Money Stress Vent

We can give the photographer the money and get paid back but I’m in a really bad place right now and would only have like $300 left in my bank account. My FH has much more, but we are also moving and he is paying 2 rents for March, plus the deposit for that and already pays our total rent and bills since I only work part time (not by choice) and I don’t want to ask him for anything else. I’m just so upset. This is all terrible timing and I wish we had waited. Maybe I should just try to take another credit card out. I was so happy I was caught up on my credit bills and that I only have 1500 left on my student loan.

While my grandma is thinking everything should be cheaper, whenever I am worried we’re spending too much on something and won’t have enough my mom thinks everything is always fine and that I’m worrying too much and there’s enough money. Like when I said maybe we should find a different centerpiece option or do half smaller ones she was really insistent about sticking with the fancy ones.

Anyway I don’t know that I’m asking anything but I’m alone at home crying over this and needed to let it out, please tell me everything will probably work out okay?

Lol it's ok! We've all been there. I had $15 in my bank account yesterday. No groceries. We are paying for it ourselves.

It's stressful but keep a smile on, you'll get by & it'll be worth it!

It will all work out. I can completely understand this. As much as it is wonderful that your family is helping, it's so stressful having to relay to them the cost of everything and why it is so expensive.

Maybe you and FH could split the cost of the deposit on the photographer right now and then you can pay him back when your grandmother understands the situation and gives you the money for that. I just highly suggest not taking out another credit card for this...It is definitely hard to pay for it all but just think of the options you have and try to work with what you have for now.

Awe it sounds like you may need to come up with a clear plan/budget on what you're going to spend and then discuss clearly who's going to pay for what and when. I think this will help with some of the shock and confusion.

L guess you should've just asked for the $5k all at once. That's a very generous amount for a gramma to put out.

I would maybe forgo the wedding this year and wait till next so you have time to save. Then you wont have to answer to anyone.

I agree with moco about coming up with a better plan for future situations. I also don't think you should open another credit card. A wedding is not something to go into debt for. However, if you are good about your cards, we actually put all of our expenses on a credit card for points and then pay it in full when the bill comes. If you are sure you can do that, then you could pay now and have a few more weeks to get things straightened out with your grandma.

The financial aspect of my wedding is far more of rock sitting on me than I ever expected. I'm paraphrasing from another OP that posted yesterday, but I've come to realize the money spent for my wedding is the most fiscally irresponsible thing I've ever done.

To add stress, most of my wedding is being funded by my fiancé's parents. I love them dearly, and let's just say they never thought their son would get married, so they are over the moon happy to help us throw a big party. I wanted a small wedding in a beautiful garden, but did not win that battle. His family is HUGE. At this point, I have accepted that it's fair his parents are contributing so much, because if it had been smaller, we might have been in a better position to pay for the wedding ourselves. Alas.

My bank account hovers near a cliff edge every day. My FH works part time as well (also not by choice), and our rent is so much higher than we should have gotten into, and we're being nagged constantly by his parents to buy a house. I CANNOT EVEN.

To add insult to injury, my FH now needs over $1200 in dental work. My car's engine light has been on for two months and I'm totally avoiding getting it checked. It may as well be the $ symbol lit up on my dash board.

All that to say....Aubergine, I totally understand your stress. I also understand not wanting to burden your FH by asking for his help given the expenses he's handling for your upcoming move.

Is there any way however that you could explain the situation to him? It's his wedding too and your family is helping out significantly; is he able to pitch in a bit more to keep you both solvent?

I won't even try to tell you "don't stress! everything will be fine!" because that's hollow. Stay positive at least, but let yourself be realistic. At that point, you'll find ways to manage and balance your commitments and finances.

Hang in there kitten.

Don't open a credit card. Honestly, when people offer money, unless they hand you it all up front, you have to assume that you won't get it. There have been TONS of stories on here of brides that say "we picked x venue because my dad said he would pay and now he's backing out" or "In laws said they'd pay but dont want to now". Unless you have the money in hand, plan the wedding YOU can afford with the money YOU have (credit is NOT money you have).

Really, you, DH, Immediate Family, and grandma are all who need to be there. Change your plan to what you can afford. Its tough, but you're not the first.

Thanks for your advice all. I think communication has definitely been an issue. I don't think I have to worry about not getting the money ever. This would be very unlike my grandma, BUT I do think there was miscommunication, mostly because I let my mom handle a lot of it since they live in the same town but I live 3 hours away. From what grandma said on the phone, I think she was planning to give me the $5,000 all at once, but toward the end of the wedding. If this is true, I could probably make this work, though it will be difficult. After my mom is done moving I think I will drive down there and see if we can all talk together.

I really don't want to push the wedding back and lose what money we've already spent especially since it IS important to me my grandma is there and I would never forgive myself if I postponed it and she left us. I have to say it's a particularly sensitive thing for me since my dad died a year and a half ago and I hadn't even seen him in 3 years. I'm still dealing with a lot of guilt about that as well that is only getting me more and more emotional as we get closer to the wedding. I don't want another person who is very important to me to be missing.

I do wish I'd made some more of my own decisions. I had wanted to get married at a beautiful garden that didn't include anything and my mom talked me into a mostly inclusive place because she said that only people with big families living near them did places that weren't all inclusive and I wouldn't be able to handle it. I think she was wrong and we may have saved money :/ The venue/food/bar is taking up a huge huge huge chunk of the budget.

I totally feel your pain. Almost everything has come in over my budget estimates so far. Not by a lot....but enough to make me uncomfortable with the total. And my car has been dying for the last 2 months too. Having other looming costs on top of the wedding outlay is enough to give anybody hives!

Ask your photographer if you can put down a $500 deposit since your mother is moving right now. I'm sure they're used to working with people with financial restrictions.

DO NOT put it on a credit card or take out a loan.

It's going to be ok. My FH and I are paying for our own wedding and we are on a budget. Because we are paying at first I was like well let's wait until 2018 to get married so that way we will for sure have enough money saved up. But when you have found the one you want to marry you don't want to wait forever because the finances are not ready yet. Life is not perfect and it's best to go with the flow. So we changed it to 2017 and will figure out stuff the best way we can so don't regret getting married sooner. We wanted to pay for our wedding as well because of situations like yours. Its great when family can help out financially but at the same time because it's their money they have a say on what they want to do with it. I know your photography situation will get resolved. Cheer up don't cry