Momzilla Anyone

OMG I'm so sorry she's overreacting to one little detail! Is she paying for the photographer, or are you guys? If you are, it's not her place to say what the photographer does.

The best advice I have is to just put your foot down and do what you want. And explain to her that there is no real difference on whether the wedding party sits with you or not. I was actually debating doing this as well.

I’m someone who doesn’t have time for games, so at this point if I were you I’d probably say something like “if you don’t like a choice we’ve made for OUR wedding, you’re more than welcome to stay home.” Also, unless your mom has the contract with/paid for the photographer, she has no business even communicating with your vendors, let alone telling them what to do.

Why is it a big deal? Is she paying for the photographers? They probably wouldn't leave if she isn't paying for them.... why is she throwing a tantrum about it, its really not a big deal?

My mom can be controlling but not to this point, she threw a fit about me not doing fake flowers for my centerpieces. If your wedding was further out I'd say stop sharing details, I don't tell my mom anything anymore unless she needs to know. I just cut contact until she realizes how childish she's being. - also i agree with what Sarah said - if she really doesn't like it and wants to be a baby she can stay home. I told my mom that plenty of times when she complained how far my venue was and that nobody was going to come (its like 45mins to an hour away from mostly everyone) and I'm like ok fine, don't come then if you're gonna complain - my MOH and the best man are flying in from other states to be here. I told her she's driven longer to go out someplace with her friends, its one day.

That is a very strange detail for her to be getting upset about. These days, most couples have sweetheart tables instead of head tables so that they don't have to separate wedding party members from their SOs. In terms of etiquette, you're actually doing the correct and courteous thing, because it's very rude to separate wedding party members from their SOs! Stand your ground because she has no business being upset about this

If she's paying for the photographers, I would honestly try to find a way to take over the contract and pay for it yourself so that she has no financial stake. Otherwise, she might use them as a way to control other parts of your wedding. If she's willing to cause you to have no photos from your reception over something as minor as the table shapes and wedding party seating arrangements, who knows what other photos she'll hold over your head to control other aspects.

My parents split the bill for the photographer

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Based on this detail, I think you and your future spouse need to pay for the photographer yourselves. You shouldn't cede any control of your vendors to people who throw manipulative fits.

All because there won't be a head table? That's strange and selfish of her. Why does that even matter? I would just pay the photographer myself.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this 100%! Head tables are a thing of the past! Couples have realized how awkward it is to put people on display while they are eating it, and how rude it is to split up couples! Your mother needs to realize what she is calling “tradition” is really just bad manners.

It’s not that serious. Is she paying for the photographer? Many parents live vicariously through their kids because they didn’t get to plan their own weddings and so you don’t get to either. It doesn’t work that way. Are you paying and planning everything yourselves? If not, then you need to.


In some circles, a full meal at a wedding is a not a thing and they still do cake and punch only so a head table doesn’t even exist in those weddings.
Is she like this in your everyday life as well? Unfortunately some parents view their adult children as puppets with no independent thoughts or actions. It’s difficult but you have to stand your ground and set and maintain boundaries, and sometimes you have to cut ties for your mental health. Take control because she has no power beyond what you allow her. If she or anyone chooses to be toxic and a bully, they are showing their true colors so believe them.

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Did they sign the contract or did they give you the money and you signed it? Whoever signed the contract is the one the photographers are going to listen to. Either way, I would reach out to the photographer as a heads up at least.

Whether or not mom paid for the photographer, I would call the photographer now ahead of time, tell them about mom's little hissy fit. Assuming their services have already been paid for, they answer to you-the bride and groom. Tell them kindly that they will honor their contract and photograph the reception as agreed and mom cannot dismiss them because of something so petty that has nothing to do with them.