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Dedicated October 2019

Money, money, money

Shannon, on June 2, 2019 at 6:51 PM Posted in Planning 0 10

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I am just feeling a little like giving up right now. I have been dreading the expense of the whole wedding thing since becoming engaged. I wanted to forgo a wedding and just go to city hall. But my fiance wanted the big party. I told everyone I didn't feel comfortable having a shower because it feels dirty asking people for gifts. But family and friends pressured me in to letting them throw me one. My fiance and I just went registering and it was the worst experience. Everything is out of our price range, and therefore too much for us to ask anyone else to buy us. We have a guest list of 170-180 people, but only registered for 45 items when all was said and done. It was not fun. Now my mom is sharing second-hand complaints from my brother about expenses for the bachelorette party and having his kids in my wedding party. His kids do not need to be in my wedding. I love them, but asked their mom if she would be ok with it and she said yes. The bachelorette party is getting to be a bit expensive because of getting a limo/bus and whatever else my maid of honor is planning.

How have you brides dealt with the stress of it? I want to cancel all the parties at this point. I have no real involvement in the bachelorette party and my mom is making me feel guilty that my friend is planning something expensive.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Furture Mrs. G, on June 3, 2019 at 11:35 AM

Master July 2019
Hannah · on June 2, 2019 at 7:00 PM
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Regarding the registry: don't worry about what is and is not in your budget. It's recommended you register for things in various price ranges. Your guests will decide how much they want to spend. If no one wants to buy the expensive stuff, that's fine. However, from my experience, people will buy the more expensive stuff first. I have way more people having purchased items within the $50-$150 range more than they've touched the under $50 range. Everyone who has bought the cheaper items has bought multiple smaller items to total a higher amount.

With the bachelorette, maybe talk to your MOH. While she appears to be the primary planner, she should be taking everyone's budgets into account. That should be a team decision between everyone who is involved in the planning and expected to pay.

With the kids, the outfits don't have to be expensive. My flower girl got her dress for $25 during Easter time from Macy's. For the ring bearer, I asked my friend to find a pair of gray dress pants and a white dress shirt. It is up to her how much she wants to spend.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on June 2, 2019 at 7:16 PM
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I second PP comments. We got my flower girls dresses on Amazon for 20 dollars a piece. The ring bearers are wearing grey shorts and white button downs from Target. Your mom shouldn't be complaining to you or passing other people's complaints along. That's wrong. She should be speaking with your MOH if she has a problem with the details of the bachelorette.
As for the registry, register for items in all price ranges. You will be surprised what people WANT to get you. I put things on my registry ranging from 6 dollars to maybe 150. I registered at Macys and Target. Especially with Macys, things go on sale all the time! I even registered for shower curtain liners lol. I believe you're overthinking this. Give yourself a break!
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Devoted May 2020
Lizbeth · on June 2, 2019 at 8:07 PM
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Our budget is actually less than $2,000 and I've found it is not impossible in this day and age. We are just keeping it very intimate and small also courthouse ceremony isn't as bad as it seems and it's quick, easy and cheap.
You can do this!
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Dedicated October 2019
Shannon · on June 2, 2019 at 8:09 PM
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Thank you! I also found the flower girl dresses on Amazon. And am planning to buy them for them. My brother just doesn't think a two year old will listen to go down the aisle. Which is fine, because my son is only 2 months older than my nephew and he's supposed to walk down the aisle too 🤣.

I am thinking I will talk with the MOH about the bachelorette party.
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Super October 2019
Misty · on June 2, 2019 at 8:56 PM
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If anyone has anything negative to say or feels negatively about the bachelorette party.... they dont have to come. Your girlfriend is trying to plan something for you. Let her figure out the details and discern what level of expense it should be. Humility is a great trait girl.... and I love that you are super humble and extremely independent. I am too.... but people wanting to do nice things for you is a blessing... and if anyone has anything negative to say about it... oh well. Let them be salty and uncomfortable. You are already thinking of others ahead of yourself.... you've done enough. Let the rest of the chips fall where they may and put those ear muffs on... "only positivity here. " you got this girl.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 2, 2019 at 9:57 PM
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It's nice of you to think of the money in the guests perspective but let me tell you.. for the registry that's not your issue. I mean you should have items in a range of costs but at the end of the day it's not like your guests need to actually get you gifts from there. Some of my guests got me gifts similar to the items I asked for but not the exact ones and that's ok with me.
But anyway, whatever the cost they're spending on these parties for you are things they wanna do for you. The most you can do is say you don't want a party or to ask them not to spend too much, etc. That's what I did for mine. I told all of my bridal party don't spend too much. I even said if they needed me to pitch in at all it was ok.
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Dedicated August 2019
Jessica · on June 2, 2019 at 10:06 PM
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I agree with the other posters you seem very considerate to think about your guests budget. I don't think it's a bad idea to have a few higher priced items on your registry. Some people may purchase these items as a group. I know I have done this for coworkers or as a bridesmaid.
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on June 3, 2019 at 5:04 AM
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I second everyone above about the registry and people wanting to do nice things for you. We have items that range from 1.99-400.00. We have registries with Target and Macy's. I just found out that Amazon has registries also, so we may add that option. I asked my FB friends what the didn't use and what they wish they got more of. They said skip the fine China and glassware. Register for more day to day sheets, towels, blankets, throws, dishes and glasses than you think you'll need because stuff breaks, stains and wears out. Potholders and dish towels from Target are cheap and you always need them. Breathe and try to enjoy the process as much as possible, but if you are uncomfortable with the bachelorette you can always see if there are minor tweaks that can be made to lower the cost. Also, is it possible to have an older kid walk the little ones down the aisle?
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VIP July 2017
Becky · on June 3, 2019 at 9:11 AM
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As far as the registry goes - people will buy a range of items, and they can decide their own budget for the gifts - but definitely register for things you want - you'll get a discount after the wedding at many stores on registry items that have not been purchased
Ask your mom to have your brother come speak with you directly, and to stop relaying second-hand complaints. It's possible that this information was never supposed to get to you at all.
If your friend is planning something expensive, then that is between her and your other bridesmaids/friends. Again, I feel like maybe your mom shouldn't be relaying the concerns of others.
Please try to accept that people want to do nice things for you at this time in your life. I get not liking when people get you things/throw you parties/etc. - but these things really are out of their love for you.
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Expert September 2019
Furture Mrs. G · on June 3, 2019 at 11:35 AM
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Regarding gifts.. This is probably the one and only time that you can expect gifts and not feel guilty. You don't have to put anything extravagant on the registry list. Pots/pans, Knives, Wall Art, Towels, Comforter sets.. That is what mine consisted of. Since we already own our home and have everything for it- We didn't need much.
Regarding parties- The point is for you to sit back and be excited about whats to come. You aren't supposed to have any involvement in it and whatever your MOH plans, that's on your MOH. Your mom shouldn't be making you feel guilty for a party your MOH is throwing you. You need to ease up and take all of this in. It's supposed to be exciting. Not dreadful.
I am with you on the whole small ceremony and no reception. I wanted that as well. My FH is the one who wanted a wedding wedding. I am 8 months into the planning with 3 months left to go and I have to say If I would have had just a ceremony I would have regretted it. I am enjoying the process now. Yes everything is expensive and if that is what is stressing you out- Make the date far out so you have enough time to save up for it.
Good luck!
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