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Just Said Yes October 2022

Momzilla is causing me stress!

Aileen, on August 24, 2021 at 10:19 AM Posted in Planning 1 16
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My fiancé and I decided to pay for our wedding and we have a set budget and even hired a planner to keep us in budget. My Mom has turned into a momzilla and complained nonstop that our budget is not enough, our venue choices are too small or not lavish enough. She isn’t paying for anything and it’s so hard to keep telling her we are on a budget and she keeps insisting we ask her and my dad to pitch in. I know once she pitches in she will have a say in it and she keeps putting our choices down at every turn. My dad continues to tell me to ignore her because it’s our wedding and I’ve been trying but it’s so hard to hold back. Both him and my fiancé say she’s being this awful out of love because I’m her only daughter but more and more she’s trying to make the wedding more about her and less about me. It’s more of what she wants, not what me and my fiancé want. She wants to invite her friends and coworker even though I keep telling her we have a limited guest capacity. All she does say is that she and my dad will pay the difference. Everyone in the wedding planning process has been great and my planner has been phenomenal. The only one causing stress and drama is my mother. She makes it as though her opinions are the correct and if we don’t go with what she says we are disrespecting her. Ugghhhhh I’ve been having countless nights of crying solely because of her.



16 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on September 2, 2021 at 11:11 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Honestly, this may be hard but I’d just stop sharing anything about the wedding. She’s already proven she isn’t going to respect your boundary so now it’s time for there to be consequences. Next time she says something or asks a question “We have it handled and can’t wait for you to see it on the wedding day”. If she won’t respect that, end the conversation/leave the house.
    • Reply
  • Jasmine E.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine E. ·
    • Flag
    When she got married, it was possible to have a large, extravagant wedding for a much lower cost than today. In addition, most couples didn't pay for their own wedding back then. It's very hard for some parents to recognize that things have changed. I agree to just not share your choices or discuss the wedding with her. All she needs to know is where she needs to be the day of and when.
    • Reply
  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
    • Flag

    You need to set boundaries and stick to them, I know its hard because she's your mom but it needs to be done. I try to talk to my mom about thigs and she could literally care less, she wants to throw me a shower but doesn't want to include my FH's family so I get dealing with mom stress. I told her if she is going to be like that I don't want a shower. I sent her dresses I liked and she just says "oh" and then she sends me dresses and its not even close to what I like. My FH and I are paying for everything so she can back off. I've since stopped sharing things with her after she blew up on me about hiring a florist because she wanted to do fake flowers and I just don't wanna deal with it. She is coming dress shopping with me which I'm surprised about though she did accuse me of inviting my FH's mom along (who she's never met) so idk what her problem is.

    Anyways, sorry went on a tangent - if she talks about your guest list and inviting her coworkers just say that we already have our guest list made and have a limited capacity in the venue, unfortunately we cannot accommodate your friends and coworkers. If she offers to pay just tell her there isn't room in the venue to seat these people and then leave it at that.

    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Expert October 2022
    Jessi ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Sarah. It sounds like your dad is more level-headed, so maybe you can talk with him and see if he can help back you up by shutting her down as well. I know it's really hard not to include her, we had to cut out my MIL because she was complaining about stuff and making up lies to try and get her way. While it's hard to do, it takes a lot of stress off of you and lets you focus on what you want your day to be.

    • Reply
  • Rabreena
    Devoted October 2021
    Rabreena ·
    • Flag
    I kinda understand as to how you're feeling because my Mom has most certainly been a Momzilla for me during this planning process. She keeps critiquing me on how much we are spending, that it's too much money and how much her and my Dad (step-dad) spent on their wedding in which we could save so much money if we didn't do or buy this or that. She even made an issue about the dress she picked out and ordered, that once it arrived she didn't like how it felt and wasn't keen on it. So we had to do another shopping trip just for her. Her new dress still hasn't arrived yet and needs alterations done to it once it does get delivered. Plus she finally took my Dad to get measured for his suit, but hasn't ordered it yet. I love her dearly but she really knows how to stress me out.
    The stress and pressure we receive from Moms and/or Dads when it comes to a wedding is overwhelming.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    I am taking notes on what not to do when my daughters get married!
    It’s probably best to put her on an information diet and have a set response you say every time she pushes you.
    “We’ve got it handled, thanks.” Don’t justify, just keep saying that.
    • Reply
  • I
    Expert August 2021
    Ingrid ·
    • Flag

    I would tell her it's hurting your feelings and causing you stress. If she continues to interject her opinion, stop talking to her about the details. I would also have a conversation with your dad and ask him to talk to her, he should be able to explain how her actions are impacting you.

    • Reply
  • Janna
    Savvy July 2022
    Janna ·
    • Flag




    Be strong! Though it Sounds like you’re holding your own.
    Dealing with headstrong mothers is tough…just keep reminding yourself it will be worth it when the two of you have the wedding YOU want, not what she wants!
    • Reply
  • Rylie
    Savvy May 2022
    Rylie ·
    • Flag
    Keep your foot down. Trust me do not give in. My mom isn't a momzilla but she is stressing me out so much! My moms side of the family have been under my skin lately about why I have certain people invited vs. Others. Why I chose this particular person to be a bridesmaids even though we have a mixed relationship and all other things. I caved in on one thing but that would be the only thing. My fiance and I told ourselves that if everyone gets too involved and doesn't care about what we want that we would threaten to elope and our closest friends and a few family members would be invited.
    • Reply
  • Janicaellison
    Dedicated July 2022
    Janicaellison ·
    • Flag
    Hello and Wow my mom don’t even talk about our wedding and like you i am the only child . I don’t even talk about our wedding in front of her I wait until I get with other people to talk about our wedding and everyone is so excited about our wedding but my mom but she did go with me to a bridal show and we did agree on a dress but that the only time we talked about my wedding.. I wish you all the luck ..My dad told me to do whatever I want with our wedding and that my mom will be okay I guess you just have sit her down and tell her look this is my wedding and we will do what best for us..Once again I wish you luck I wish my mom would get involved in my wedding but not like that wish you well and luck.👰🏽‍♀️👰🏽‍♀️👰🏽‍♀️👰🏽‍♀️
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Savvy November 2021
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    My father kept complaining that my fiancé didn't have groomsmen. He was even raising his voice telling us 'you better have groomsmen in your wedding' then started saying 'It's tradition, why even have a wedding, la de da.' and I had to raise my voice, stern, angry, and said NO. I basically yelled at my father. Lol. He dropped it and gave it up after that. I also proceeded to tell him "If you want him to have groomsmen, then you can pay for our $15,000 wedding. Then you can do whatever the hell you want."

    Sometimes you just need to stomp your foot down and let them know you mean business.

    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated November 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag

    "Both him and my fiancé say she’s being this awful out of love because I’m her only daughter"

    Nobody is awful out of (genuine) love. Your mom sounds like a toxic, manipulative, controlling person and your dad and fiancé are enabling it and gaslighting you by telling you she's coming from a good place. It doesn't matter where she's coming from if her behavior is hurting you.

    Like others have said, you need boundaries with people like your mom. Is this the only time in your life where your mom has tried to control you? If not, I'd suggest consulting a therapist to help you set healthy boundaries with her. It's a painful process and I'm sorry you're going through it. I hope you're able to keep her at a safe/comfortable distance for the rest of the planning process!

    • Reply
  • Janicaellison
    Dedicated July 2022
    Janicaellison ·
    • Flag
    Good morning Wow I guess don’t take her with you and don’t tell her about your wedding plans so my question to you is she is a Maid of honor r a Bridesmaid. I agree with you that she is too much and doing to much.. I wish you luck with her
    • Reply
  • L
    Layla ·
    • Flag

    I'm in the same situation, especially the part where if we disagree with them then it's a personal offense and we're being 'disrespectful'. There are two things you could say to her (if you haven't already). The first is that if she says you're not making it an enjoyable planning experience and that you're her only daughter, remind her that this is your only wedding and she is your only mom and she's making it so unnecessarily stressful for you. The second thing you can tell her is that you do want to plan the wedding with her, and you appreciate her willingness to help, but if she's going to continue to be negative and criticize your opinions then you don't want her to be involved because it's making you miserable.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this. In my opinion, she's not doing this out of love, she's doing it to fill some kind of controlling urge. If she was doing it out of love, she would let you plan it the way you want and support you.

    • Reply
  • Janicaellison
    Dedicated July 2022
    Janicaellison ·
    • Flag
    Hello you welcome and once again I wish you luck 💜🌹💜🌹
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master September 2019
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    Wow yeah. I don't think her need to control this is done "out of love" at all. She is operating on what she needs, not what you clearly have told her you need.

    "This is not up for debate" may need to be your go-to line with her. As others have said, don't discuss the wedding with her and definitely don't take her money!!

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