Kayla
Devoted November 2020

Moms

Kayla, on September 23, 2019 at 4:21 PM Posted in Planning 0 20
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How involved have your moms been in planning? When I got engaged my mom seemed super excited about helping me plan, and since she didn't get to plan much of her own wedding (she had mono) I thought she would be more hands on. But now that the time to plan is actually here, I feel like she doesn't want to help. Or the only reason she does end up helping is because she feels guilty that my FMIL is helping. It's really something I wanted to share with her, as I'm the only daughter, but I really don't feel like she cares about this wedding at all at some points. Like this weekend, I invited her to go to a few tastings with us for catering and she told me she wouldn't be their unless my FH couldn't make it (depending on work) because my brother has a soccer game.

20 Comments

Latest activity by Th, on August 2, 2020 at 11:05 PM
  • Laura
    VIP November 2019
    Laura ·
    • Flag
    My mother occasionally asks questions but that’s it. FMIL never uttered the word ‘wedding’ to me or FH until after they got their invitation. You’re fortunate to have at least some level of interest from both of them.
    • Reply
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't take her not coming to the tastings as her not being interested in planning the wedding. It sounds like she would've gone with you if you would've been doing it alone, but didn't since you had your FH going with you and she had already committed to going to your brothers game. Just sounds like she's being a good mom honestly, trying to be there for the both of you.

    She also might not want to step on any toes by tagging along for the things you and FH are planning together, my mom is the same way. She'd plan this whole thing if I let her, but when I tell her that FH and I are going to do something together, she backs off so it can be just for us.

    • Reply
  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
    • Flag
    So, this sounds a lot like my mom at the end there lol. I remember saying, "hey, would you wanna tour some venues?" And I could HEAR the pain/cringe in the silence before her reply 😂😂 not because she doesn't love me or anything but planning weddings is really not her favorite thing lol. Her reply was then "well if he can't go and you NEED me" just like your mom lol!
    And truly, I only offered to make sure she didn't feel left out.
    Perhaps your mom was just super excited about the engagement and the wedding itself but not the planning? Because that us how my mom is 100%
    So to answer: like almost 0%. However, she does listen to me vent or rant and offers advice, but I wouldn't really call it planning. My advice is to not take it personally and maybe just ask her? Thankfully I know my mom's feelings towards wedding planning so I wasn't shocked but I can understand being blindsided by it had I not already known.
    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    Our parents weren't super involved. It was a lot easier for us to do it ourselves and a lot less stressful. My mom was more involved towards the end, but she didn't live nearby until the last half of our engagement.

    My MIL went to 1 catering tasting with us, 2 venue tours, we went shopping for her dress (we bought her dress), she went to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and she went to my bridal shower.

    My mother went to our venue walk through (1 month out), she hosted my bridal shower, she handled the flowers (I didn't care about them and she did), she went to 1 catering tasting, she made the favors, she made the hotel welcome bags, and she went wedding dress shopping with me.

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    My FMIL is not involved, but my mom is doing nearly as much planning as I am. She really wants to be included in selecting vendors and loves hearing about the small details of planning.

    • Reply
  • Jasmin
    Dedicated July 2020
    Jasmin ·
    • Flag

    My FMIL and my mom have done nothing as far as the planning. My mom offered to help with decorations (we DIY) and that's about what I'd expect from her. I'm relying very heavily on my bridesmaids who have been fantastic and the wedding coordinator/planner my FMIL hired (I think so she didn't have to help ;D). If I didn't have her though I think I would be more clear on the expectations I had for my mom (i.e. venue tours, dresses, florals, etc). Maybe start by telling her the things you'd really like her involvement on and let her know how important it is to have her there for them!

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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
    • Flag

    I gave my mom a task to pick a song to sing during the ceremony and that's what she's focused on. I think she just asked me in detail questions yesterday after not really talking about it for months.

    • Reply
  • Sharon
    Just Said Yes February 2020
    Sharon ·
    • Flag
    Well I don't trust my mother to help me I really don't want to invite her to the wedding.i don't want her to meet my husband to be
    • Reply
  • Lisa Marie
    Devoted October 2020
    Lisa Marie ·
    • Flag

    I haven't received any inquiry from my mom; she's not into weddings or parties. So every now and again I'll send her a picture of something and see what she says. She questioned why we didn't opt for a 'Vegas' wedding... we live in Vegas and choose a nice venue, not a chapel down on the strip.


    FMIL is a little more interested because her only child is getting married. She'll ask questions here and there and give a suggestion. Both FMIL and FFIL are old school and very traditional; I don't necessarily like her ideas, but I entertain it.



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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    My mom asked questions. That was it aha. His mom was moreso involved.
    • Reply
  • Alma
    Devoted June 2021
    Alma ·
    • Flag

    I am on the same boat. My mom was so happy at first calling me and going over things I will need. Now I have to call her to update her but then if I don't she gets upset.

    MY FMIL is amazing I can't lie. She is very vocal on what she likes but makes sure I like her ideas too. She is always going over wedding details and gives me so many ideas.

    I choose not to tell my mother though to avoid her feeling bad. I know life is busy so I try to not let it get to me.

    • Reply
  • Yoice
    VIP March 2019
    Yoice ·
    • Flag
    I’m the planner in my family and although my mom was very excited she wasn’t much involve but I didn’t expect her to be. I didn’t have much help at all from anyone and I didn’t ask for it either again because I’m a planner. My mom however was my biggest help to air with, to talk to and to come up with ideas. Besides husband and I only my mom was the person that knew most of the details and surprises, no one else. My mom just listen to me and advice me when need it or gave her opinion when she had one to share. I think maybe wedding planning is not for everyone. I notice I found her sometimes annoyed over the same topics because planning goes for so long that it drags. I don’t think she doesn’t care I just think she’s just has a lot going on in general.
    • Reply
  • Sierra
    Savvy May 2021
    Sierra ·
    • Flag

    My mom's very involved. I am her oldest child and first to get married, so she's pretty excited. If it bothers you, you should sit down with her and talk about it. Maybe she's afraid to overstep boundaries and make you feel like she has too much influence on your special day, so she's taking a back seat. I never think there's any harm in expressing your feelings to someone you care about. I'm sure she'd be there for you if you wanted her there.

    • Reply
  • P
    Dedicated September 2021
    Paris ·
    • Flag
    My mother isn’t involved at all nor does she ask any questions like how’s the planning going or anything..although the day of the wedding I am almost certain she will try to be the center of attention and have guests thinking that she assisted in someway. My FMIL hasn’t asked me anything about it lately, but in the beginning of planning she did say she will pay for the florist.
    • Reply
  • Kayla
    Devoted November 2020
    Kayla ·
    • Flag
    Thanks for the advice guys. I’ll figure out how to have a conversation with her this weekend and adjust my expectations. It’s just hard because when we make appointments to talk to vendors I’ll tell her about it and she’s excited, then when the time comes to actually meet with them she asks if she really has to go. FMIL has been really hands on (FH is an only child) and involved in as much as she can. So it’s been hard to balance that.
    • Reply
  • Lauren
    VIP February 2020
    Lauren ·
    • Flag

    My mom and FMIL haven't been too involved except when I've asked them to be. They've gone to all of my dress fittings so far, though, because I wanted them both there! I've taken care of pretty much everything on my own, but that's been by choice. My parents are paying for most of the wedding so I always do my research and get my fiance & mom's opinions before I sign a contract/buy something since mom & dad are the ones footing the bill. So far, she's loved everything I've done! My FMIL is taking care of the rehearsal dinner and is doing all the planning for that so I haven't really done anything for that. She also bought 2 of the favors for the wedding. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    My mom seems to run hot and cold too. It seems like the only things she cares about are the things that she’s personally interested in.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    My mom isn’t involved. She doesn’t drive & lives rather far. She came to the dress fitting (my cousin picked her up) & that was about it. She came to my bridal shower but my MOH & her family threw it for me.
    My FMIL is more involved, but in part that’s bc she’s planning the RD.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
    • Flag
    Okay ladies!

    My Mom is no longer with me. However, we had been shopping periodically for random items that were a good deal for years.

    As a result, I had various items in my selected color. I even had my 🎂 Topper and different 🎁 items.

    My Bridal Party (🌺🙇‍♀️ included) and Hostesses absolutely 💜d their Tote bags full of items. I gave things that anyone could use.

    One Bridesmaid said, “There was so much stuff in my bag, I almost cried”.

    One MoH text this yesterday, “Mrs. Bubba, I love my gifts!!! I'm just opening my stuff it's like Christmas”!!!!
    • Reply
  • Th
    Dedicated September 2021
    Th ·
    • Flag
    My mom is super involved, but very respectful of my choices (we have very different tastes). She’ll give me her opinion, but then tell me it’s our wedding and we should chose the one we want whether it be flowers, dresses, ect. She was only adamant about having sit down over buffet and my parents are paying for the venue/food for our guests so I didn’t mind plus we have a large guest list so sit down is easier with so many people. I include my FMIL on things and she gives her opinions but she isn’t as involved and that’s fine w me. Both sets came to the venue tour and we r going to all sit down to figure out a final guest list, but my FH has younger siblings and she’s busy with them, plus FH and his moms relationship has always been rocky and I am super close w my mom so I don’t expect her to be as involved as my mother
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