Flag
    I felt like this because my cousins and one set of uncles and aunts didn't come and others from my dad's side who said they were looking forward to it never RSVPed and never showed up. And you know what, I didn't even miss them. It was so nice to just be with people who wanted to be there for us. I know it hurts now cause I was ready to scream so I can only imagine. Just remember how much fun everyone who will be there will have.
    • Reply
  • T
    Just Said Yes November 2021
    Tiffany ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you. That actually makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who's experiencing this....I hope on the day I can just forget about those who didn't come and focus on those who did!
    • Reply
  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
    • Flag
    Don'tet it rui. your day. It's so frustrating having so many people decline or, worse, not even respond. We had almost 50% of our invites decline. We were so disappointed (about some of them anyway 😉). In all honesty though, we still had the most amazing wedding and celebrated with people who really wanted to be there with us. Look at as a gift they're giving you by not being there. Enjoy your day for the wonderful event it is. Don't give them another thought and appreciate the people that are there even more!
    • Reply
  • Shannon
    Dedicated July 2022
    Shannon ·
    • Flag
    Sorry the the responses are so low. I would never not rsvp to a wedding as that is just plain rude.
    You are getting married in NJ…are there any people to invite there? I’m in NJ and it doesn’t start getting cold until mid Nov.
    When is your date? Is it close to a holiday where it would have impacted attendance?
    • Reply
  • J
    January 1895
    Jessa ·
    • Flag

    I don't know if this applies to your family but this is my experience.

    There have been occasions in which my excitement for a life event made me forget what I know about some people in my life. Because I was happy and thrilled, I thought everyone would feel that way. When they didn't it hurt my feelings and sometimes ruined the event in my eyes.

    After many years and painful lessons I realized, you cannot change a relationship or a person with an occasion. My Childs first birthday isn't going to change my relationship with a difficult sibling or Christmas dinner isn't going to magically fix my uninterested parent. This allowed me to let go of how I thought things should be and embrace how things really are.

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Mary ·
    • Flag
    That is very upsetting. My wedding is next week and I still have people canceling last minute. I would say just stay positive and enjoy the people who are going to be there. At least since it's less people you can actually spend time with your guests. Try not to take it personal, even though I know it is hard. Good luck.
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