Money issues

My first suggestion is to stop telling them how much things cost. That’s none of their business so if they aren’t being supportive of the decisions you’re making, don’t share the details. My next suggestion would be that boundaries are important. If your FH is always coming back saying his parents are right, either you aren’t making decisions together or he’s holding his parents’ opinions in higher regard than yours. Have you guys attended any counseling? It can really benefit individuals and couples who need to set boundaries.

View Quoted Comment I told him to stop telling them. And if they ask to just say don't worry about it. He was raised in a family that penny pinches so he penny pinches as well. And I was raised in a family were we want something we buy it. So me and him when it comes to this wedding aren't completely on the same page. He wants the wedding to be as cheap as possible regardless of how cheap it looks and I want it to be cheap to a point. So when it comes to the wedding I always have to remind him by showing him other people's prices that weddings aren't cheap. I already told him that we are going to end up spending $10000 on the wedding and that I'm doing everything I can to make sure we stay within our budget. He did tell his parents off about a couple of things just recently I was there when he did it. I'm just so sick of hearing about it. We haven't seen a counselor yet because we never really had any real issues before. But with this wedding it's just seems more stressful than it needs to be.

I got the same issue. My fiancé parents are never happy with how much is being spent on the wedding. So me and my fiance don't give them much info on the wedding. My fiancé can be on the cheap side but I make sure he knows what the general price is for each thing and how much we are spending and then he normally is good about it. And then when his parents find out how much something is he normally tells them the way it is. And tells them to find someone cheaper. Normally they shut up probably because they know it's not going to be easy to find someone for pennies that is up to my fiancé and mine standards. But I never say anything because its not my place. I just ignore what they have to say and move on. It's our money and we will spend it how we want. Like we are spending $5000 on food I think it's a great deal because the food is amazing and we are getting so much food for that price. I put the paperwork down on the kitchen table of how much it's going to cost us and they seen. And of course they think the price is ridiculously outrageous, but I just gave my fiance this look and he knew. So he told them to bad that's what we want so that's what we are doing. If I was you I'd just ignore them and don't accept any money from them or they might think they have all the say over your wedding. My sister in law wasn't happy with her wedding because of a family member who did that. Gave her money towards the wedding and then thought she could run the show. The family members tried not to have my family attend the wedding and my brother said fine I won't be there either. I'd just tell your fiance to stop including them in any of the wedding planning no matter what. And anytime they try to bring up your wedding just say you sorry you don't feel like talking about it.

I’m not disagreeing or agreeing with you or your FH, but I think the two of you could meet somewhere in the middle.
I’m like you, if I want it, I buy it. But, I also RARELY pay full price. You’re thinking penny pinching is bad, they’re thinking buying as is, is bad. Why can’t you have the look and feel you want for a price that you agree on?
It sounds like your FH will say something to your FILs either way, find a way to meet 1/2 way. My FH and I have decided on a budget for our wedding and when we changed destinations our budget HAD to increase, but we’re still getting everything we want for the price we agreed upon including our honey/Familymoon.
I would just try to see it from both sides... Wedding planning is stressful, money makes it more stressful, just talk things out!

There is nothing you can do or say. These are HIS parents which means it’s his responsibility to deal with them. He cannot put you in a adversarial or hostile situation with them, it’s not right. It’s his job, not yours, to stand up for the decisions you two have made together. You need to sit him down and explain how his parents nosiness has affected you and how upset you are and how it’s spoiling the joy you should feel but can’t because they’re stressing you out. Tell him you need him to stop sharing wedding costs with them. Similarly if there’s a situation where your parents are causing him stress, it’s your job to step in and speak with them. He needs to tell them to butt out and stop sharing info.

I had a very similar situation with my in laws during my wedding planning, in the beginning I talked to my in laws mostly (mil and sil) about the wedding research I was doing so that they could feel involved. My mil quickly suggested that we ask for "god-parents" to pay for every aspect of our wedding. My husband grew up in a home where they always lived paycheck to paycheck, his mom and step father have never tried searching for jobs in their field that pay better and there are some available because mil has told me that she found a job that pays better but shes scared of the interview and doesn't want to drive there to pick up an application. So safe to say they're just comfortable in their situation. My husband and I never expected help from anyone in paying our wedding so we shared our vision and started planning. When she began suggesting god parents to pay for certain things our wedding we declined right away because we wanted to have the wedding that we envisioned together and shortly after she stopped all together giving any input, although she silently complained to my sil and sometimes to husband about how much it seemed to be that we were spending. When the wedding came everyone loved it, we had little waste and a venue that did it all for us. She still says to this day that its been the best wedding shes ever been to, lol. Your FH needs to tell his mom that you guys have this under control, and that you want everything to be a surprise to your guests so you wont be sharing anything else at all.

It's not their wedding so they don't have a say

View Quoted Comment My mil thought my parents were going to pay for the whole wedding. When me and my fiancé first started planning the first thing she asked was if they were paying. And then I told her parents of the bride don't pay for weddings anymore, she then asked how much they were putting towards the wedding, I said probably nothing. She was shocked. I think she was hoping they would pay for the whole wedding. The funny thing is that my fiancé family has way more money than my family has.