Momzilla Help!

Can her son assign her something? Maybe she can help him plan rehearsal dinner or plan their first song? Can you go with her to look for a dress for your wedding?

I feel like your fh needs to help you by reminding her that it is your wedding, not hers 🤷🏻‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I tried this, but since he’s not leaning one way or the other on a lot of the wedding details, he’s brushing these suggestions off on to me and my mother. It’s incredibly frustrating. Even little things such as her wanting to DIY a bunch of venue decorations like the centerpieces and the wedding arch and she’s also picking out incredibly ugly things, too. It’s one thing to make suggestions which are on theme, but my black tie affair wedding is going to look cheap and tasteless with haphazard DIY decorations and FH just isn’t getting that through his mother’s head

View Quoted Comment He’s not doing basically any of the planning (he’s more of a “just pick everything and I’ll show up” groom), so I don’t know if that’ll do much good. I did ask her for her opinion on several matters including the wedding dress, but she suggested that I just DIY the dress (I do sew, but I’m not about to Holly Hobby my wedding dress)

Maybe to her it's not tacky but actually helping where she can with wisdom, though misplaced. When you rarely have extra, it's hard to get out of that mindset and you see money differently( ie spend thousands for a four hour important celebration now or spend that in saving if sick, lose a job, want a house, house repair, want a baby, go back to school ect). Maybe she can help with non money related ideas like choosing hairstyles, playlist, cake/food tasting, flowers. Give her specific questions from the onset i.e. lily or rose?, instead of; so thoughts on flowers?. Parents taught me dont ask if you dont wanna know. You are expecting a different person who had a completely different life which they are in a different stage of, to have the insight you want to hear.

Omg I experienced the SAME THING with my MIL!! And my fiancé is also an only child. I eventually broke down to him and I think he spoke with her and basically told her to kindly keep her opinions to herself. My MIL never had a wedding and she’s very frugal so she suggested us to have a court marriage and don’t spend a ton of money on my dress or flowers because it’s just one day. I understand her point but also I’m the only daughter in the family and my mom wants to see me have a wedding, and they’re also paying for majority of it.


I eventually just kept all wedding planning details to myself and stopped telling her how much things cost. If she asked, we’d say we don’t remember and that we have to look at the quote. Eventually she would forget. It was honestly the best thing We ever did keeping wedding planning details to ourselves. Maybe you can just tell her that everything is done and there’s nothing left to do but wait? Or have your fiancé speak with her and have her understand that since your parents are paying for the whole thing basically, that these are crucial details/things they envisioned for your wedding day.

A MIL can be so tough to communicate with but explain you have a 'hard no' on certain items and this is one of them; flowers, dress, photographer, ECT. I had to do this with my future hubby bc he doesn't think a photographer and expensive anythung is necessary. There are some things I won't budge on; everything else has to be open for discussion. Make your 'hard no' list, tell her and stick to it. This is your big day of a lifetime.

I can’t tell if she is trying to get involved and is communicating it poorly or is just giving unsolicited advice with no intent of providing assistance herself (like a bossy backseat driver).


If it’s the first, give her something to do. That way it’s one less thing you and your parents have to do and she can focus on that task and feel like she is contributing.
If it’s the second, politely let her know you appreciate her input but you have your plans set out and are happy with your decisions.

I remember my MIL could be really pushy about stuff too and that's when my husband stepped in and would remind her no. but i do love the idea that someone here had that you can assign her something. it does sound like she wants to be involved and if you're not into the ideas she has, maybe there's something you can do with her or that she can help with that you'd be alright with

I would just say “thank you for the suggestion, I will consider it” and move on. Then if she asks about it say “yes I thought about it but decided to go in this direction instead but appreciate your feedback”

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THIS. Plus, don't bring up your wedding or offer her any details. Just keep conversations to neutral topics and provide as little information as possible.

Wow do we have the same MIL?!! haha
im in the same boat. my FH’s mom likes very tacky stuff and shes paying for nothing. she asked if she could be in charge of favors then said ok u buy them and ill put them together... she wanted to do hershey kisses in zip lock bags and were having a castle wedding...

Anyway now with covid shes very uninterested in the planning thankfully
also if we have to cut the guest list and she is paying nothing, is it wrong to cut most of the gifts from the grooms side??

Sorry i meant cut guests*