Money!!

This is often the flip side, or result, of something that gets a lot of posts on here. Mom and dad expect me to invite 75 extended family, and there are only 10 I have seen or talked to in 5-10 years. Or, My husband is inviting his whole league softball team, way more friends than mine. So instead of just my 2 best friends from my college sorority, I decided to invite all 30 of those in my class, and one year younger. Or, I work in an office of 12 people, but only see 2 people, and there husbands, out of the office. But mom says, most of them have been in the same jobs ten years or more, and in 3 years when the office manager retires, I will be their boss, so I have to invite all of them, and I guess their husbands and kids. . . . All these perfectly harmless things, we have room, why not. . . . But when you invite a whole bunch of people who have never invited you to their home in years, or whom you only know from work or your ball club, or talked to occasionally at the school you left 4 years ago, not since, you get a lot of people who do not know you well enough to get you anything more than a $10 hostess gift, from the 2 of them or the five of them. I come from a huge family, so does my husband. But aside from them, I have only so many people I know well enough to spend $100-150 on each of them, $200-$300 a couple. Or who would ever invite us to a dinner where the meal cost that much. But I have been to lots of weddings of friends where their total families are 5 people each, or they are only children if only children. And they invite 320 people and 250 come. Just 3 weeks ago, that was true. And my friend's MIL was upset the dollar value of more than half the gifts was $25 per couple or family. But those folks rarely entertain anyone else, have a small circle of friends, and invited everyone they ever saw in church, met at school , teachers not seen for 6-8 years, people who gave them babysitting jobs 10 years ago, and the grown up kids. When you invite hundreds of people you are barely acquainted with, and have not bothered to visit once in years, why do you think that couple should spend $100 or $200. People who do that should expect that gifts are given according to how close you are to the couple. Weddings are nit like a block party, everyone come. But many people with 60-100 actual friends and family, who would ever spend $50 per person to take them out, invite 100-150 too many people. Lots of people really have 40 friends and SO and 20 family members who see each other at least every 2 years, and call or write often. How does that list of 60 people become 100, or 200, or more? At the wedding I was at 3 weeks ago, neither the bride a or groom, nor their parents, could identify two families, 4 and 5 people, went to the seating chart, to figure out, they were her mom's aunt and uncle from California's, kids, all grown up with kids of their own. Who actually lived an hour away. And yes, they invited them. My husband was dumbfounded. Want to guess home much they gave the couple, if anything? . . . Lots of couples over-invite, and let their parents do it too. No surprise when they are not overwhelmed with love for the couple while out gift shopping. My favorite MOB quote of all time: " With all the trouble I took to ask around and find out my cousin's married name and kids' and husband's names, then get their address, you would think they would have given a better present."😊

In my culture it is customary to give money as a gift to the couple. however, i do not expect that or want to rely on that at my wedding so i planned my wedding based on myself paying for it and not counting on money gifts to break even or help recover money.

but a lot of my friends would tell me oh it sounds like you would totally break even then or get a lot of money. i hate to think of it that way because you just don't know! and not to mention that the wedding is not a money making event.

so when you plan for a wedding, don't expect it to be where you'll get enough back from guests to help you recuperate your losses. it's really for you to celebrate with them and if they give you something well that's nice of them.