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Savvy August 2019

More Declines than we expected...vent

Ann, on August 10, 2019 at 4:27 PM Posted in Planning 0 21

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So yesterday was our RSVP deadline and we have gotten quite a few declines that we weren't expecting. It makes me sad because we had to cut a few people from the guest list who we really wanted to have at the wedding, because we could only afford to invite X number of people. Now I am worried we will have to upgrade our package to meet our minimum. I would have rather had these guests than extra food or bar time. However it was important at the time when we made our guest lists that we didn't go over budget, and costs were just so overwhelming. So we cut our lists. I wouldn't have been surprised if we had a 10-20% decline rate, but we are looking at a 35% decline rate, possibly higher

We have a few outstanding RSVP's but most of these are for people we kind of anticipated a "no" response when we sent them out. I'm just disappointed some people can't make it (totally understand why some of them can't come, just sad nonetheless and worried our reception is going to look sad in such a big hall).

I suppose I can at least be glad that we didn't go over budget on the reception - I had a coworker who counted on that 10-20% decline rate and ended up with 5%. She was freaking out over costs and there wasn't enough space in her venue to hold everyone. I vowed never to invite more people than I could comfortably afford to host...but I guess I never expected to have the opposite problem

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21 Comments

Latest activity by Jennifer, on August 12, 2019 at 1:29 AM

Devoted October 2019
Casey · on August 10, 2019 at 4:33 PM
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I’m afraid that’s going to happen to us! I just sent out invitations and have only gotten one RSVP so far! It’s online RSVP so don’t have to wait for the card in the mail. Just think positively, you can spend more time and resources on the guests that do come.
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Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on August 10, 2019 at 5:06 PM
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It’s unfortunate but very typical to have 20% or more decline. We had almost a 50% decline rate with 155/280 accepting.
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VIP December 2019
Michelle · on August 10, 2019 at 5:11 PM
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I'm worried about that as well
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 10, 2019 at 5:43 PM
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I'm sorry you're worrying about this! Try to remember it's about quality, not quantity
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Master May 2019
Chandra · on August 10, 2019 at 5:45 PM
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I get it. Declines can be kind of a bummer. We had 54/120 guests attend and it made me kind of sad, especially bc only 1/3 of the attending were my guests. But there was a lot of travelling for our wedding and in the end, we had wanted a smaller 60 person wedding and it was just as fun as a bigger wedding!
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Devoted September 2020
I_Do_Too · on August 10, 2019 at 6:34 PM
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Can you send invites to the B-list?
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Savvy August 2019
Ann · on August 10, 2019 at 6:50 PM
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I would think it's too late to send out B-list invites at this point....the RSVP date is today. We got several last minute declines and a few people changing their RSVP to "no".

I suppose I could ask a couple of co-workers that I still hang out with. I didn't invite them because I had a rule of not inviting anyone from work and they understood this at the time - they recognized FH and I were struggling to keep the guest count within budget. But we no longer work together, so I guess the rule doesn't apply anymore...I just don't know how to do this without sounding rude.
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Savvy August 2019
Ann · on August 10, 2019 at 6:54 PM
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Yeah, I guess I just didn't expect anything higher than 30% because I hear so many people stressing about having too many guests. Were you expecting a 50% decline rate? Did you feel like your venue was too big?
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Savvy August 2019
Ann · on August 10, 2019 at 6:55 PM
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Very true! I keep trying to tell myself this!
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Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on August 10, 2019 at 6:57 PM
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We were expecting at least a 40% decline rate, but we also had over half our guests be out of town people. Our venue fit 250 max, so the 280 we invited was a stretch for me but I was actually very thankful to have just 150. It felt much more open in the venue which was nice.
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Expert July 2019
Mary · on August 10, 2019 at 6:58 PM
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We were also at a 35% decline rate. We had to add dinner courses and snacks to meet our minimum, but that means we got to spoil our attending guests more? 😊
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on August 10, 2019 at 7:09 PM
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Doing a guest list of 150-200 people, a destination wedding in Upstate NY, where most people will have to travel from MD/DC/VA, NC/SC/FL, MA & a few in NY.
So it will be truly interesting to see how many say “Nope”....

But, I’m sorry that you were hoping for more people. Life gets crazy and in the way. I’m sure if they could be there they would be...
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Savvy August 2019
Ann · on August 10, 2019 at 7:15 PM
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That's good to hear! I'm glad that you had just as much fun .
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on August 10, 2019 at 10:46 PM
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"Hey additional person I'd like to invite last minute, I had some uncles that I was obligated to invite, and fortunately declined, so I can fill their seats with people I'd rather have there. I'm also inviting mutual friend so you'll know people there. Wanna come to my wedding?"

I had a coworker who invited a bunch of us that way, a week before her wedding. I rsvp'd Yes and signed it as "Uncle Willow" as a joke, a bunch of us went, and had a blast.
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Devoted November 2021
Sarah · on August 10, 2019 at 11:09 PM
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I'm so worried about this too! I have a large extended family, and I don't expect them all to accept, but if only a few do I might be left with an empty wedding space and a stuffy, dull reception! At the same time I'm not very close to most of them, and I suppose I could take all the money I save on our honeymoon 🤷🏼‍♀️
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Devoted January 2020
Ellie · on August 10, 2019 at 11:12 PM
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I feel like I'm gonna be in the same boat for our wedding since it is in January and most of our guests will be coming from out of town since my FH and I are from other states. Some people have already let us know that they wouldn't be able to make it which we expect but there seems to be a lot of wildcards on my FH's side as far as reliability goes. Can't even get some of these people on the phone, to confirm they received a save the date.

At the end of the day though with all the time and energy it takes to plan and organize things I think at this point I'll just be happy to be married to my FH. Whoever makes it, makes it at the end of the day I still get to ride off into the sunset with my Prince
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on August 11, 2019 at 3:17 AM
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I'm so sorry. The same is happening to me.
We cut a lot of people (including my college friends), because of my family. Then my mother got offended, declined to come, and made all the rest of her family decline, too. This turned our decline rate into more than 34%... but not until well AFTER the RSVP date, so we couldn't even create a B list that wasn't obvious.
I think what irks me the most is that the family clearly decided after getting their invites, back in June. But they didn't even bother to let me know until after August 1st.
So, I actually had time to create a second wave... but my family loves drama.
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Expert November 2019
Future Mrs. Danger · on August 11, 2019 at 9:13 AM
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I was going to ask the same question. Why not now invite the ones you had to previously cut?
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Devoted December 2021
Cristina · on August 11, 2019 at 5:49 PM
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Almost all of my guests have to travel to attend my wedding. I'm super worried about not having enough people attend. My wedding is still 2 yrs out but we are hoping to get an estimated guest count once we do our save the dates.
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Expert October 2017
Florida Marlins · on August 11, 2019 at 6:05 PM
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Please original poster, please no B listing. It is rude and people would be hurt. No one wants to be an afterthought, and that is how they see it, It may not be your intent, but that is how it be perceived.
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