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Savvy October 2023

Momzilla??

Breelyne, on January 10, 2023 at 10:21 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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So, since I got engaged…my mom has somehow managed to make things about her or has a habit of comparing our wedding to others and what she thinks FH and I should do… she’s complained about venue locations so we’ve changed our original plans of wanting to get married in Colorado near the mountains…everyone was on board but her…she had something negative to say anytime I showed pictures of something I like or was just very condescending about something, she’s complained because I’ve invited my stepmoms sister and her family whom I’m close to and is mad because I chose not to invite any of my biological aunts or uncles as I don’t have a relationship with them. She makes snide/rude comments anytime the guest list was brought up. I finally just told her those that are on the list are coming and those that are not …will not be attending…she refused to host our engagement party because she didn’t want my dad around her (they have a very ugly relationship) and so my FMIL hosted one for us…then after that event my mom is suddenly trying to host a bridal shower and bachelorette…🙄🙄I stopped talking wedding stuff for a while with her but since my 15 year old sister is going to be a bridesmaid I mentioned to my mom that I wanted to get the girls together to go try on bridesmaids dresses…she again made an unnecessary comment then stated she wanted to get her dress then as well…it’s suppose to be a bridesmaid appointment…I figured she’d come along since my sister will be trying on dresses…but now she is making it about her when it’s not supposed to be….I’m just frustrated and no longer know what to do… tried to convince FH to elope, maybe take close friends with us but he doesn’t want to do that…sorry for the long post…thanks to those who made it this far so I could vent

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on January 10, 2023 at 6:09 PM

VIP October 2022
Paige · on January 10, 2023 at 10:53 AM
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I used to work for a wedding planner, and it was an overwhelming consensus that the mother of the bride or mother of the groom were usually the biggest headaches to deal with. You're definitely not alone. I'd suggest putting your mom on an information diet and only looping her in on things she absolutely needs to know. If she asks for details on things, just say it's a surprise or that you're still considering options, then change the subject. If you need to put your foot down or have an unpleasant conversation with her, then it's definitely justified. It's your wedding, not hers, so she needs to be respectful. Wishing you all the luck on this
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Rockstar July 2022
Lisa · on January 10, 2023 at 11:17 AM
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I'm sorry that your mom is not on board with what you and your fiance envision for your wedding! You should not have to change your plans just because your mom isn't happy with them. If she doesn't like the venue, that's OK. As long as you and your fiance love it, that's all that matters - especially if you and your fiance are the ones paying for it. If she doesn't agree with the guest list, or doesn't like the colors you chose, or is upset that you didn't choose the wedding dress she liked best, or whatever the issue is, it's not her choice to make. She doesn't need to agree with what you choose to do for your wedding, but she should respect your decisions. I agree with Paige that limiting the information about your wedding that you give your mom may be best until the details are locked in. Such as, telling her "Here's the venue we booked!" after you've already signed the contract, instead of "Here's the venue we like best so far." Anything not locked in, maybe a vague answer along the lines of, "We've got a few options we're considering, but nothing we're ready to share yet." Don't plan your wedding based on what other people want you to do, but instead plan your wedding only based on what you and your fiance envision.
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Savvy October 2023
Breelyne · on January 10, 2023 at 11:27 AM
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She paid for my wedding dress but only because she threw an absolute hissy fit about my dad and stepmom offering to help pay for the dress and said she wanted to be the one responsible for paying but then complained the night the dress was purchased saying she was used to my dad not contributing etc etc…the dress I picked was the same dress she said she thought I’d look like a “busted can of biscuits in” two nights before I was supposed to go dress shopping…she’s purchased some odds and ends like the garter and guest book..she went without me to pick a bunch of faux flowers to build a garland with, no video call, pictures nothing….as for the bigger items, venue, photography and catering she has not helped contribute to those things…
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Dedicated January 2023
Ashley · on January 10, 2023 at 2:53 PM
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If she hasn’t offered to pay/contribute for the venue or big ticket items, frankly she gets no say in those things. The others’ advice is it - keep her on a need to know basis. Other than that unfortunately you may have to get a thick skin and just deflect her comments. It’s unfortunate she can’t respect your vision and just be happy for you but it is what is. I wish you best of luck handling it.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on January 10, 2023 at 6:09 PM
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If she's not paying, she doesn't get a say. I'd put her on an information diet, and stop sharing details with her. If she asks just say you have it handled, no problem. Keep doing that, because unfortunately I don't think you can win here. I'm glad you have other family to support you!!
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