Money Dance or Bet Jars?

Are either of them traditional in your culture? Because if not, just don’t.

View Quoted Comment I didn’t know betting to smash a cake in someone’s face was traditional lol, I’m going to do it anyways but thanks!

View Quoted Comment I believe what KiwiDerbyBride means by “traditional” is something that is done routinely in your family/social circle. In other words, are dollar dances or “bet jars” done at all the other weddings you attend? The concern is, if these things are not routinely done in your area/social circle, it may come off as greedy or “money grabby”, and rub guests the wrong way.

I totally agree with cece and kiwiderbybride. I’ve had to stop and reflect on some of the things that I may have seen in movies or other social times e.g. garter belt groom removing thing and I just realized why am I doing that and how will that come across - not that it matter much what others think but reflect on whether it truly means something to you or it’s for sake of wedding sake

These types of things are traditionally frowned upon, as it makes the couple look greedy. However, out of the 2, I would rather see a money dance as a guest.

View Quoted Comment Our cousins actually just did it lol, we see it a lot and was something fun we’d love to incorporate. I know it’s not for everyone!

Also whoever gets the most gets to smash cake in the others face, it’s fun for everyone!

View Quoted Comment I agree. As a guest, I would prefer to see a money dance also, because
A. I would never want to risk ruining the bride‘s make up by smashing cake in her face!
And B. The betting jars just feel more like a fundraising event

Are you sure you want cake smashed in your or your groom's face when you've both spent a lot of money to look spiffy? That's the kind of thing that's fun at a carnival fundraiser, not a wedding


And paying someone to dance with them is really off putting. I've seen a video where it lookee really gift grabby. Guests were stuffing cash in the bride's chest, few people participated, and the DJ was egging guests ok to spend bigger bills. I also wouldn't want people putting pins in my dress. The couple will typically wear an apron so people can pin cash on it, or so I've heard. As a guest, I'd be super annoyed if the music was interrupted for a cash grab

I say money dance, we are done by our new only because it’s a huge tradition on my fh family

Is this something done at other family/friends weddings or something you saw on tv and thought would be fun?


Unless it is part of your culture or family tradition, asking guests to open their wallets at a party you host for any reason is seen as greedy and frowned on. Smashing cake on someone’s face is done at 1st birthday parties for babies and intoxicated frat parties. At a wedding, you have your hair and makeup done which is not cheap and fancy clothes. Smashing cake on that is not fun and in some cases you can’t remove the food/oil stains in clothing. It’s not seen as respectful for a formal occasion. I’m pretty easy going and I don’t see the appeal in either of these and would not participate as a guest. But the money dance may be seen as “better” of the two. Be prepared for some guests to possibly leave early if they don’t see it as enjoyable as you do.

View Quoted Comment Obviously y’all have never been to a fun wedding as almost everyone I know does these and smashes cake either way. Our families enjoy having fun and if any of my guest don’t like it they can leave, this is my day.

Why does having fun have to involve guests giving even more money than they've already spent to attend the wedding and give a gift? You can dance with guests and smash cake in each other's faces without any money being involved at all.

View Quoted Comment Did I specifically say the spending money part? No. And good thing you’re not my guest then lol.

View Quoted Comment

Where do you expect the money for the money dance or betting jars to come from then if not from the guests?

I mean we did a money dance but, that was only because it was a tradition on both of my sides of the family. I was also very hesitant about it because I found out through these forums that some circles find it tacky. My mom told me people would be more offended if I didn't include it than if I did. And I will say I ended up super happy we did it because it gave me time to do more one-on-one dances with certain family members.

HOWEVER, it was not a tradition in my husband's family. Some of my family members danced with him (and his aunt had his little cousins do him because she had seen it before) but not a lot of his family decided to participate (which is totally their right, I'd never want to force anyone into it). If I were you and might not have had it as a tradition on either side of our families I would have skipped it, since it might be awkward just standing there if no one participated.

The bet jar sounds a little....much. I don't see how it would be fun but, I don't like the idea of smashing cake on someone's face. (noticed you called people not fun because they don't like that which is kind of rude of you since you did ask for people's opinions). If it wasn't a super casual wedding I'd be side-eyeing it and would not participate in it at all.

If it's not tradition in your culture, as it is for some, the money dance can come off looking like a money grab. Guests shouldn't really have to open their wallets at your wedding. Also the cake smash sounds like something that should happen at a kids birthday party. If it's in your tradition, and you want to do it and guests don't have to pay for it, then I guess it's not really against etiquette.

It's kind of like asking whether to charge admission or do a cash bar though. The answer "neither" is still an answer.

I understand that you're stressed since your wedding is so soon. People are just trying to give advice. You can take it or leave it but you dont have to call people not fun or get upset with people's opinions. You did post to a public forum.

View Quoted Comment Sweetie I’m like this normally lmao. Also I can say what I want, if you don’t like it then keep scrolling!