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Super November 2021

More crazy future sister in law! To invite or not?

Alejandra, on November 11, 2019 at 3:47 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 14

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So in the past I’ve posted about my FH’s crazy older sister. She absolutely hates me because her cousins told her to (no lie) because even though I’ve seen her multiple times, she’s never even said “hello” to me. The first time I met her was for thanksgiving a couple years ago. I got up to say hello to her and she walked right past me and into the kitchen. Didn’t say a word to me the entire trip. Her parents and sister were very disappointed. Fast forward to now, she and my fiancé don’t talk because of how rude she is to me. When we got engaged, her husband reached out to congratulate us and she said nothing. We saw her this weekend at a family wedding. She lives in CA and we live in IL, and the wedding was in MO. I was hoping that we would be able to speak and say hello now that her husband was back from deployment (I’d never met him before) and nothing. She walked right past us in the church again. We was complaining the entire time about how long family pictures were taking (it took maybe 20 minutes) and spent absolutely zero time with her parents and grandma just because we were with them. In between the ceremony and reception, they went to a bar. We spent our entire time with my FH’s family because that’s what we were there for. They were late to the reception and left after an hour. When they said goodbye, they ignored us again. This time around, my FH’s entire extended family noticed how rude and childish she was. She made multiple people uncomfortable. My fiancé and I have decided we don’t want her at our wedding. I left the choice up to him, and that’s what he wants, and I don’t want her there either. What would you do?

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Brenda, on November 12, 2019 at 12:59 PM

VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on November 11, 2019 at 3:51 PM
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If he doesn't want her there, I wouldn't invite her. I would also have him talk to his family about it so they are aware. She'll obviously get the hint at some point, but no need to put family in an awkward situation unnecessarily by asking if she got her invitation.
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Master January 2015
null · on November 11, 2019 at 3:52 PM
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I agree with Ivy ORP. If FH doesn't want her there and neither do you, don't invite her.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on November 11, 2019 at 3:54 PM
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If both you and FH agree on this, I would not bother inviting her. It's clear she's not interested in your life together
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on November 11, 2019 at 3:54 PM
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If you fiance doesn't want her there then I wouldn't invite her. It is his sister so it is his decision as to whether she attends. I do think not inviting her is only going to strain his relationship with his sister more, but it doesn't seem like she really cares.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on November 11, 2019 at 3:57 PM
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You left it up to him and he doesn't want to invite her. What's the question?
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on November 11, 2019 at 4:08 PM
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It sounds like the decision has been made. Neither of you want her there so it’s decided.
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on November 11, 2019 at 4:18 PM
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That’s what I think too, but it also can’t get more strained than not speaking.
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on November 11, 2019 at 4:19 PM
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In general, I’m more concerned with whether we are in the wrong or not. I know we don’t have to have her, but I wondered if anyone else would make that same choice.
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on November 11, 2019 at 4:20 PM
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We were curious to see what other people would do. I don’t want to not invite her, but she’s a horrible person. We wondered if anyone else would invite someone in that situation or not.
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Lady · on November 11, 2019 at 6:04 PM
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If your FI doesn't want to invite her, don't invite her.
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Lady · on November 11, 2019 at 6:05 PM
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If your FI doesn't want to invite her, don't invite her.
However, I would probably invite her. Then if she chooses not to attend or not speak to you, that's on her. It won't ruin your day at all if she doesn't talk to you, know what I mean? Personally, I would be the bigger person, but I'm not your H and think it's ultimately up to him.
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Super December 2021
Alyssa · on November 12, 2019 at 9:59 AM
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If FH said no thanks to his own sister, he's choosing his wife over his family which speaks volumes about his relationship with you as well as to her horrendous behavior. Unless she fesses up to what the problem is, promptly apologizes and makes things right, I wouldn't risk inviting her.
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on November 12, 2019 at 10:54 AM
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I feel so fortunate that he respects me enough to not want her there! I’ve suggested a couple ways of maybe having a conversation with her with a moderator (their mom, a counselor, etc) but he said it wouldn’t work with his sister.
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Dedicated December 2019
Brenda · on November 12, 2019 at 12:59 PM
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Hi Alejandra,
I have faced the same issue with family members and our wedding. I would say that, its hard. I mean she is his sister! However, even if she is his sister, she still does not want the best for you, him or the both of you together. She seems a little toxic. And I think that on a day as special as your wedding you should not feel obligated to have anyone there who does not love you both and want to celebrate your love for one another. Let your fiance decide but if he says no, then I would just leave it be! But if he says yes, I would just express how you're feeling to him (if you havent already of course).
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