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Angel
Savvy February 2022

Monster in law

Angel, on March 11, 2020 at 9:13 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 14
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Ok, so there has been kind of a falling out with my future Mother in law and I don’t know what to do because it has kind of ruined mine and my fiancé’s mood about the wedding. I’m getting married in July, my fiancé and I have been dating for 8 years (high school sweethearts). I’ve never had an issue with his family and I always figured we got along fine. There were no complaints about me but I wasn’t super close with them. We are currently looking at buying a home and his mother is a realtor, not a great one either. She was my parent’s realtor and there were many difficulties with her and they missed out on lots of opportunities because she procrastinated. Even so, my parents were nice and never said anything to her. So when she caught wind that we were looking for a house she automatically started being our realtor without asking or at least talking to us first. My fiancé and I agreed that we didn’t want to use her for a multitude of reasons, especially because it is not smart to mix business and family. Well, when we broke the news to her she flipped out. She told my fiancé that he was losing her a lot of money and breaking her heart. And then his family cut him out. All of this has now somehow morphed into it being my fault and the reason they don’t want to attend our wedding or have anything to do with him is because they don’t approve of me or our marriage. All of a sudden when for years nothing truly negative was said about me and now I’m the devil and ruining his life. This is breaking my fiancé’s heart because his two brothers were also his groomsmen and now none of his mothers side will be attending. What do I do? What can I do? Both of us have been dragging our feet on planning for the wedding because it just brings up hurt feelings but we are on countdown mode. How do we move past this?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Madison, on March 29, 2020 at 9:58 AM
  • Onya
    Expert October 2020
    Onya ·
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    Comfort him. Let his mom blow off her steam. She’ll come back around. It’s just one of the bumps in the road.
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  • Rea
    Devoted November 2017
    Rea ·
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    What onya said.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Wow that's interesting and I would say that even if you and his family make peace I would basically be very cautious of trusting them. Either they have been faking for 8 years or just because you did not want her business you're now a horrible person and that is a complete 180 and I don't know if I could put my full trust in those in-laws. Especially it's interesting how his whole family backed out because of the mother. To me probably the only way to rectify things to get his family back on board would be to have her be your realtor but you saw the experience your parents had and that's experience you both will have. At this point I think your fiance needs to sit down with her and he needs to express how he feels that just because he did not want to mix business with pleasure she and basically his family turned against him and how hurtful that is at his own mother would do that to him. If the only way to rectify things to at least get them to come to the wedding is to have her be the realtor that maybe that's the hit that you take for the marriage. Sadly marriage is about compromise that you may not necessarily care for. But again and this is just my opinion I would always be nice and cordial with them by if everything is resolved I probably would not be as trusting of them or be as close with them in the future because the way that they all the sudden treated you and him is messed up and that to me would break a lot of trust.
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    I'm wondering if your MiL is a narcissist. This kind of reaction over an ego blow is not normal. There are support forums for dealing the narc family members
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  • Angel
    Savvy February 2022
    Angel ·
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    I’ve wondered that and questioned it myself. Unfortunately, my fiancé doesn’t see it and has a hard time standing up to her.
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  • Michaela
    Just Said Yes February 2020
    Michaela ·
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    I went through a very similar situation right before my big day. My wife’s sister asked if she could bring her brand new boyfriend to our wedding a few weeks before. She became hysterical when we said no and successfully turned her moms side of the family against us. A lot of people said they weren’t going. A lot of them changed their minds shortly before and decided to still attend and it turned out okay. We’ve been married about 20 days now and things are still rocky, but I can sense that things will be somewhat okay eventually. Hopefully the same goes for you. I think a lot of people will realize that they’ll regret missing it.
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  • Springbride
    Dedicated 0000
    Springbride ·
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    I find it strange that she would even want to make money off of you and her son. But anyways maybe she will get over it I'm sure no mother wants to miss her childs wedding. Maybe FH can try to talk to her in a few weeks when everyone cools down. good luck!
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  • Jr
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jr ·
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    I just went to counseling with my fiancé so he could here that it was his family’s fault, from another persons mouth! But to be honest, why not hire his mom, even if she isnt that great, you are buy, not selling. Selling is a different story. But she probably needed the money. Just do your best to be polite. I totally understand, my fiancé has a fAMILY of crazy drug users that he cares about their opinion and it has cost us a lot until we started counseling
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  • Angel
    Savvy February 2022
    Angel ·
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    I get the idea that it’s just buying but at the end of the day WE are buying and would be pushed into buying a home we wouldn’t actually want because she would either want the money quicker or because she liked the house. Plus we are more on a time crunch and can’t afford for her to do the ball on putting an offer on a house because she didn’t like it or because she procrastinated. Again, there are a million reasons we wouldn’t want her as a realtor. Even at this point if we offered her the position she would deny because she’s in a punishing mode and just want to teach us a lesson to never tell her no.
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Don't use her as a realtor. You need to start setting boundaries NOW or this will never end
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  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
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    Sounds like your fmil needs to grown up and act like a mature adult. Do the best that you can to comfort your fiancé I'm sure he is beyond hurt that his own family would do something like that to him.

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  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
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    She definitely seems to be one

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  • Amanda-Joi
    Beginner March 2020
    Amanda-Joi ·
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    I feel like weddings can bring out a lot of opinions and rough times as things get further along. Because of things I thought my wedding was going to be rough, but it turned out people really cared about me and eventually backed off a lot. Just try to communicate that you need to do what’s best for you both!
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  • Madison
    Just Said Yes August 2025
    Madison ·
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    So my fiance and I have been friends for 11 years. And his family is being completely ridiculous about us getting engaged. His mom basically is convinced I'm the devil and whenever they get into a fight they pull our relationship into it and make him feel horrible. And I can't do anything about it because I live two hours away. I'm still in college. And she tried telling him I was probably cheating on him and I've talked to him about how all of this was making me feel and it always leads to a fight between us. Our families have gotten along for years and now that I'm engaged to their son it's like I'm not good enough or something and it really sucks to think that the family you're marrying into will probably hate you but then change all of that and pretend like nothing happened when my fiance and I get pregnant (which we will be trying asap after the wedding)
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